Cold Summer Heat
by whitebordeaux
Summary: Jane's resolve is tested when her family and friends are put in danger.
1. Chapter 1

Cold Summer Heat Chapter one

I don't own Rizzoli and Isles or the characters.

"Maura, what is your problem today?" Jane's voice was laced with frustration as she had finally had enough of her friend's distant demeanor.

Maura only glanced at her before returning her attention to her computer. She wasn't in the mood to discuss the disturbing nightmares that had been keeping her from sleeping for over a week now. She knew Jane would call her crazy or paranoid, tell her that spending so much time with the dead was beginning to take it's toll.

"Come on, talk to me." Jane sat on the desk, effectively blocking the computer screen. Maura had no choice but to meet the gaze of the intense detective as she commanded her attention.

"Not now, I'm tired and am calling it a day." Maura didn't like the way her voice snapped at Jane, but she was tired and she hoped tonight would be the night. The night where she managed to string at least a few hours of uninterrupted sleep together so that she could get back to feeling herself again.

Jane wasn't one to give up easily. There was something going on with her friend that was causing her to change her entire personality and she didn't like it. "Maura, you've been biting my head off all day, when you actually talked to me that is. What is going on, I want to help."

"Why can't you just let it alone, Jane? I'm just tired, okay? I need to sleep, that's it." Maura pushed by her now standing friend as she made her way towards the door of her office.

Jane was quick and was immediately blocking Maura's exit. "It's more than that, I can tell. Tell me, I can help you."

Maura looked directly into Jane's concerned eyes before speaking. "You can't fix everything, Detective Rizzoli. You cannot fix me, nor do I want you to. What I would like is for you to leave me the hell alone."

Jane was floored by the tone of Maura's voice. Something was definitely troubling her friend and she was determined to find out. "Maura, what is wrong with you?" Jane hated how harsh her voice sounded as she watched her friend startle.

"Leave me alone. Leave me alone!" Maura pushed past the detective's strong arms as she blocked the door.

Jane watched as Maura left the precinct. She collapsed down at her desk and rubbed her temples. She had a killer headache and it only worsened with concern over her friend. Maura was never rude; never treated her the way she had earlier today.

"What's wrong?" Korsak had just returned from the cafeteria to find his former partner staring at nothing.

"Don't know." Jane didn't bother prying her eyes from the invisible object she was so focused on. "Something's going on with Maura."

"Yeah, I noticed Dr. Isles wasn't herself today. I actually understood what she was saying for once."

Jane now focused on Korsak as he pulled himself in closer to his desk. "Okay, that's part of it. She doesn't sound the same, doesn't act the same. I'm worried about her."

"Maybe she's got man troubles. You women don't tell each other every thing, do you?" Korsak was willing to blow off Maura's bad day as a mood swing; Jane not so much.

She was almost relieved to see Frost as he returned to his desk as well. "What do you think is wrong with Maura?"

"Dr. Isles? Didn't notice anything."

Jane decided to try again in the morning. Maybe she was being overly concerned. Maura usually did talk to her when she was upset about something, so maybe she would just leave it alone. Jane signed off her computer and told her partner goodnight before heading out. The guys didn't seem to worried, so she would wait and see how Maura was in the morning.

The early evening air was full of humidity, this summer was the worst on record in the Boston area. Jane found herself hoping winter would come early this year as she already had had enough of the heat. She hated the Boston winters, but found it at least a bit more tolerable than the stifling heat that plagued the city.

She made her way to her car and sent a silent prayer upwards that the air conditioner wouldn't crap out on her like it has done so many times. She had a dinner date that she was now wishing she would've cancelled. Bradley was a nice guy, somebody she could see herself with down the line. He didn't deserve the 'I caught a case' line she was thinking about using on him to cancel at the last minute. No, she couldn't do that to him. She had dismissed men for the most part, preferring her career over the stresses they often brought with them. Bradley was different. He didn't push, he didn't whine. He simply talked sports, cars, and cops. She could handle that. As long as he didn't mention love, marriage or kids, they had good dates.

Jane found herself smiling as she pulled up to her apartment building. Bradley seemed to get her and respect just how low maintenance she really was. She knew he was letting her decide how far and fast their relationship would progress. She loved the control, but couldn't help but resist the responsibility. Some days she just needed a friend to take her, take her mind off her job, her stresses, her fears. She just wanted to give up her need for control just a little. She had been dating Bradley for a couple of months by this time and she knew she wanted him to take her. Maybe tonight would be as good a night as any to move their relationship along.

Jane allowed Bradley to unlock her door for her as they returned from dinner a little later than Jane would've liked. Conversation was easy and the cold beer she wasn't ashamed to down seemed to alleviate at least some of the discomfort the warm night was causing. She probably drank more than she needed to fully relax, but it was the slight buzz that gave her the courage to move things forward with Bradley.

Bradley was immediately receptive when Jane closed the distance between them as soon as they were locked inside her apartment. She could taste the slight hint of sweat on his upper lip as he accepted her kiss. She had kissed him many times before tonight, but never with the hunger that Bradley was so accepting of. He wrapped his arms around Jane's slim waist as he allowed her to press up against him.

"Are you sure you want this?" Bradley reluctantly pulled his mouth from hers, but left his eyes on her lips.

"Sounds like you're unsure." Jane's voice was husky and deep as she quickly worked the buttons of his dress shirt.

Bradley's hands had quickly made their way up the back of her shirt so that he could feel the cool sweat that had formed. His mouth had found it's way back to hers as he gently guided her toward her bedroom. Jane allowed Bradley to control her with his hands, his mouth and his tongue. She was definitely sure as his hands made their way across her toned abdomen.

Jane closed her eyes and simply lost herself to his touch. Her mind was completely on Bradley as she felt his body fuse with hers. She had forgotten how much she missed the casual sex that so often resulted from her infrequent dating. This somehow was different, he was definitely different.

She let her hands feel the muscles in his back as he flexed with each thrust into her. His mouth worked hers so that he swallowed her sounds of pleasure instantly. He quickly had both of her hands in his and pinned them down on either side of her head. He immediately picked up the pace when she opened her eyes surprised in his sudden shift in position.

"How's it feel with no control?" Bradley teased as he lowered his lips to skim her breast.

"This is so perfect." She huffed out between short breaths. Bradley loved her voice and often wondered how much more it would affect him to hear it like this.

They fell into a rhythm that Jane didn't control, yet was able to respond to. Bradley expertly kept her pinned while he encouraged her to let go and feel all of him. She couldn't take much more as he continued his assault with his tongue on her breasts. Jane tried to pull from his grasp as she fought the inevitable orgasm that threatened to blow her mind.

"Brad, please." Her voice only encouraged him. "I want to touch you."

"No control. Just let go, Jane. I won't hurt you." Bradley returned his lips to hers as he could feel her tightening around him.

The sudden ringing of her cell phone made her cry out. "No! Damn!"

"Ignore it." Bradley ordered as he pushed harder knowing she was close.

"I can't." Jane couldn't resist Bradley as she ignored the ringing and focused on how he was making her feel.

She cried out as she shattered around him. She then felt his full weight on her as he too had collapsed as he reached his release as well. The phone began to ring again and Jane realized she had forgotten about the fact that it had rang earlier.

"I have to get it." Jane whispered as she crawled out from under Bradley. She pulled the phone from her pants pocket and prayed she would be able to sound professional.

"Rizzoli."

"Jane!" Jane immediately pulled the phone away from her ear to look at the caller I.D. It wasn't Maura's number, but it was definitely Maura on the phone.

"Maura? Talk to me, Maura." Jane couldn't stop the tightening in her chest.

"Jane, I'm sorry. He said he would kill you if I…"

"Maura!" Jane looked at Bradley who had moved in close in hopes of hearing the other caller.

"Good evening, Detective Rizzoli. It's been a long time." Jane tried frantically to place the voice, but was drawing a blank.

"Who is this?" Jane had pulled the sheet up to her chest as the man's voice caused her to feel instantly vulnerable.

"You'll know soon enough. We go way back, Jane." The voice was deep and caused Jane's breathing to waver.

"Okay, okay." Jane tried to think straight. "You have a beef with me apparently. Why Dr. Isles?"

"Come on, Jane. You're smarter than that. As long as I have your best friend, you'll do whatever I ask."

"Just tell me what you want from me, I'll do it. Just leave Maura out of this, please." Jane flinched at Bradley's strong arm as it draped around her shoulders.

"See what I mean." The voice laughed causing Jane to force herself not to go off.

"Please let her go." Jane's voice sounded like someone else's when she begged.

"I will, eventually. It will be up to you as far as what shape she'll be in." Jane struggled to place the voice, growing increasingly frustrated that she still couldn't.

"Okay, tell me what you want." Jane closed her eyes as she waited.

"In time, Detective. Patience. In the meantime, Dr. Isles is a bit of a looker, don't you think."

"Please, don't hurt her. Can I at least talk to her?" Jane hated begging, but she would do whatever it took to protect her friend from whoever had a vendetta against her.

"No, I don't think that's a good idea. I'll be in touch." The line went dead and Jane covered her face with her hands.

"Oh my God." Jane's voice broke realizing this must have something to do with why Maura was so upset earlier.

Bradley turned Jane to face him. "What can I do?" He wasn't surprised at the tears that were forming in her eyes.

"I have to go to the precinct. We have to find her. I'm sorry." Jane pulled from his grasp and headed for the bathroom. She cursed herself as she looked in the mirror. Maura was the call she ignored so she could enjoy her time with Bradley.

She entered her living room to see a fully dressed Bradley ready to leave. He approached her and kissed her gently on the forehead. "I hope Maura is okay. Be careful." He wasn't sure how he felt about Jane being a cop, but he knew it was who she was.

Jane watched as he walked out of her home. She wanted to dwell in the aftermath of how great Bradley was to her, but instead was consumed with finding this maniac that was threatening her best friend.


	2. Chapter 2

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 2

I don't own Rizzoli and Isles or it's characters.

Jane secured her gun on her hip before heading out for the precinct. Her emotions were all over the place as she thought about the scared tone of Maura's voice. She replayed the short conversation in her head trying in vain to remember the voice. She fought the frustration that resulted when she just couldn't place the deep voice she heard on the other end of the line.

She had put a call in to her captain who had put out an all points bulletin and alerted the entire Boston police force that one of their own had been abducted. Maura wasn't a police officer, but she was indeed one of them. Jane made sure her disappearance was treated as such. She had put a call into her partner and also one into Korsak, her former partner and good friend.

Jane was hurrying into the precinct when the ringing of her phone stopped her. Her heart stopped briefly as she reached for it, hoping it was Maura's abductor. She was both relieved and disappointed that it was Brad.

"Any news?"

Jane was a bit irritated that he would call her so soon after they parted, but then cursed herself for being even the slightest bit upset with him. He was there when she got the call and he saw how affected she was.

"No, nothing. Listen, Brad, I'm sorry but I have to concentrate on this. I'll call you when I can." Jane allowed herself to think of how they were less than an hour earlier. Life was so not fair sometimes.

"Okay. Please be careful." Bradley seemed to understand as she listened to the line go dead.

Jane headed to the squad room where Frost was already at his computer. She was nothing but nerves as she clumsily made her way to her desk. "Where do we start?" Frost appeared as anxious as Jane.

"We need to get to her place, but I want to go through her office and lab first." Jane wiped the sweat that had formed on her brow as she turned to head out. Korsak was coming in and instantly recognized the agonized look Jane carried.

Vince took her by the arms and stopped her. "Slow down. What have you got so far."

Jane immediately felt supported with Vince Korsak, her former partner. He had been her mentor for so long that he read her better than anyone. "Not much at all. A phone call, an unfamiliar voice, and Maura scared to death."

Korsak looked over at Frost who almost on cue had the answer he knew was coming. "Number was from a prepaid disposable cell phone. No way to trace."

"I knew something was wrong with her today. She was pissed at me for pushing." Jane ran her hands through her hair as she struggled with her control. "She's had contact with him before tonight."

"Okay, let's toss her office, dump her phones, check out her place." Korsak fell in behind his former partner as Frost got busy dumping Maura's cell as well as home phone.

Maura watched quietly as the her captor paced in front of her. He seemed nervous and stressed which worried her. She shifted, trying to ease the cramping in her arms as she sat on the floor of an old abandoned building. She was soaked with sweat as there was no air circulation at all in the building.

"What is it you want from Jane?" Maura hoped that getting the man to talk would help calm him a bit.

He knelt down in front of her, pushing the sweaty hair from her forehead with the barrel of his gun. "You really don't need to know."

"How can she fix this if she doesn't know who you are or what you want?" Maura knew she was treading on dangerous ground. When he didn't answer, she tried a different approach. "What's your name? If we have to hang out here, it would be nice to know what to call you. I'm Maura."

"I know who you are. I'm Drayson. Does that help you any?" Drayson ran the barrel of his gun slowly down Maura's face.

"Yes, it does in fact help a lot. Drayson, could you untie me, I'm cramping up and it's so hot in here." Maura watched his expression hoping he would show her some compassion.

Drayson laughed as he let the gun fall from her face to her chest where he used the barrel to push her light shirt from her shoulder. "You could lose this shirt, if that'll help some."

Maura tried to hide her fear as she wondered what exactly Drayson's plans were for her and for Jane. Drayson's phone rang causing Maura to jump. She tried to listen as he quickly walked away from her as he talked. Maura realized Drayson wasn't working alone and that he was the hired hand. This made her even more nervous for Jane.

Jane wordlessly searched through Maura's desk drawers. She was looking for something out of the ordinary. Everything was out of the ordinary in Maura's complex world. Jane slammed her hands down on the desk. "We need to get to her apartment. CSU is dusting it now."

Korsak agreed as he figured they wouldn't find anything here. He glanced up at Jane when her cell rang. She quickly grabbed it. "Rizzoli."

"Ah, Jane. So good to hear your voice." Jane motioned to Vince that it was the same guy as before.

"Is Maura okay?" Jane's tone was desperate as she tried to listen for any background noise.

"Maybe. We're going to play a game, Detective."

"No games." Jane was pissed and already out of patience. "What do you want?"

"I told you, you will know when the time is right. Until then, I want you scrambling, sweating."

Jane had switched the phone to speaker so Korsak could hear. "Fine, but let me talk to Maura first."

"I call the shots, Detective. I'm in control now." Jane watched as Korsak tried to place the voice as well.

Jane cringed at the comment. "Okay, tell me. What do you want me to do?"

"I told you, I want you to sweat." Jane looked at Korsak totally confused. "How far is Dr. Isles' apartment from where you are now?"

"Not far, three miles maybe." Jane could feel the nerves building as she waited.

"Well, that's good for you. You have exactly fifteen minutes to get to her apartment. I will call you in exactly fifteen minutes and you need to be there."

Jane and Korsak headed out of Maura's office. "Then what?"

"Fifteen minutes, Rizzoli. Dr. Isles will pay for every minute you're late." Jane figured this was a fairly easy direction to follow so she let her mind try to place the voice again. She tried to think back to as many old cases as she could while making her way out to the front of the precinct.

"Oh yeah, Jane? You must be at Dr. Isles' apartment in fifteen minutes by foot. Better get running." Jane cursed out loud as she listened to the voice laugh at her through the phone.

"Why are you doing this?" Jane yelled into the phone as she leaned up against her car.

"I will know if you cheat, Rizzoli. If you want to chance it, go ahead. Remember Dr. Isles is counting on you." Jane looked at Korsak and Frost who had joined them outside. She looked down wishing she hadn't pulled jeans on, but thankful for grabbing her tennis shoes. There was no question Jane wouldn't cheat and risk Maura's safety.

Jane took off when the line went dead. Frost ran with her, staying by her side. Jane looked up, noticing the starless sky. It was well after midnight, but the warm air was immediately a factor. Jane glanced at Frost as they ran without conversation. She was unsure if she would make it in time as she glanced around wondering how this guy would know if she caught a ride.

Sweat ran down Jane's face as they picked up the pace as they got closer to Maura's apartment. Jane checked her watch as she realized it was going to be close. '

"Come on, move, move, move!" Frost yelled as Jane stumbled up and into Maura's home. Her phone rang and she immediately answered.

"Wow, Rizzoli. That was impressive. Three point three miles in…sixteen minutes. Thanks for playing. I have to go pay a visit to the lovely Dr. Isles now."

"NO!" Jane cried as she struggled to catch her breath. She fell to her knees when the line went dead. Korsak entered the room in time to see Jane nearly fall apart.

Frost knelt down beside his partner. "Maybe he's bluffing. My watch says we made it, Jane."

Jane shook her head as she slowly got to her feet. "Doesn't matter. I can't win against a ghost."


	3. Chapter 3

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 3

I don't own R & I or it's characters.

Korsak gently pulled Jane to her feet. He knew how close her and Maura had gotten and he knew she wouldn't handle it too well if Maura was hurt.

"Who is this guy? What does he want from me?" Jane was working to get her breathing back to a normal pace as she let Vince guide her over to Maura's sofa.

"Don't know. We're going through past cases now, released or paroled felons and so forth." Korsak knelt down in front of his former partner. "Gotta keep your head in this Rizzoli."

"Jane!" Frank Rizzoli pushed by the officers and made his way over to his older sister. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, Frankie." Jane sounded anything but fine, but she knew she had to be to get to the bottom of this. "Somebody took Maura to get at me."

Frankie nodded. He had already been filled in.

"What do they got you working on?" Jane was always so proud of her brother. He was always trying to prove himself in that he was more than just the kid brother, but a good cop in his own right.

"I'm accounting for Maura's whereabouts the last few days. Looking for anything or anyone out of routine. Basic stuff that anybody could do." Frankie sounded defeated.

Jane immediately got to her feet so that she matched height with her brother. "Frankie, that's important. It could turn up the lead we need. I need you to go through her phone calls, her appointment books, anything. Check out everything. We've got to find her. I've got to find…"

"Jane, we'll find her." Frankie had grabbed her hands, stopping her speech. Jane simply nodded as Frankie walked out of Maura's house.

Drayson nudged Maura with his gun to wake her. She had dozed off leaning against the wall, still bound, still hot. He held out a bottle of water to her as he waited for Maura to respond.

"No, thank you." Maura mumbled.

"Come on, Dr. Isles. It's hot as hell in here and you look like you need some water." Drayson was soaked in sweat as well as he drank from the bottle he was offering Maura.

"Please untie me." Maura pleaded as she watched Drayson consider her request.

"Can't." He placed the bottle to Maura's lips. "Drink."

Once Drayson was satisfied that she had gotten some water, he stood and walked away from her. He appeared worried and nervous.

"How much longer, Drayson? What's going on?" Maura tried to get to her feet, but the look she received from her captor told her to sit still.

"You ask a lot of question, Dr. Isles. It's really not a good thing to do right now." Drayson lit up a cigarette while he spoke.

"Can I at least speak to Jane?" Maura knew Jane was probably going crazy right about now.

Drayson blew out a steady stream of smoke in Maura's face as he knelt down in front of her once more. "No."

Maura closed her eyes and held her breath against the smoke. When she opened her eyes it was to see Drayson staring at her. Maura immediately shifted away from him, but his glare continued to burn her skin.

"Drayson, it's not too late for you, you know." Maura was never sure if it was better to talk to him or not. "You haven't hurt me and I'm sure the police would consider leniency if you stop all this."

Drayson eyed Maura as he took another hit off his cigarette. "How close are you with Detective Rizzoli?"

Maura avoided the smoke again before answering. "We're good friends."

Drayson studied Maura. "Do you know everything about her? Her past?"

Maura was finally glad to be getting some information on what was going on, but the line of questioning was making her nervous. "No, I'm sure there are things she hasn't shared."

Drayson's concentration on Maura's face didn't waver as he reached for his ringing phone. He didn't speak, only listened. He snapped the phone closed and slowly stood in front of Maura. "It seems Rizzoli passed the first test, so you live a bit longer."

Maura closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall. She knew Jane would do whatever she had to.

Jane joined Frost and Korsak and the other detectives as they searched Maura's home. She hated going through her friend's personal belongings but they really had nothing to go on at this point. "He sent us here for a reason. There's got to be something we're supposed to find." Jane was sifting through Maura's mail when her phone rang again. Korsak was immediately by her side as she checked the I.D.

"Brad, it's not a good time." Jane rolled her eyes as Korsak looked from her to Frost and then back to Jane.

"It's been a few hours, anything yet?" Brad was worried and Jane could hear it in his voice.

"I will call you soon, okay? Just really busy right now." Jane tried to keep the frustration out of her voice. She listened to Bradley tell her to be careful again before hanging up. She avoided the stares of her colleagues as she made her way to Maura's room.

"Who's Brad?" Korsak followed her as she expected.

Frost watched Jane shift uncomfortably. "Jane, is he somebody we should be looking at?"

"No." Jane was quick with her answer. "I mean, I don't think so. He's just a friend."

Korsak raised an eyebrow. "Just a friend?"

Jane blew out a long frustrated breath. "Okay, he was with me tonight when I got the call from Maura."

Korsak looked at Frost asking him to leave them alone for a minute. Jane watched Frost leave as Korsak closed the door. "Is he somebody we should be looking at?"

Jane didn't want to even consider Bradley. He was perfect for what she needed in her life right now. "Vince, I don't think so. He was with me the whole evening. Pretty good alibi wouldn't you say?" Jane couldn't help but feel slightly embarrassed as the realization crossed Korsak's face.

"Is this a serious boyfriend, Jane?"

"No. I mean yes. I mean I don't know." Jane was now beginning to feel worried. "He was with me, Vince. Accounted for."

"Still warrants checking into. What's his name?" Korsak pulled out his pad and wrote as Jane spoke.

"Does Maura know about your boyfriend?" Jane looked up at Korsak angry at herself for ignoring the obvious. Everybody knows you clear the spouse or significant other first. Her instincts said Bradley was innocent, but she shuddered at the thought anyway.

"No, she doesn't. He isn't exactly a boyfriend, just somebody I've been seeing." Jane let her thoughts take her back to her bed with Bradley. He couldn't be involved, he wouldn't do anything like this.

"How long, Jane?" Vince's tone was more fatherly now and Jane caught on.

"Not long. A month or two. He's not involved, Vince, I know it." Jane pleaded with Korsak to not ruin what she hoped would amount to something good for her.

"You know the drill, Jane. I'll get Frost to clear him." Korsak left Jane alone in Maura's room. She sat down on her friend's bed and let her eyes scan the room. She checked her phone knowing she wouldn't have missed a call, but felt the need to check anyway. She rubbed her temples as she tried to avoid the headache she felt coming on.

"Where are you, Maura?" She asked out loud to nobody.

Drayson kept a watchful eye out the window of the building he and Maura were holed up in. He had candles lit throughout the room to give them at least some light. Maura watched Drayson as he continued to smoke.

"What test did Jane pass?" Maura was convinced it was better for her if she kept him talking.

Drayson turned his attention from the window to Maura. "You really don't get it, do you?"

"Just curious." Maura watched as Drayson put out his cigarette.

"I'm a little curious too." Drayson made his way over to where Maura was sitting. He grabbed her arm, pulling her to her feet. She jerked away from him as soon as she felt his mouth on hers. Drayson seemed amused at first, then pissed. He put the gun in the front of his pants before placing both hands on Maura's face. He kissed her hard, refusing to let her pull away this time. He then backhanded her across the face and shoved her back down against the wall.

"No questions, now do you get it?" Drayson retrieved the gun and placed it against Maura's head.

Maura nodded as she closed her eyes against the burning on her face where she had been hit.

"You hang in there, Doc. As soon as I get the go ahead, I'll make you feel better." Drayson laughed as he let the barrel of the gun slide down between Maura's breasts.

Jane left Maura's room and joined her partner in the living room. Frost was focused on his laptop, but looked up at Jane as she sat down next to him. "Anything?"

"Your guy's clean, not in the system at least." Frost watched Jane's expression. "You mean to tell me you haven't already ran him?"

"That's actually illegal…you know without cause." Jane often ran her dates through the system and Frost knew it.

"Uh, huh. Why haven't you mentioned this guy before?" Frost knew he wasn't as close to Jane as Korsak and Maura were, but she hadn't mentioned Brad to them either.

Jane though about Frost's question only to drop her head into her hands when she couldn't come up with an answer. "I really don't know."

"Do you like him? You know, is he somebody you'd like to keep around?" Frost continued to type into his computer, not looking at Jane as he spoke to her.

Jane let herself turn a small smile. "Yeah, I think so."

Frost looked up, catching Jane's attention with his serious expression. "What if he's involved somehow with this?"

"Then I kill him." Jane returned the serious expression as she held Frost's gaze. She jumped as her phone rang. Korsak made his way over quickly, making eye contact with Jane as she reached for her phone.

"Rizzoli." Jane hated that this ghost was able to call the shots, completely at this point.

"Hello, beautiful." Jane switched the phone to speaker. "Ready to play?"

"No. Tell me what you want." Jane's voice was full of anger and he felt she was losing her grasp on the situation.

"We've been over this, sweetheart. I call the shots, not you. So, are you ready to play or should I play with Dr. Isles instead?" Jane looked at Korsak who shook his head signaling no voice recognition.

"Tell me what you want me to do." Jane growled into the phone.

"How far is the old abandoned train station from where you are now? You know the one behind Fenway?"

Jane ran her hand through her hair knowing what was coming. "I don't know, five or six miles."

"It's six point three miles, Detective." Jane closed her eyes and shook her head as the deep voice laughed. "I'll give you thirty minutes to get there…on foot."

"I can't do this." Jane spoke with defeat in her voice. "I'll never make it in time."

"Are you giving up, Jane? Dr. Isles will be so upset when she hears you gave up on her."

Jane forced the tears away as she looked at Frost. "No, I'm not giving up. How do I know you haven't hurt or…killed Maura?"

"You don't. Thirty minutes Rizzoli." Jane listened to the dead air waiting for the line to disconnect. "You may want to tell your buddies to hang back once you arrive. I have a surprise for you."


	4. Chapter 4

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 4

I don't own R&I…

Jane was out the door with Frost directly behind her. There was no way he was going to let her run alone and there was no time to discuss their plan of action. She had thirty minutes to run over six miles, the feat sounded impossible at best. She had done three in fifteen so the math added up, but Jane wasn't a runner. She ran on the treadmill from time to time, but never through the city to save her best friend's life. She glanced over at Frost who could read the concern on her face through the sweat that was already saturating her skin.

Korsak had gone ahead with a team of officers, but was instructed to keep away from the abandoned train station until Jane arrived. Their suspect was calling the shots and it still wasn't known how he was able to stay one step ahead of the police.

Maura fought the sleep that her body demanded. Her clothes were soaked with sweat, her muscles ached and her wrists were throbbing from the restraints. She was careful not to provoke Drayson as he was becoming more and more agitated as time went on. Drayson stared at his phone as he nervously tapped his water bottle against the window.

"Drayson. May I have some water, please." Maura held her breath as she watched him contemplate her request.

"Sure." Maura hoped she wouldn't have to pay for some relief from the suffocating heat as Drayson made his way over to her with a bottle. It wasn't cold, but it was wet and Maura didn't care that he spilled half of it on her.

"I don't see Rizzoli pulling through this time. It's funny how things have a way of coming full circle, isn't it Doc?" Drayson lit another cigarette making Maura wonder how he could smoke with it being so hot.

"Whatever it is, she'll do it." Maura mumbled leaving her head against the wall as she spoke.

"You got a hell of a lot of faith in that broad." Drayson let his fingers trail Maura's jaw line. "It's going to be sad when she fails and you have to pay."

Maura was careful not to pull away and aggravate Drayson. She wanted to know what was going on and why they were targeting Jane. She closed her eyes against his touch and prayed Jane would pull through.

Frost was dripping sweat as he kept pace with his partner. He had an earpiece in that was giving him information. The train station was indeed deserted, no activity from what the police could see from the distance they kept. He didn't attempt to relay information to Jane as their pace made it difficult to breathe, let alone talk. He glanced over at her and knew she was determined to make it in time, despite the fact she was also dripping sweat.

Korsak relayed to Frost a route through a residential neighborhood that would shave at least two minutes. Frost pulled Jane by the arm as he followed Korsak's directions. Jane was doubtful of the detour, but knew she would never make it in time if they continued on their original route. Korsak warned them of an upcoming junk yard that they needed to cut through. It was after two in the morning, so Frost figured they would be able to get through it unnoticed.

Jane couldn't help but groan out loud when she saw the eight foot barbed wire fence that they were quickly approaching. "Frost…" She grabbed his arm as she had to stop. "What now?" She struggled to catch her breath.

"We climb. Come on, we've got to keep going." Frost hit the fence first and quickly made his way to the top. Jane couldn't help but think the man was a machine as he carefully maneuvered his body around the sharp metal at the top. She scaled the fence just as quickly despite the burning in her legs that screamed at her to stop.

Jane sucked in her breath as she felt the metal rip the skin on her hand as she made her way over the wire. Frost had made it to the ground and after seeing her on her way he took off ahead to check for an easier way out of the junkyard. Frost ran with a speed that amazed Jane. She reminded herself that she did have a good couple of years on him as she made her way to the ground on the other side of the fence.

She wanted to stay on the ground but found her legs propelling her forward at the sound of Frost's voice. He was holding up the fence a few feet off the ground where it had been damaged. Jane was thankful not to have to scale another fence as she hit the ground and slid through with ease. She grabbed the fence in the same way, allowing Frost to slide through as well.

The partners ran through the darkness until they hit a neighborhood street where most of the streetlights had been broken. She knew they had to be close and hoped like hell they were. Frost continued to push and Jane wondered what this guy was made of. She wished he could go on ahead, but she knew it didn't matter if he made it in thirty minutes. Frost grabbed her arm as he cut through an empty field behind a mini mart. Jane knew Korsak was navigating the way for them and felt confident he would find a way to get them there on time.

Jane glanced at Frost as she eyed the train station in the distance. He seemed to see it as well and only then did he appear winded. She pushed her legs to move faster as she knew they had to be close to time.

"Time?" Jane huffed out as she came up on Frost who had been just a few feet ahead of her. She refused to drop to the ground doubting she would be able to get up again. She instead bent over with her hands on her knees forcing herself to take deep breaths to control her breathing.

"Twenty-eight and a half." Frost smiled as he saw the relief cross his partners face.

"Let's go." Jane pulled her gun and used it to lead her way into the dark abandoned station. Together they silently moved through the building listening and looking for something, anything as to why they were sent there. Jane gripped her gun tight after wiping her hands on her jeans due to the sweat.

Police moved in and surround the station yard. Jane looked up furious that they had moved in too soon. She dropped her gun to her side as she expected her phone to ring at any second. She grabbed it in anger. "Rizzolli!"

"You are definitely one amazing woman, Jane." She cringed at the compliment that was meant to torment.

"You've tortured me like you wanted. Tell me what you want." Jane figured her demands would go unmet, but she had to try nonetheless.

"You haven't even begun to suffer, love." The simple comment was followed by laughter. Jane looked up at Frost who seemed to hear the same mistake she had. The ghost's voice had been deep and deliberate earlier, but this time she heard an English accent. "I left a surprise for you in the car number eight on the west side track."

Jane closed her eyes hating that she was about to beg. "Please, let me know that Maura is okay."

"Go see for yourself, Detective. Oh, and thanks for playing." Jane cursed out loud as she snapped her phone shut. She gripped her gun as the anger ripped through her system. Korsak and several officers had made their way into the station and fell in behind Rizzoli and Frost as they made their way out into the yard. Frost pointed out the rusting cars in the distance as he led his partner toward the tracks.

Jane rushed toward the cars, stopping before heading in. Korsak nodded as she hesitated. "What if it's Maura?" Jane's voice shook as she spoke.

Frost reached up and opened the door encouraging his partner to enter. She climbed into the hot car using her flashlight to search. She stopped as her light fell on the form of a body in the farthest corner of the car.

"No." Jane's voice was barely a whisper as she made her way to the covered form. Her eyes were quickly filled with tears as she knelt beside the form. She holstered her gun before reaching for the dirty canvas covering. She pulled the cover back feeling a sick sense of relief as she realized the body was of a male and not Maura.

Frost kept his flashlight on the body and Jane set hers down so that she could turn the body. Her scream echoed throughout the car causing Korsak to push his way in to get to her. Frost tried to keep her from grabbing Frankie as he knew the risk of losing key evidence. Jane cried out loud as she slid her fingers onto his neck.

"Frankie, Frankie, honey. Can you hear me?" Jane was frantic as she checked his body to see where he was hurt. "I need help!"

Korsak dropped to his knees after radioing for an ambulance. He too tried to keep Jane from touching Frankie too much, but quickly gave up. Jane didn't try to hide the tears and her cries broke his heart.

Jane held her brother close to her while she waited on the paramedics. "Hang on, Frankie. Please, hang on for me." Jane rocked him ignoring the commotion as helped arrived. Frost had to forcefully pull his partner from the younger Rizzoli so he could receive the help he needed.

Jane was bordering hysteria as grief and exhaustion threatened to shut her body down. Korsak insisted she ride with her brother to the hospital assuring her he would handle things at the scene.

"Wake up, Doc." Drayson lightly kicked Maura's legs. He waited until she opened her eyes, immediately showing disappointment at the sight of him. "Looks like you get to live a bit longer."

Maura closed her eyes to block out Drayson's face once she realized Jane was still fighting for her.

"Too bad for her kid brother though." He laughed as the tears began to run down Maura's sweat streaked face.


	5. Chapter 5

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 5

I don't own R & I.

"Is he dead?" Maura was physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. She knew how close Jane was to her younger brother and wondered if she knew yet.

"Most likely." Drayson didn't appear too interested in discussing the younger Rizzoli as he continued to play with his phone.

"Does Jane know?" Maura knew she was pushing by asking so many questions.

Drayson glanced at his watch. "Most likely."

Maura closed her eyes as tears continued to fall. Her thoughts took her back to how Jane had begged her to save Frankie's life when he was shot back at the precinct last year. She desperately tried to erase the image from her mind. "Drayson, could you please untie my hands. We've been here for hours and I really don't feel good."

Drayson crouched down in front of Maura. He let his eyes drift over her body until she shifted uncomfortably. "When I untie you, you'll feel better. I'll make sure of that." Drayson laughed as she reached out to touch Maura's face.

"I want to know what's going on. It's the least you can do. Tell me! Why are you doing this? Who is after Jane? Tell me!" Maura didn't care about the danger she was putting herself in anymore.

The pain she felt immediately after she spoke was enough to make her hold her breath. "I told you no questions." Drayson's voice was low and controlled as he used his fingers to wipe away the blood that appeared when he split Maura's lip. "This will all be over soon, don't worry so much."

Jane paced in the waiting room while the doctors worked on Frankie. She didn't know the extent of his injuries, but she was able to see he was stabbed numerous times. She noticed her fellow officers and friends as they poured into the hospital, but couldn't comprehend anything they said to her. Her captain was there and seemed to keep a protective barrier around her as the media converged quickly into the emergency waiting room.

Jane followed at her boss' direction into a small office that had been made available for them. She was only slightly relieved with the stillness of the room. She finally let her self sit down as her legs threatened to give out on her. Her mind was fixed on the voice she heard moments before finding Frankie. She heard her captain's voice, but couldn't make out what he was saying to her. She didn't want to lose the voice as she replayed his words over and over.

"I think it's time to take you off this, Rizzoli." Jane's eyes immediately shot up.

"You cant. Sir. He will kill Maura. Look what he did to Frankie!" Jane forced herself to stand.

"Exactly. Look at you, you can't even function. You're going to get yourself killed."

"He wants me to pay for something, he's made that much clear." Jane returned to her chair and placed her head in her hands. I think I recognize the voice from a past case, but I can't place him."

"We're working that angle, Jane. In the meantime, you're done." Jane watched as her boss stared her down.

"It's not our choice. He will kill her if I don't follow his directions. I can't let that happen, Sir." Jane pleaded with her captain. "Please, sir."

Jane was relieved and anxious as she watched her captain concede. He opened the door just as Korsak arrived with Frost in tow. Jane jumped to her feet, hoping for something to go on. The look on their faces told her they had nothing.

"Your parents are with Frankie now. They're preparing him for surgery." Vince sat down directly across from Jane.

Jane let tears fall now that it was just the three of them in the room. "He's bad off, isn't he?"

Vince took her hands in his as he let them all be in silence for a few minutes. Finally Korsak spoke, causing Jane to jump a bit. "Frost said you may have caught something in his voice on the last call?"

Jane wiped at the tears as she forced herself back into cop mode. "An accent. English maybe?" Frost nodded at her guess.

"Vince, I don't know who this is. He seems to know me, but I have no clue. I can't place his voice, I don't remember a case that might have involved him. I cant…" Jane was beginning to come unglued and Vince could sense it.

"Okay." He placed his hands on her arms to calm her. "He'll make a mistake eventually. It's up to us to capitalize when he does."

Jane stood and walked away from the two men. "Look what he did to Frankie…because of me. What has he done to Maura?" Jane's voice trailed off as she failed at blocking the images of Maura hurt from her mind.

Korsak pulled her to him and listened to the tough detective cry quietly. He rarely saw her this upset in their many years together and it scared him. She instantly pulled away when her phone began to ring at her side.

"Rizzoli." Jane was careful to clear her throat before answering. She switched to speaker right away.

"Ah, hello beautiful." Jane's eyes locked on Korsak's as he concentrated on the voice. "How's Frankie?"

"Enough already! If you want me, let's do this!" Jane was instantly pissed and done with the games.

"I do want you, love." Jane's eyes widened as she heard the slight accent again. Korsak motioned to keep him talking.

"Then come after me. Why hurt my family?" Jane closed her eyes as she waited the response.

"You ask too many questions as well. Dr. Isles has finally learned to stop asking questions. I had to 'explain' to her why she shouldn't ask so many questions. She gets it now, I think." The laughter suggested he hurt her making Jane struggle with her anger.

"What did you do?" Jane hissed out her words ignoring his warning about questions.

"Are you ready to play? Let's play another game, detective."

"NO! No more. I'm done playing." Jane was furious now. There was silence on the line, but they all knew he was still there. Jane realized the consequences of her refusing to play and knew she couldn't do anything about it. "Please, just tell me what you want from me. Nobody else needs to be hurt."

"I've always liked that about you, Rizzoli. Hearing you beg has always done a little something to my heart."

Jane now knew it was definitely somebody from her past. She closed her eyes in frustration as to who and when. The tension was thick as the three detectives waited for the ghost to continue.

"Beg for me, Jane." The slightly deep chuckle caused Jane to feel vulnerable. "Beg me not to rape your beautiful friend."

Jane kept her eyes closed as she slowly sat down in the chair once again. "Please don't hurt Maura." Her voice was deep, defeated. She knew what this sick animal wanted to hear and it killed her that she wasn't acting. She couldn't handle it if Maura was raped because of her losing her temper.

"Nice." Jane cringed at his words. "Now are you ready to play?"

"Yes." Jane fought to keep her voice from breaking. "What do you want me to do?"

Korsak and Frost moved in close in an attempt to provide support for the exhausted detective.

"Dr. Isles is at the train station, the very same station you were at. I'm surprised you didn't find her." Jane opened her eyes instantly meeting Korsak's.

"You're lying." Jane couldn't help but hope he wasn't.

"Maybe. Don't worry, I won't make you run this time. I want you to be able to function when we're finally alone." Jane wanted to feel relieved, but shuddered at what he was implying.

Jane listened to his deep laugh as she slowly got to her feet. "One hour, Jane. You have one hour to show up. Bring your friends, bring the media, bring them all. I want them all to see you beg. I want them all to see you break."

Jane stared at her phone. The more he talked the stronger the accent. "Will you let Maura go once I am there?"

"Hmmm." the voice seemed to be considering. "I like Dr. Isles, but I love you. Have for a long time now."

"Then why are you doing this to me?" Jane's voice did break this time as the frustration showed.

"Think about it, Jane. You could never love somebody like me. Not after what you did to me."

Jane knew he was giving her clues, but her memory was failing her. "Please tell me who you are."

There was silence on the line as the detectives held their breath. "I am the one man that will control you completely. I will break you and make you beg me for mercy. I will make you wish you were dead…right before I kill you."

Frost got to his feet closing the distance between him and his partner. She slowly closed her phone squeezing it in her hands. They sat in silence waiting for Jane's response.

"Ready?" Jane's eyes were empty as she looked from one partner to the other.

Frost left the room to inform the captain of the new demands. Vince turned her to face him directly. "You don't have to do this."

"I do. Maura needs me." Jane whispered her words.

"He's beating us, Jane. We can't stop him. He will kill you." Korsak was now coming unglued as he knew Jane was preparing to go up against the devil.

"If I don't go, he will kill Maura. I can't live with that, Vince." Jane's eyes were filled with tears as she spoke. She wiped them as she glanced around the room. "Could you check on Frankie, please."

Vince reluctantly left her alone. He knew she needed to know about her brother. He also knew she needed to be alone for a few minutes.

Drayson kicked Maura's legs, waking her once again. "Rizzoli's on the way."

Maura struggled to comprehend what he was saying. Dehydration was setting in as she could taste the blood on her lips. Her face was sore where he had hit her earlier and she was soaked with sweat. She noticed the sun was coming up, but wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not.

"Did you hear me, Doc?" Drayson nudged her with the barrel of the gun against her cheek.

"I did." Maura had hoped to be able to see Jane again, but she knew that this wouldn't end good.

"In less than an hour, it's show time. And you get front row seats." Drayson laughed as Maura closed her eyes against his breath on her face.


	6. Chapter 6

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 6

I don't own R & I.

Korsak tapped lightly on the door before entering. Jane was seated, rocking back and forth as her nerves threatened to overwhelm her. He really wished there was another option, but he new Jane was right. Whoever the animal was that was behind all this had made it very clear. He wanted Jane and would kill whoever he had to in order to get to her.

"Frankie's still in surgery. Couldn't get much from the nurses on his condition." Korsak watched Jane rock, wondering if she was hearing him. "Your mom wants to see you, but I told her now's not good."

Jane looked up at Korsak with the mention of her mother. "Yeah, that's good. Thanks."

Korsak knelt down in front of her, placing his hands on her knees in an attempt to get her to stop the motion. He watched Jane's face carefully as she stopped rocking and raised her eyes to meet his. "Do you think he has already hurt Maura?"

"I hope not." Korsak's voice was barely a whisper.

Jane pulled her phone from her pocket and flipped it open. "Haven't heard from Brad lately." She answered Vince's questioning expression.

"Jane, have you found Maura?" Jane wasn't surprised when Bradley answered on the first ring.

"No, not yet." Jane tried to force the idea of Brad having anything to do with this from her thoughts.

"Are you okay? How are you holding up?"

"I'm okay. I just had a free minute, thought I'd give you a call. You seemed so worried earlier." Jane really hoped he wasn't involved.

"I'm worried now." Jane listened to the silence in the background before Bradley spoke again. "It's good to hear your voice."

"I'll call you as soon as we find her." Jane couldn't help but feel affected by the pull his voice had on her. She listened to him tell her to be careful before hanging up. Jane looked at Korsak and shook her head.

They were both startled as Frost barreled his way into the small office. "We move in ten."

Jane waited until her and Korsak were alone again before getting to her feet. She began to pace, rubbing her hands on her jeans as she walked. She stopped and smiled awkwardly at Korsak. "Feel a little like I'm going into the lion's den, you know."

"I know." Korsak knew she trusted him. He also knew she was scared.

"I just wish we could figure out who the hell this guy is." Jane's voice was rough as she resumed her nervous pacing.

"Let's go, Doc." Drayson roughly pulled Maura to her feet. "We've got our orders to move."

Maura struggled to keep her balance at first, her legs cramping from the heat. "Where are we going?"

Drayson shook his head as he guided Maura out of the hot, stale building into the bright morning sun. She closed her eyes and ducked her head against the sudden light. She could feel her feet dragging along the gravel as Drayson hurriedly guided her into another building a few yards from the one they just left.

"Please, Drayson. It's not too late to stop all this. I know the police will go easy on you if you put a stop to this without anyone else getting hurt." Maura tried again to appeal to her captor as he pushed her down against a thick metal pole. He untied her hands allowing her to bring them around to the front.

"I can't stop anything, Doc." Drayson helped Maura rub her wrists from the ropes. "I don't want to see Jane hurt any more than you do, but it's out of my hands."

Maura studied Drayson's face as he seemed lost in his thoughts as he rubbed Maura's arms gently. "Why? Why Drayson?"

Maura flinched as Drayson seemed to startle out of his thoughts. He grabbed her arms, pulling them roughly behind her back once again. He tied her hands together and around the pole. He stood ignoring Maura's cries that the ropes were unnecessarily too tight.

"I told you about asking questions." Drayson's voice wasn't as threatening and Maura picked up on the shift in his demeanor.

"Drayson, I can tell you're not a killer. Whatever he's promising you, it's not worth life in prison." Maura tried again hoping she could get through to him.

Maura held her breath as Drayson slowly made his way towards her. He stopped and knelt down in front of her. He tossed his gun from hand to hand as he watched Maura intently. "My father isn't quite right. He's been angry since I can remember; since mom died."

Maura was relieved that Drayson was talking. "What happened to your mother?" Maura found herself wondering what Jane had to do with Drayson losing his mother.

"She was killed. My dad says it was Jane Rizzoli's fault. He said she didn't care about my mother, just about getting her collar." Drayson was growing angrier as he talked.

"That doesn't sound like Jane at all." Maura bit her lip as Drayson raised his eyes to glare at her. "Is that why your father is after Jane? Some sort of revenge?"

Drayson glared at Maura. "It was a long time ago. Rizzoli ended up with a promotion, I ended up without a mother. Doesn't seem fair, does it?"

Maura watched Drayson as he stood to his full height. It was as if he realized he said too much when he began to grow angry again. "I want Jane to feel what it's like to lose somebody she loves." Drayson placed his gun at Maura's temple causing her to turn her head away.

Maura was afraid to say anything more; nervous about the way Drayson's mood had changed again. "I don't want to hurt you, Doc. I like you. You seem to care about people unlike Rizzoli."

"I'm sure she tried to help your mother." Maura whispered against the feel of the gun shaking in Drayson's hand.

"She didn't. I promised my dad we would make her pay and we will." Drayson smiled but Maura noticed he wasn't entirely comfortable with the plan he spoke of. They both jump slightly when the phone rang. Drayson answered and quickly left the building leaving Maura alone, tied to the pole to wait.

Jane, Korsak, Frost and several uniforms and other detectives arrived on scene. Jane placed the ear piece in her ear and strapped on the Kevlar vest. Frost did the same as it was announced they would be the only two entering the abandoned building. The swat team quickly moved into place and the media was kept back at a safe distance.

The deserted area was quiet as the early morning sun cast a slight shadow by the train cars. Jane's eyes fell on the car she found Frankie in just a few hours earlier. She forced her eyes to scan the rest of the yard as she proceeded further in with her partner. She gripped her gun tighter with each step as they made their way to the first of two small buildings.

"Movement at eleven o'clock." The swat team commander hissed into Jane's ear as Frost received the same information. They both immediately took cover, waiting for the go-ahead to continue on. Jane locked eyes with Frost as they peered out from behind the disabled train caboose.

Jane wiped the sweat that was streaming down her face onto her neck. The vest was heavy and hot and her breathing was hard and labored. Frost was struggling with the heat as well as he made his way to the next building. Jane was only a second behind him as together they entered letting their eyes adjust to the sudden darkness. They listened carefully and walked slowly. Frost pulled the black paper covering from the window allowing light to fill the room they found themselves in.

Jane caught a glimpse of swat team members as they invaded the station yard and took up positions throughout. She glanced around the room before looking to Frost. "She was here." Jane all but mouthed the words to her partner as she pointed to several water bottes and some food wrappers in the corner.

Jane was filled with a new determination as she realized her ghost hadn't lied. He did have Maura here at the same station they were at earlier. She used her gun to guide her to each area and room of the building. The noise of nearby traffic was the only noise she heard despite the ear piece. She felt Frost right on her heels as they entered what appeared to be offices. Most of the windows were covered; the ones that weren't allowed enough light to be able to see clearly as they made their way through the building.

"No movement at the perimeters. Exits secured." Frost looked at Jane as they received the update on the activity outside. She turned her attention to what looked to be the last room in the building they hadn't searched through yet. She slowly pushed open the door, her gun leading her charge. Frost entered just behind her with his gun drawn and ready.

"Oh my God!" Jane quickly made her way over to Maura who instantly reacted to her friend's voice.

"Jane! Jane, he's in here!" Maura's voice shook when she spoke. Jane glanced at Frost who continued to scan the room. He then took a protective stance in front of Jane as she bent down to her friend.

"I know." Jane whispered trying to keep Maura calm. Jane used her hands to wipe the sweat from Maura's face as she examined the bruises that had surfaced. "What did they do to you." Jane whispered more to herself, not wanting an answer. She fought to control the tears from clouding her vision as she watched Maura give in to hers.

Jane reached around her friend and untied her hands. Maura's arms immediately went around Jane's neck. "Are you okay? Did they hurt you?"

"No." Maura's hold was tight and Jane knew she was scared. She pulled Maura's arms from her and held her hands.

"I need you to stay right here, please Maura. I have to find this animal before he finds me." Jane knew she didn't want to stay there and the last thing Jane wanted was to leave her alone now that they found her.

Maura nodded slowly until the loud sound of a gunshot filled the room. Jane immediately used her body to cover her friend as she felt Frost's weight slam into her back. Frost's screams pierced the room as Jane whirled around ready to shoot. She quickly pulled her partner so that they were under the window where she could only assume the shot came from. Maura was quickly by Jane's side as she ignored her old injuries to assess Frost. Jane's breathing was uneven as she worked to calm her nerves.

"GSW to the upper leg." Maura undid Frost's vest removing it despite his screams. "Help me, Jane."

Jane followed Maura's directions as they worked to pull Frost's shirt over his head. Maura then tied it tightly around his wound. Jane tried to reassure her wounded partner as he struggled to manage his pain.

Jane kept her gun trained on the only way in to the room as she listened intently to the swat team commander feeding her information. "No movement, no visual on the suspect."

Jane glanced at Maura. "I have to go. If I stay here, you are in the line of fire."

"Okay." Maura cradled Frost's head in her lap. "Jane…"

Jane hated to leave them, but she knew the shot wasn't meant for her. Frost was the intended and she knew Maura would be next. Her ghost wanted her to suffer, to hurt. He would shoot Maura in front of her to make sure she felt that pain.

Maura's eyes left Jane's as Drayson appeared from the far corner of the room. He had been in the room the whole time and was now crouched behind Maura with his gun to her head.

Jane immediately had her gun aimed at the man who kept his face hidden behind Maura. "Drayson, please." Maura begged as Jane scrambled to get into a position to fire.

Drayson pulled Maura to her feet, using her body to protect his. "Glad you could make it, babe."

Jane recognized the voice instantly and her heart sunk taking her breath with it. Drayson kept his hold tight on Maura as he revealed himself to Jane.

"Bradley." Jane's grip on her gun tightened even more as her finger shook on the trigger.


	7. Chapter 7

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 7

I don't own R&I.

Jane kept her eyes trained on Bradley despite the labored movements from her wounded partner. She was frustrated at how well Brad was able to protect himself using Maura's body as a shield.

"I know you won't hurt her. You would've already if you wanted to." Jane knew she was calling his bluff, but she knew something had to give.

"I like the good Doc here." Bradley moved them both towards Frost. Jane shifted her position slightly when he stepped on Frost's stomach to stop his movements. "You're the one that's going to hurt."

"Why, Bradley. Tell me why." Jane began to move to her left, forcing Bradley to do the same. He removed his foot from her partner which was her immediate goal.

"Drayson, I can't breathe." Maura grasped at his arm that was tightening around her as they moved. Jane watched the interaction between her recent lover and her best friend. She never told Maura about Brad and wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing at this point. Maura shifted her position, exposing Bradley to Jane for a brief second. Jane cursed herself as she didn't capitalize. She was terrified of hitting Maura, therefore missing the brief opportunity that was provided to take out her abductor.

"Jane, you need to drop your weapon. We don't have a lot of time here and you're wasting what we do have." Bradley looked from Jane down to Frost who had since stopped moving at all.

Jane ignored his threat. She continued moving to her left, forcing Bradley to do the same. She wanted to wipe the sweat that continuously ran down her face threatening her vision. She let her eyes shift to Maura's for a brief second. Long enough to see the fear that consumed her friend.

"Bradley, it's over. You know this place is surrounded. Tell me what you want from me and we can end this." Jane's voice was deep and rough against the otherwise quiet , stuffy room.

"I want you to suffer, Jane." Bradley moved the barrel of the gun to Maura's temple causing her to flinch at the contact. Jane watched as Maura closed her eyes.

"Let Dr. Isles go and deal with me. She's innocent in all this, you know that." Jane pleaded with him, not expecting him to concede in any way.

"You took somebody from us, Rizzoli. You need to know how it feels to have somebody you love taken from you." Bradley cocked the gun at Maura's head causing Jane to panic.

"Okay, okay." Jane knelt down preparing to lay her gun on the ground. She kept her eyes on Maura who was now begging her with her eyes not to give up her gun. Jane continued to talk to Bradley in hopes of catching him off guard. "Who did I take from you, Brad?"

"My mother, you stupid bitch. You said you would get her out instead you went after the maniac that was holding them in the bank. He killed them all, but you got him. Promoted to detective after that. How nice for you, Detective Rizzoli." Bradley was worked up now and Jane gripped her gun tightly as she hesitated on relinquishing it.

Jane searched her memory and looked at Bradley closely. She remembered him. She remembered talking to him outside the bank. He had changed quite a bit, aged, hardened. She watched his expression as he watched her put the pieces together.

He watched Jane intently as she struggled against her decision to surrender her gun. "Despite all this, you were great last night, babe." Bradley laughed as Jane closed her eyes and shook her head.

"Drayson, it's still not too late. Detective Frost needs help." Maura's words were meant more for Jane as she saw her friend begin to lose control of her emotions. She hoped her voice would refocus Jane and was pleased to see they did. Maura could see the betrayal that set into Jane's eyes when she looked up once again to face her friend.

Bradley turned to look behind him at Frost. Maura felt his movement and pulled her body to the right exposing Brad's upper body. Jane knew she only had a split second to react and fired once. Bradley immediately fell to the ground pulling Maura with him. Jane's hands were on her friend instantly pulling her away from Bradley. Jane searched Maura frantically praying she wasn't hit.

Maura opened her eyes to see her friend searching her face. "Okay?"

"Yeah, I think so." Maura tried to calm Jane who was quickly losing her battle with the tears. "Jane, his father is behind all this. He's got to be the one who shot Frost."

Jane quickly checked Bradley. She shook her head as her shot had killed him instantly. Maura watched as Jane struggled with what she had to do. She had figured out through their brief conversation that Bradley and Jane had been lovers, with Jane unsuspecting of Brad's intentions. Jane pulled the gun from his hand and checked it quickly. It was indeed loaded.

Maura had made her way over to Frost and was checking his pulse. "He's hanging on, Jane. We've got to get him out of here."

Jane knelt down to her partner. "I've got to find him. I've got to go, okay. Hang on for me." She spoke directly into his ear. Frost nodded slightly signally to Jane that he heard her.

"Maura, I've got to find him before he finds me." Jane cringed at the panicked look on Maura's face. "Don't let him die while I'm gone."

Maura's stressed expression didn't change with her words. "Try not to let him die?" Jane tried again. She then grabbed Maura's arms with her hands, looking her friend directly in the eyes. "Stay with me, Maura."

Jane forced Bradley's gun into Maura's hand. "Bad ass. Remember Maura? Bad ass. Shoot if you have to."

Maura searched Jane's eyes. Jane forced a smile as she watched Maura recall their conversation from last year. Maura had never fired a gun, but Jane figured they had nothing to lose at this point.

Maura was terrified as she looked from Jane to Bradley to Frost and then back to Jane. "Okay. Go, Jane, go." Maura lifted Frost's head into her lap as Jane got to her feet. She headed for the door adjusting her earpiece hoping to get something from her help outside.

The sound of shattering glass and gunfire caused Maura to cover Frost with her body as her eyes frantically searched for Jane. She found her huddled down against the wall struggling to breathe. It only took seconds for Maura to realize Jane had been hit and was bleeding from her left shoulder. Jane held her right hand up to stop Maura from coming to her aid. She was convinced Bradley's father would shoot Maura if she tried to help her.

Jane tried in vain to appear strong and in control as she knew Maura would ignore her request to stay away if she succumbed to the pain. She shifted her gun into her right hand and clumsily tried to grasp it tight. Maura knew Jane was left handed and was now even more nervous if that were even possible.

Jane pushed the earpiece back into her ear hoping to hear a familiar voice. She heard the original swat commander as he ordered his people into place throughout the train yard. She heard 'shots fired' quite a few times, but realized they didn't know where she was. She saw the two way radio on Frost's hip and thought about going for it, but was hesitant to move. She had a clear view of the window despite most of it being covered with the dark paper.

"Deep breaths, Jane." Maura's voice once again grounded Jane as she realized she wasn't breathing in response to the pain. Jane was sweating profusely and thought briefly about taking off the vest. It was heavy and hot and made her chest ache. Jane glanced toward the door that was open. It wasn't open when she was headed for it only seconds earlier. She gripped her gun and aimed at the door as she forced herself into some kind of a defensive position. She knew she was no good shooting right handed and prayed she could hit whatever target she selected.

Jane let her eyes drift back to Maura who was still crouched over Frost. Jane wasn't sure if Maura's face was streaked with sweat or tears or both. It didn't really matter either way. "Maura?" Jane's voice was weak causing Maura to once again want to come to her aid. "No." Jane forced her to stay put.

Jane was about to ask her to slide Frost's radio to her when movement out of the corner of her eye by the door caught her attention. She pulled her gun up, but was too late.

"Hello, love." Jane's ghost was real and in front of her. She pulled her gun up and fired immediately but as she had feared, missed. Bradley's father was a much bigger and harder version of his son. He was close enough to overpower Jane, taking her gun from her. He had counted on her inaccuracy and it paid off for him. Jane watched him in fear as he pulled her to her feet. She recognized him from the day at the bank and was ready to give up.

"I see you decided to take my son from me as well." The English accent made Jane shudder. "Do you remember me, Detective Rizzoli?"

"Benjamin." Jane forced his name out as he continued to apply pressure to her shoulder.

"You take my wife, I take your brother. You take my son, I take your…

"No!" Jane cried out as Benjamin turned his gun toward Maura. "Please." Jane gasped for air as she pleaded with Bradley's father.

Benjamin laughed as she turned his attention back to Jane. He slowly moved his gun so that it rested at the base of Jane's throat.

Benjamin used his free hand to push into Jane's injured shoulder causing her to cry out in pain. He moved his mouth in close to Jane's face, close enough for her to feel his breath on her face. "It's you or her, Detective."

Jane prayed Maura would take a shot. She didn't care if she was hit in the process. He would kill them both. Where were the swat members? Where was Korsak? Surely they figured out where they were by now. "Me." Jane called out just before Benjamin slammed the butt of the gun against Jane's face, causing her to fall to the ground.

"Nah, too easy." Benjamin laughed as he easily pulled Jane back to her feet. "I need you to watch this, Rizzoli."

Jane met Maura's eyes as blood mixed with sweat poured into her right eye. Jane pleaded with Maura to take the shot despite the consequences. None of them were going to make it out alive if she didn't at least try. Maura seemed to be able to read her best friend's desperate pleas.

"Benjamin, kill me." Jane's forceful voice made her English ghost direct his full attention on the wounded detective.

"Oh, I will love. When the time is right."


	8. Chapter 8

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 8

I don't own R & I.

Jane tried to see Maura without losing Benjamin's attention. As long as he was facing her, there was an opportunity for Maura to shoot. Benjamin had a strong hold now on Jane's shoulder keeping her pinned by pain to the wall. With Jane immobilized, he let his gaze fall on Maura. Jane prayed she'd keep the gun hidden.

"What do ya think, Doc? Is Detective Rizzoli gonna make it?

Maura focused on Jane's face, hoping for some clue as to how she was doing. "That's up to you, it seems."

"Why yes it is." Benjamin squeezed her shoulder causing Jane to cry out involuntarily. "I don't think she likes having so little control."

"Please let me help her." Maura gently lifted Frost's head from her lap before standing on weakened legs. She took a few steps toward Benjamin despite him turning his gun on her.

"No, Maura!" Jane forced out an order that she was sure Maura would ignore. Jane's pleas were met with the butt of Benjamin's gun immediately knocking her to the ground. Benjamin then advanced on Maura, grabbing her tightly around the neck from behind.

Jane tried to see out of her swollen eye. Her head was spinning and she feared she would soon pass out. She struggled to get to her hands and knees only to fall flat after several attempts. Jane heard Maura pleading with Benjamin but couldn't lift her head up to see her. She was able to see Frost from her position on the ground. She followed his eyes as he motioned with them to the window. Jane was barely able to make out the shadows of swat members as they moved into place outside the window. She wished she could find her earpiece, she needed to know the plan.

Maura's shaking voice brought her attention back to her friend. She forced herself up to her knees, searching desperately for her. Jane raised her throbbing head up high enough to see that Benjamin had Maura trapped tightly against his body. They were facing her and the look on Maura's face was enough to make her want to die. She chanced a glance towards Frost only now seeing the earpiece in his ear. He had known all along what was going on.

"Benjamin, don't do this. You've won, okay. I get it." Jane's voice was rough, deep.

"No, you don't get it. You won't get it until she does." Benjamin's accent was thick as anger flooded it. Jane glanced again at Frost watching the movement in his hands. He held out one finger, then two, then…

Jane reached out with both arms despite the shearing pain that screamed from her shoulder. She forced her fingers to latch around Maura's legs, pulling with what strength she had left. Gunfire filled the room as Jane jumped onto Maura instinctively covering her head. She prayed she wasn't hit by Benjamin or the sniper fire. She could feel Maura's body flinch at each shot as it rained into the room from the window.

"Rizzoli!" Jane could hear Benjamin's voice above the gunfire. She heard the door fly open and more gunfire. She turned her head just in time to see Benjamin half step, half fall backward before slamming into the floor. She knew he had been hit by several bullets, but kept her eyes on him. He lay motionless as the noise finally stopped.

"Maura. It 's over, it's over Maura." Jane struggled to sit up but the pain and the fatigue were settling in causing her to feel paralyzed. Jane rolled slightly toward her right, so Maura could crawl out from under her. Jane suddenly felt two strong hands on her pulling her the rest of the way from her friend.

"Jane, come on. You need help." Jane recognized Korsak's voice instantly, but her attention was on Maura.

Jane covered her badly bleeding, swollen eye so that she could focus out of her other. Maura hadn't moved yet scaring Jane.

"Maura! Vince!" Jane forced herself to her knees again only to collapse as Korsak was immediately tending to Maura at the direction of Jane's voice. She watched from the ground as Korsak's fingers went to her neck. She held her breath watching him wave frantically toward the medics that were entering the room now.

Vince turned Maura cradling her in his arms. Maura had been hit in the chest and the blood was pooling on the floor underneath her.

"NO!" Jane half screamed half cried when she saw that Maura had been shot. She forced herself to move towards her friend. Maybe if she could just talk to her, she would know it was over. She needed to tell her she was safe now.

Korsak intercepted Jane easily as the paramedics converged on Maura. He forced Jane back down to the floor as paramedics were quickly on her as well. "Vince, you have to talk to her. You have to. Let me talk to her. She says unconscious people can still process what they hear, so you have to be careful what you say. I need to tell her it's over now. I need to talk…'

Korsak's reluctantly backed away at the medics direction while Jane was bordering hysteria. She fought with the paramedics when they attempted to put the oxygen mask on. Korsak looked away as they quickly prepared a needle. They were going to sedate her. He knew it was for the best, Rizzoli was quickly losing it, but he knew she would hate him for allowing them to do that.

Maura was quickly loaded onto a stretcher and wheeled out past Jane who was losing her battle against unconsciousness. Frost had been wheeled out a minute earlier. Korsak watched as they loaded a now unconscious Rizzoli onto a stretcher as well. He looked around the room somberly wondering how anyone managed to survive at all. Frost had the presence of mind to lean on his radio, allowing Korsak to hear all that was going on.

Korsak watched as Jane's ghost was covered, loaded and removed from the room. He got a look at Bradley as they covered, loaded and prepared to remove him as well. He remembered him, now that it was revealed from where. He made his way out into the midday sun, listening as the sirens blared as each ambulance made it's way toward the hospital. It was finally over. Frankie, Maura, Frost, all hanging onto life by a thread. Jane shot again, beaten, and forced to witness her family and friends go down in front of her. He was worried about her and how she would cope. He doubted she'd go on at all if she lost any of them.

Korsak put the siren in the window of his car and fell in behind the last ambulance as it raced off towards the hospital.


	9. Chapter 9

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 9

I don't own R&I.

The silence that consumed the detectives from the Boston Homicide Division as they waited for word was agonizing at best. Maura and Frost were rushed into surgery immediately upon arrival. It was determined a short time after that Jane would also need surgery to remove the bullet from her shoulder. Korsak sat off to the side lost in his own thoughts, waiting.

He glanced up briefly when Jane's mother took a seat silently next to him. She knew how Vince was with her daughter. They had been partners for a long time before she was recently reassigned to Barry Frost.

"The press is a mess downstairs." Korsak could read the worry in her eyes.

"I figured. This is a mess. How's Frankie?" Korsak still struggled to get his head around all that had happened since last night when Jane called him.

"He's going to be alright. He's a strong boy, my Frankie."

Korsak smiled, but only briefly. His mind kept pulling up the image of an injured Maura and the fear in Jane's eyes when she realized that despite her best efforts Maura had been shot. Jane had been severely injured as well, but nothing hurt her more than seeing her friend, unconscious.

It was late afternoon before Jane was settled into a private room following her surgery. Korsak made his way in despite her orders for no visitors. His heart broke just a little when he saw her, face badly bruised, arm in a tight sling. Jane's eyes were focused on nothing on the far wall while a nurse tended to her I.V. pole. She spoke but didn't bother to look at her former partner as he entered.

"Not now, Vince." Jane mumbled keeping her eyes trained away from him.

Korsak ignored her as he made his way to her bedside. "Frankie's doing good, just thought you'd want to know."

Jane slowly pulled her eyes to meet his. She had wanted to know and Korsak saw at least a small expression of relief. Korsak watched as Jane struggled with her emotions. "You know, none of this is your fault."

Jane's expression changed to anger as she stared him down. "Don't patronize me. All of this had to do with me. He shot my partner, almost killed my brother, and Maura?" Jane's voice cracked as she spoke.

"Maura doesn't blame you. You know she would never blame you for any of this." Korsak waited until he knew Jane had heard his words. "Frost will be okay as well. He and Frankie know the risks that come with being on the force."

"What about Maura?" Jane was relieved to hear about her partner, but she still didn't know about Maura.

"Still in surgery." Korsak knew better than to sugarcoat Maura's condition.

Jane closed her eyes wishing it all away. "I can't believe I couldn't figure out who was behind this sooner. Maybe…"

"It wouldn't have mattered, Jane. He was determined to make you suffer and was always one step ahead of us." Korsak reached for her hand.

"Vince, please go find out more about Maura. She has to make it…she just has to." Jane didn't bother to hide the tears.

Korsak headed out of Jane's room at her direction. He knew how close Jane and Maura had become. He watched Jane struggle to keep it together all night and all morning until they found her. He could only imagine the horror that played out in the small train station room. He would get some answers for her, hopefully they would be the answers they wanted.

Jane lied still in the uncomfortable hospital bed. Her mind was in constant motion as she relived the whole ordeal with Bradley and Benjamin. It had been years since she had first met them, she hadn't been on the force but a few years. She and Korsak had been first on scene to the robbery in progress at a local bank downtown. Bradley's mother was inside the bank where she was being held hostage along with about twelve other customers and employees.

Jane closed her eyes against the pain that was shooting down her left arm. Her mind jumped to last night, before she received Maura's frantic call. She felt her heart begin to race as she thought about Bradley and how she let herself fall for him. She should've known he was involved. She should've suspected something.

Benjamin had pleaded with Jane to get his wife out and she had assured him they would. Her actions were by the book. Korsak was the senior officer and he made sure their every move was coordinated with the hostage response team. Jane had contact with the suspect from the moment they arrived on scene and was the only one from there on out he would talk to. She was directed on what to say and how to say it by the head negotiator. She remembered strapping the bullet proof vest on when Bradley stood before her. He begged her to get his mother out.

Jane felt the tears as they escaped from her closed eyes. She replayed Maura's phone call and how she ignored it at first. She tried to block out the fear she heard in her best friend's voice, but it was useless. She let her mind take her to the minutes just before the phone rang. She cursed herself for letting Bradley completely consume her. The image of him hovering over her was instantly followed by the image of him with his gun to Maura's head. Jane shuddered as her mind insisted on torturing her. She jumped when she thought about firing at Bradley; watching him fall instantly.

Jane felt every muscle in her body ache as she tried to slow her breathing. She wondered what was taking Korsak so long to get back to her. She knew it couldn't be good if there still wasn't any word on Maura's condition. Her mind traveled back to the bank and the way Bradley stared at her. He was in his early twenties and Jane remembered thinking how different he was from his father, despite the striking physical similarities. He pleaded with her to get his mother out safely and Jane recalled how she promised him she would do her best. She had never been thrust into a situation like this in her short career and now knew she probably had no right to make such a promise.

She was instructed to enter the bank unarmed, keeping everyone else back. The suspect wanted a police officer in exchange for the twelve hostages. He preferred a woman officer, figuring his demands would be met faster if it were one of the own they were bargaining for. Jane was inexperienced in hostage negotiations and pleaded with the suspect to choose another officer. He refused, insisting Jane be the one to enter the bank.

Jane remembered opening the door and quickly entering the bank. She saw the hostages as they were lined up in a seated position against the wall. She remembered making eye contact with who she figured was Bradley's mother instantly. Her terrified look was no different than any of the other hostages and mirrored her own feeling as she continued on into the bank at the suspect's direction.

Jane could feel her pulse begin to race again as her memory insisted on it's torture tactics. The suspect approached her and slowly began to circle her demanding her hands stay raised above her head. He was looking for any hidden weapons. Jane watched as the suspect's eyes looked over her shoulder and his face reddened. He quickly turned firing continuously at the hostages before turning his gun on Jane. He was shot and killed by a sniper shot before he could get the shot off. It took a few moments before Jane could make her legs carry her over to the hostages. She immediately went to Bradley's mother and checked for a pulse. He had shot her and three other hostages dead. Four others were wounded severely.

Jane made herself abandon that terrible day. She remembered Bradley crying silently when she was finally brought out of the bank. She remembered Benjamin and how he hollered and cursed at Jane out of anger. Jane knew a mistake had been made. It was a costly mistake taking the lives of three hostages, including Bradley's mother and Benjamin's wife.

Jane was startled by the light knocking just before Korsak entered. She tried to read the guarded look on her long time partner's face. "Vince, tell me she's okay." Jane's voice was foreign, even to her.

"She's out of surgery, but is still very critical." Korsak made his way over to her bedside. "Jane, she lost a lot of blood and the doctors say she'll be touch and go for the next few hours."

"I have to see her." Jane tried to sit up but was stopped by the instant burning throughout her chest.

"You can't. Not yet." Korsak helped her lie back down. "Jane you're not in such good shape yourself."

Jane pounded her fist on the bed next to her legs. "I'm not hurt. Not compared to Maura. Please help me, Vince. I really need to see her."

Korsak watched as Jane struggled to hide her pain from him. "Jane, I will let you know as soon as she's awake. Just try to relax."

Jane watched as Korsak left her room once again. She could see the sun setting from her window and prayed Maura would survive. Jane had never had a friend like Maura. She never felt as close to another woman as she did Maura. Maura understood and accepted Jane despite her many different moods. Jane felt her head begin to throb and instinctively try to reach it with her left hand. She felt the pain warm her whole body at the attempted movement. She hit the button with her right hand, allowing her to give herself a dose of morphine. It wasn't long before her concern for Maura was soon replaced with the sinking, spinning sensation that she hoped would help alleviate the pain. Even as she let the darkness consume her, she knew nothing would heal the pain if Maura didn't pull through.


	10. Chapter 10

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 10

I don't own R & I.

Jane wasn't sure what time it was when she awoke, but her mother was sleeping quietly in the chair next to her bed. She considered waking her, hoping for some news on Maura, but didn't want to wake her mother. She looked exhausted as she was sure Angela was spent worrying about two of her children.

Jane gave it a few more minutes, but realized she was losing her battle with control. She had to know something about Maura, Frost, Frankie. She couldn't help but feel she was being kept in the dark.

"Ma." Jane didn't want to startle her mother so she kept her voice low and even. Jane smiled when Angela shifted but didn't wake. "Ma!" She increases the volume.

Angela jumped up, moving quickly to Jane's side. "Are you okay? What do you need?"

Jane smiled at her mother assuring her she would be okay. "I'm fine, Ma. What about Frankie?"

"He's going to be okay. You know Frankie, strong boy." Angela's smile didn't reach her eyes and this didn't go unnoticed by Jane.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Jane tried to push herself up into a sitting position and finally succeeded despite the pain she felt everywhere.

"Maura's in bad shape, Jane. Still not awake from surgery." Angela watched as Jane's whole body slumped at the news. "Doctor's can't even say if she'll make it. They say we have to wait."

"Ma, I have to go to her. I have to." Jane fought the tears that were forming, trying to remain strong.

"You can't Jane. You're hurt and weak. You can't help her right now, only she can." Angela knew Jane was ignoring her. She watched her daughter remove her own I.V.

"Where's my clothes, Ma?" Angela was already reaching for the bag as she knew she wouldn't be able to talk her daughter out of going to see Maura. She pulled the t-shirt from the bag, answering Jane's unasked question.

"Your shirt had too much blood on it. I'll never be able to get it all out, so I just got this for you from down in the gift shop." Angela held up the red Boston Red Sox shirt.

"Pants?" Jane reached for the shirt.

"There some blood on them too, but not too much." Angela answered.

"Where are they?" Jane tried not to get frustrated with her mother.

Angela handed them to Jane. "Let me help you."

"I got it, Ma." Jane blew out a long breath seeing the defeat in her mother's face. "Sorry, I'm just worried about Maura. Jane quickly realized she would need help getting the gown off and her shirt on. She looked to her mother who was waiting patiently for the injured detective to figure out she was not exactly capable of the basics just yet.

"Oh my God!" Angela exclaimed as the gown exposed Jane's upper body. There were bruises up and down Jane's sides and of course all around where she was shot.

"It's not that bad, I promise." Jane worked as quickly as she could to pull the t-shirt on. Her jeans were a bit easier as she was on her feet in no time. Angela helped her with her shoes and offered to get a wheelchair for her. Jane gave her the look and she slowly moved out of the way, so she could exit her hospital room.

"What if the doctor comes?" Angela knew Jane didn't really care.

"Tell him I checked out AMA." Jane was off towards ICU, determined to see her friend.

The incessant beeping of the heart monitors was enough to put anybody on edge. Jane felt herself scared to death when she entered Maura's darkened room. She surprisingly was met with little resistance from the ICU staff when she announced she needed in to see Maura. Jane barely recognized her own pain as she stared at her friend from a distance. Maura was innocent in all this. She didn't even know why she was abducted or held. She didn't even know Jane was seeing Bradley, or Drayson in Maura's case.

Jane made her way over to Maura, gently stroking the back of her hand with her fingers. "I'm sorry, Maura." The tears fell freely as Jane was powerless to stop them. "I tried, I swear I tried so hard."

Jane watched as there was little movement from Maura, the slight rise and fall of her chest. She gently touched her face just under the bruises Bradley inflicted on her. Jane found herself retracing the final shootout in the train room. Everything happened so fast that she couldn't be sure how and by who Maura was shot. She knew it wasn't her as Benjamin had stripped her of her weapon. The thought was no consolation as Maura's life was hanging in the balance nonetheless. Jane wiped at her tears as she began to speak to her friend. She stopped and started a few times, trying to control her voice as tears insisted on clouding it.

"You would say we couldn't be sure whether or not unconscious people could hear, so here goes. I hope you can hear me, Maura." Jane wiped at her tears again as she worked to compose herself. "I'm sorry. You had no clue who Drayson was or why he took you. I didn't know until the very end. They were always one step ahead of us."

Jane's attention was pulled from Maura to the monitor as she watched it fluctuate from it's somewhat steady rhythm. She wasn't sure if this was good or not, so she waited a bit before continuing. "It was a case I worked early on. I was not a rookie, but only a few years in. First on scene kinda thing. Bradley's mother was a hostage in a bank robbery downtown and I didn't get her out like I had promised."

Jane watched the monitor some more before redirecting her attention back to Maura. She held her hand in her own as she continued. "Bradley was young, twenty or so, his father was angry. I don't blame him. It was a swat communication error that cost us four hostages and the suspect. I was the one who promised to get Benjamin's wife out. I went in unarmed as the suspect demanded, and was nearly shot myself if not for one of our snipers. But not before he had shot the hostages, including Benjamin's wife."

Jane stared at Maura's unconscious form as if she could will her to wake. "Korsak was there, but even he couldn't figure out who was behind all this until the end. I'm so sorry they involved you. They wanted revenge on me and they got it. Please forgive me, Maura." Jane's voice cracked as she begged her friend to forgive her, to live, to respond. Nothing.

Jane slowly lowered herself down into the chair next to Maura's bed. She cried quietly while Maura fought. It wasn't long before Jane could feel herself nodding off. She slouched down in the chair, propping her feet up on the end of Maura's bed. She prayed the nurse's wouldn't make her leave, at least not until Maura woke up. She knew she couldn't help Maura fight this fight, but she would gladly have taken her place if it meant Benjamin wouldn't have gotten the ultimate revenge on her.

Maura opened her eyes slowly, trying to take in her surroundings. It hurt to breath causing her to hold her breath until she couldn't any longer. She glanced to her right seeing Jane sound asleep in the chair next to her bed. Maura lied perfectly still trying to recall how she ended up here. Slowly her memory filled her in and she verified it by glancing back at Jane. Her arm was heavily wrapped and in a sling. The bruises on her face made Maura look away as they were a dangerous purple color. Benjamin had hurt her bad just before the gunfire broke out. Yet she was here, waiting on Maura to come to.

Maura cautiously moved each limb assessing her own condition. She knew she had been shot in the chest, she knew this because it hurt to breathe. She turned back to Jane and tried to call out. She was disheartened when Jane didn't respond to her weakened voice. She noticed Jane's legs weren't fall from her outstretched arm, so she reached to touch her hoping it would be enough to wake her.

"Jane." Maura called out just as she grabbed her friend's calf.

Jane moved quickly causing her to cry out from the pain in her shoulder. She instantly forgot her pain when she saw Maura awake. Jane vacated the chair and carefully sat on the bed by Maura. "Thank God, Maura." Jane didn't try to hide her tears from her closest friend.

"You know you'll catch hell for sleeping in that chair like that." Maura tried to smile but found it nearly impossible.

"Do you want me to get the nurse, or doctor for you?" Jane leaned in close so Maura wouldn't have to put out too much energy to talk.

"Yeah, but wait." Maura grabbed Jane's sleeve. It was very obvious to Jane just how weak Maura was as her grip wasn't enough to hold the thin fabric. Jane stayed in close giving Maura whatever time she needed.

"It's not your fault…Jane." Maura's breathing was forced and this worried Jane. She wanted to get the doctor, but didn't want to leave Maura. "Thank you, you saved me."

Jane stared at Maura as she stared back. She couldn't believe Maura looked at the whole ordeal the way she did. It was Jane's fault. It was all about getting revenge on her and Maura was caught in the middle.

"Maura, I didn't. You were hurt…. I can't…I should've…"

Maura raised her hand up to Jane's face, placing her finger on her lips to silence her. "You did all you could do, I know that. We're not dead, we won, right?"

"Nobody won, Maura. But it's over." Jane held her hand after removing it from her face.

"What about….about Frankie? Detec…Frost?" Jane watched Maura struggle and really wanted to go get help.

"They'll both be okay. So, yeah Maura, we won." Jane smiled a real smile for the first time in two days.

Maura grabbed Jane's sleeve again as she began to stand. Jane leaned in close again. "Drayson didn't hurt me, not too much. He didn't want to hurt you either. His father forced him it seemed."

Jane stared at Maura fighting the guilt that suddenly engulfed her. She recalled ignoring her phone because she was making love to Bradley, or Drayson, not knowing he was involved in hurting her in such a way she had to wonder if she would ever fully recover. It was obvious her recovery depended on Maura's.


	11. Chapter 11

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 11

I don't own R & I.

Jane watched from the hallway outside Maura's room as her doctor along with a few nurses tended to a now conscious Maura. Korsak came up behind Jane, startling her slightly when his hand grazed her back.

"Funny how I knew just where to find you when I realized you escaped your own room." Korsak watched intently as the nurses changed out I.V. bags.

Jane smiled weakly at him, never taking her focus off Maura. "Vince, I never did find out what was bothering Maura when she left work yesterday, or whatever day it was. I don't even know what day it is now." Jane shook her head accepting that this whirlwind case was completely over.

"Yeah, she was in a mood. Do you think she knew something? She would've told you if she had been threatened." Korsak turned to look at Jane instantly concerned. "Maybe we should go sit down somewhere, you don't look too good."

"She would've told me…unless…she couldn't. Maybe Bradley or Benjamin had already threatened her." Jane ignored Korsak's suggestion, instead focusing on Maura's behavior prior to her abduction.

"We'll get to the bottom of it all later, can't we just accept it's over?" Korsak watched as Jane's balance wavered. "Come on, let's sit."

Jane agreed as she began to feel dizzy. Sweat began to form on her face as she struggled with her breathing. "Vince, what's going on? I can't…I feel…"

Korsak caught her as she fell against him. He hollered for help summoning a couple young doctors who were close by. The doctors immediately assessed her condition realizing she was suffering from a slight concussion not to mention just being out of surgery herself. They arranged to have her returned to her room with stict orders to remain in the bed until she was strong enough to be released.

Jane was angry, frustrated and still worried about Maura. She listened to the voices outside her room wondering when somebody would come in and let her know if her partner, brother or best friend's conditions had changed. Finally she saw her door open and her doctor entered. He had strong warning words for the strong detective. Jane knew she wasn't well, her shaking told her not argue with the doctor.

Korsak entered just as soon as the doctor left. He slapped the handcuffs around the bedrail holding the other one in his hand. "Do I need to use these?"

Jane pulled her one available hand away from the rail. "No." she felt like she was pouting like a child and Korsak didn't fail to mention that very same thing to her.

Jane watched as Korsak pulled up a chair next to his former partner's beside. She knew he had something on his mind and was struggling with how to start. "What is it?"

"I'm surprised you didn't recognize Bradley from the bank incident. Especially if…"

"Don't go there." Jane's demeanor instantly changed with Korsak's line of questioning. "He was so young then and it was quite a few years ago."

"Are you sure he wasn't involved in Maura's actual abduction?" Korsak was navigating his way through his thoughts and it forced Jane to stay with him.

"I'm not sure about anything right now." Jane took a deep breath before closing her eyes. "Bradley was with me…in the bed…when I got the phone call. Maura's phone call."

"So you were in a serious relationship with him and still didn't recognize him?" Korsak wasn't trying to, but he was making Jane feel even worse than she already did.

"It wasn't a serious relationship. We had only been dating a month or so, only slept… no, I didn't recognize him okay!" Jane was more angry at herself for not having the slightest bit of recognition that Bradley was the kid at the bank she had made such an important promise to.

"So, what was his reasoning? You know, to get close? Doesn't make sense." Korsak watched Jane as she was becoming impatient with his line of questioning.

"Is there a point here you're trying to make? Because if there is, I'm not following at all." Jane was now just plain angry.

"Think about it, Jane. There had to be a reason." Korsak watched his former partner as she watched him slowly leave the room.

"Vince, tell Maura I'm sorry." Jane wanted nothing more than to be with Maura right now.

Korsak smiled at Jane. "What makes you think that's where I was going?"

"Don't question her, not now. I just need to know she's going to be okay." Jane had a protective quality in her voice that didn't go unnoticed by Korsak.

"Jane, this is not your fault." Korsak watched as she obviously didn't agree with his words. "You know Maura would never think that."

Jane's watched her door close, leaving her alone with her thoughts. She didn't want to think about her time with Bradley. She didn't want to believe she allowed somebody in and this is the result. Her mind refused to leave Korsak's line of questioning alone. Jane was growing more and more frustrated as she forced herself to think back to her short relationship with Bradley. He seemed so perfect for what she needed at the time.

Maura was awake when Korsak entered. She forced a smile, but it was quickly replaced with an obvious expression of pain. "Where's Jane?"

"In her room downstairs. Passed out right out in the hall." Korsak made his way over to Maura's side.

"She looked terrible." Maura's voice was just barely more than a whisper.

"I won't tell her you said that. She's already mad enough I threatened to cuff her to the bed." Korsak smiled when Maura did.

"Vince?" Maura waited until Korsak moved in closer. "Was Jane dating Drayson?"

Korsak was confused at the name and what exactly Maura knew. Jane said nobody knew she was seeing anybody. "Bradley?" Maura closed her eyes after nodding. She kept them closed for a long couple of seconds making Korsak nervous.

"How about I leave, let you rest. You don't look so good yourself ." Korsak felt Maura grab his hand as he began to pull away.

Maura slowly opened her eyes. "What did they do to her? To Frankie?"

"She'll be okay. You know how Jane is. And I know she'll kill me if I didn't let you rest so you could get better." Korsak was sure there was something bothering Maura other than her near fatal gunshot wound to the chest.

"Maura, something was bothering you right before this all happened. Jane was worried about you?" Korsak knew Jane would be mad, but Maura needed answers as well it seemed. "What was going on?"

Maura's breathing became more labored as she looked directly into Vince's eyes. "He said he would kill her if I didn't go with him. He said he'd rape her and then kill her." Maura closed her eyes.

"Okay, easy. What about before that? You were upset at work." Korsak wondered how much of any of this made sense to Maura, especially now that she was in so much pain.

"Jane never mentioned she was seeing anyone." Maura talked without opening her eyes.

Korsak wondered what Maura was trying to tell him. "Nobody knew."

"I did. I overheard her conversation."

Finally things were adding up as far as Maura's mood. "Okay, maybe she just wasn't ready to tell anybody yet. She said herself it wasn't serious." Korsak knew how close Jane and Maura had gotten over the last few years, especially after Jane was near death herself last year.

Maura didn't answer, she didn't open her eyes. Korsak moved in even closer. "Maura, what is it?'

Maura opened her eyes slowly. "I don't feel good at all." Maura took as deep a breath as possible before continuing. "My chances are not good right now, I know that. Too much blood loss too fast."

Korsak instantly grew nervous. "Should I call the doctor? What do you need, Doc? Tell me."

"I need you to tell Jane that I'm sorry about Drayson. She didn't deserve to be treated like that." Korsak watched as Maura kept her eyes on his. "I was angry that she didn't feel the same about me."

Korsak was thoroughly confused. "I don't understand, Maura. She did everything she could to find you, to save you. She was relentless."

"I know." Maura's voice was fading. "I knew she would."

"I don't understand?" Korsak noticed the monitor began to hum a little louder. He looked up when Maura's nurse rushed into the room.

Maura's grip tightened on Korsak's wrist demanding his attention back to her. "She doesn't love me. Not like I love her."

Korsak held Maura's gaze until her eyes closed again. He was gently pushed aside as another nurse entered and began tending to Maura.

Korsak was asked to leave as he watched the first nurse call a code over the intercom. He was quickly ignored as another nurse and a doctor rushed in. He listened to the steady sound of the heart monitor as it screamed that Maura's heart had stopped.


	12. Chapter 12

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 12

I don't own R & I.

"It's you or her, Detective." Jane could hear Benjamin's voice filling her head even as she slept. She could see Maura's face and she could feel her heart threatening to explode within her chest. Then the gunfire, so much gunfire. Jane felt Maura flinch underneath her body as the bullets rained into the tiny room. Then there was silence. Jane looked down at her best friend realizing her worst fear had come true. Maura had been shot and was bleeding out right there in her arms. Jane forced herself to place her fingers on Maura's neck to check for a pulse. She felt herself panic when she couldn't find one. She grabbed Maura's face with her hands, hoping the contact would help revive her. Jane forced herself to breathe, hoping her breath would be enough for the both of them. Jane stared at Maura praying she would open her eyes. It was quiet in the dark, hot train room. There was movement and commotion all around them, but there was no sound at all. Jane looked up from her friend searching for the origin of the low tone that broke the silence. Her hands stayed on Maura's face as she continued to look for the noise that was now growing louder. Jane had to let go of Maura to cover her ears. The loud noise sounded almost like a police siren. It was loud and caused Jane pain throughout her head. The pain traveled to her chest as she closed her eyes against it. It was so loud, so very loud. Then it was silent and that hurt her ears even more.

Jane's eyes shot open as she frantically looked for Maura. It took a few seconds for her to realize it was a dream, just a bad dream. Jane took a few minutes to slow her breathing, hoping it would help alleviate the pressure she felt in her chest. She raised her hand to the side of her face, flinching at the contact. It obviously wasn't all a dream. Jane's head throbbed, reminding her of just how real her memories were.

Jane knew she needed to stay in the bed. Her body warned her the whole time as she forced her legs over the side. Jane held her head trying to make it stop the spinning. She felt the sweat form on her face as her body refused to cooperate. Jane looked up as her nurse entered the room showing an immediate look of alarm at Jane.

"Ms. Rizzoli, you have to lie down. You're much to weak to be getting out of the bed."

"It's Detective…Rizzoli." Jane hissed as she decided against her original plan. "I need to see Maura."

"You need to rest. I see you're not looking well at all." Jane tried not to flinch as the nurse moved her hair back to insert the thermometer in her ear. "Your fever is even higher than last time, could be signaling infection."

"What I need is to see Maura." Jane wondered how much longer she would be able to battle the dizziness that was beginning to consume her vision.

"We'll let you know just as soon as Dr. Isles is out of surgery." The nurse changed out the bags on Jane's I.V. while speaking.

"She's been out of surgery. I've already been to see her once, but she wasn't doing well." Jane didn't bother to open her eyes as she tried to contain her frustration.

Jane forced her eyes open and onto her nurse when there was no response. "What's wrong?"

"Doctor Isles had some complications after surgery." The nurse paused to call for assistance sensing Jane's panic. "She was rushed back into surgery."

"What complications?" Jane once again forced her legs over the side of the bed.

"Please, Detective. You have to stay in the bed." The nurse immediately looked up when the door opened causing Jane to do the same. Jane's doctor and another intern were quickly making their way to Jane's bedside.

"What's going on? What's wrong with Maura?" Jane pleaded with her doctor to tell her Maura was going to be okay.

"There were some complications. The bleeding within her chest had resumed…her heart couldn't handle the stress." Jane stared at the doctor in disbelief as he spoke.

"She's dead?" Jane's voice was barely audible as she felt her own heart begin to attack her body.

"No, no she's in surgery right now." The doctor nodded to the nurse before she added another bag to Jane's I.V. pole.

Jane felt the tears form and then fall as she fought against her recent dream. It wasn't a dream at all. She somehow knew that Maura had taken a turn for the worse. "Please, I have to go to her. I need to see her, to talk to her. She'll listen to me, she'll hear me. She needs me." Jane pleaded with her doctor.

"Ms. Rizzoli, you just have to wait. That's all we can do right now." Jane's doctor rubbed her arm, causing Jane to jerk away from him, frustrated.

Jane could feel her whole body grow weak. Her eyes refused to stay open causing her to fight against the anger of the whole situation. "It's Detective." Jane's slurred, mumbled speech satisfied her doctor as he knew she would be out for hours. He needed for Jane to rest so he could make sure her head injury didn't worsen.

Korsak was escorted out of Maura's room without a fight. He stood alone in the hallway, unable to move. Unable to comprehend what he just heard, what he just saw. He was once again, led out of the way as Maura was rushed from the room. He grabbed a nurse as she scampered around him.

"We're taking her back into surgery, Detective." Korsak nodded as the nurse was instantly gone. He made his way over to the waiting room where he collapsed into a waiting chair. He wasn't sure if it was a comfortable chair or not as he cursed himself for letting his thoughts be of a chair. His former partner was badly injured, her partner suffering from a serious gunshot wound. And the chief medical examiner was in the fight of her life; just so happened to be the fight for her life.

Korsak could feel the exhaustion that threatened his body as he struggled with all that the last two days had brought on. Maura loved Jane. That is what she said. He could've misunderstood her, he was known for that kind of thing. He knew they were close, but Jane was heterosexual. He knew that and he just assumed so was Maura. Korsak knew he wasn't as young as his colleagues, but he had to wonder if he was just not understanding the dynamics that defined relationships nowadays.

Korsak was lost in his thoughts. He thought about how rattled and upside down Jane was throughout this whole case. She struggled the whole time to keep it together, nearly losing it every time Maura was threatened. His heart broke for Jane when he witnessed her reaction to finding her brother. As bad as that was, it was worse when she realized Maura had been shot. He was truly worried that Jane would die herself if Maura didn't make it. Now, now Maura's condition was doubtful again and Korsak dreaded telling Jane.

Korsak was so consumed with his thoughts, he didn't feel Angela take the chair next to him. "You okay, Vince?"

Korsak could hear Jane's voice within her mother's. It was obvious where his partner's unique tone originated from. "Maura's been rushed back to surgery. Her heart stopped."

Angela simply nodded, already knowing. "I asked if you were okay?"

Vince simply stared ahead. "Jane still in her room?"

"They put her out again." The stress of worrying was obvious in Angela's tone.

"Tried to escape again, huh?" Korsak tried to lighten the mood a bit.

"No, her doctor told her about Maura." Angela took a deep breath. "And of course, she insisted on seeing her."

Korsak didn't respond immediately causing Angela to look his way. "What is it, Vince?"

"I'm not sure. I think Maura confided in me about something, but I could be way wrong."

"Well, what was it?" Angela was on edge and didn't care that it showed.

"Jane and Maura are close friends. Jane almost lost it several times trying to find her." Korsak hated that he was about to betray Maura. She didn't exactly tell him not to say anything. Hell, he didn't even know if she knew what she was saying.

Angela waited while Korsak sorted through his thoughts. "Do you think it's more than that? More than just close friends?"

Angela looked confused, but only for a brief few seconds. "I don't know. This was a pretty scary ordeal for them both."

Korsak was satisfied with Angela's explanation, but he couldn't help but shake the feeling he got when he recalled the look on Maura's face when she told him how she loved Jane. He was older, he wasn't as in tune with how loved worked anymore. He knew if there was something between Jane and Maura, it was definitely more than just physical. They were both beautiful women, but it was obvious these two women cared deeply for one another.

"Come on, Detective. Maura's going to be awhile and Jane will be sleeping for a while. Let's go see Frankie and Barry. Korsak pulled himself to his feet and followed Jane's mother. He studied her expression carefully as they walked.

"You know something, don't you?" Vince gently took hold of Angela's arm, stopping her.

"I just want my babies happy. Jane hasn't found that yet. Maybe now we know why?"

Korsak thought about Bradley and the other beaus Jane has had over the time he has known her. He was worried now. What if Jane didn't feel the same way for Maura. Maura seemed to think that she didn't. Maybe he was just blowing this way out of context. Maura was in so much pain, and had been through such a harrowing ordeal. She was so worried about Jane's condition despite her own being so bad.

Angela and Vince stepped to the side to allow the doctors by that were heading towards the O.R. Angela looked up at Vince instantly reading his expression. "Maura's a very strong woman, she'll make it."

Korsak nodded. "And Jane?" Korsak knew it didn't matter how strong Jane was. If Maura died, Jane wouldn't make it.

"Jane's a Rizzoli." Angela threaded her arm though Vince's. "Apparently Rizzolis are invincible."

Korsak knew that's the way it looked, but he knew better. He knew Angela knew better as well. Korsak forced the image of Jane struggling in the train room to get to Maura. He wasn't convinced that Jane's heart would survive this, even if her body did.


	13. Chapter 13

Cold /Summer Heat Chapter 13

I don't own R & I.

Maura had been in the recovery room for the better part of two hours before beginning to stir. She pried her eyes open only to immediately clamp them shut. Although the lighting was kept dim, it was entirely too bright for Maura to focus. Her extremities felt as if they were weighed down when she attempted to move anything. Maura knew she was in bad shape, she knew this before her sudden surgery. Her chest was too heavy, her breathing too difficult.

The steady quiet commotion from the recovery room nurses was actually soothing as Maura listened to them discuss weekend plans. Maura found herself thinking about the weekend herself. She wondered exactly what day it was as she had somehow lost track of the days and nights. They seemed to run together and after a few seconds of deliberation, Maura decided it didn't much matter.

She felt the nurse's soft hands on her wrist as she checked her pulse. She endured the typical, routine of having her vitals monitored. She refused to open her eyes for fear she would have to converse or communicate. She wanted to be left alone. Alone with her thoughts, feelings, fears.

Maura thought about Jane and the hell Benjamin put her through; for revenge. If she knew Jane, she was cursing herself for not handling things better. She was probably blaming herself; feeling as if she were the cause. Maura wished she could see Jane, just for a minute. Just to tell her it wasn't her fault and that she wasn't angry or upset with her. Maura wished she could tell Jane how she felt about her.

Maura kept her eyes closed because she was scared. Scared of feeling, scared of failing, scared of dying. She was so scared as she watched Benjamin torture Jane. Hearing her friend cry out in pain, broke off pieces of her heart. Maura remembered grasping the gun tighter wondering how Jane knew when was the right time to shoot. What if she had taken the shot and missed? What if she had hit Jane instead? Instead she shook like a little girl wondering if any of them would make it out alive.

"Dr. Isles?" Maura realized she had opened her eyes, despite not seeing anything. Her nurse was instantly ready to access her condition before calling the doctor in. It was all Maura could do to nod as her body and mind were so extremely exhausted.

"You gave everybody quite a scare." Maura watched the young nurse as she methodically tended to her patient. The nurse seemed younger than she should be to be in such an important ward, but was definitely competent in her duties.

"So tired." Maura mumbled as she tried to keep her eyes open.

"That's to be expected. You're doing well so far." Maura was thankful for the encouraging words, but couldn't help but recognize the panic that was setting in. She was too tired to even try to stay awake. When her eyes closed, Maura left them closed and let the quiet noise around her disappear.

Jane wished she could relax after getting updates on the condition of her brother and her partner. Both were in stable condition, both were improving. Jane was anxious to talk to Frost. They hadn't been partnered that long, but seemed to connect well. Frost was young, but he showed the confidence and poise of a senior detective on this case. Jane just hated that he was injured so severely.

Korsak knocked quietly before entering Jane's room. He was pleased to see her awake and alert, but the fearful look on her face dug into him nonetheless. He knew Jane was watching him carefully, hoping to pick up on something as to Maura's condition.

"What, no bombardment of questions?" Korsak made his way to the chair that seemed to be waiting for him.

Jane stared her former partner down as she swallowed hard before speaking. "I figured you would've already said if she was stable." Jane tried to keep the fear from her voice, but could hear it herself as she spoke.

Korsak blew out a long breath as he let his eyes meet Jane's. "She's in really bad shape, Jane. She made it through a second surgery though and they're watching her closely."

Vince let his eyes drop to his hands as he struggled with what to say, how much to say, or if he should say anything at all. It wasn't his place to announce to Jane what Maura had confessed, but he believed Maura needed something to fight for. Jane needed to know how Maura felt about her, but what if Maura never got the chance to tell her.

"Hey? Where'd you go…just now?" Jane's voice pulled Korsak's attention back to her face. He cringed as he took in the damage Benjamin had caused. He noticed Jane turned her head slightly as she looked at him. Her eye was pretty swollen and he wondered if she was having trouble seeing.

"I talked to Maura a little before…I asked her about her mood the day before she was taken." Korsak held his breath as he braced for what he knew was coming. And he was right.

"I told you not to. That could've waited." Jane leaned back against her pillow. "And?'

Korsak began to sweat. He really was out of line here. This was not his business to tell and he wished Maura wouldn't have trusted him. She probably didn't even realize what she was saying. Maybe she doesn't even truly feel that way. "She cares about you, Jane. She was worried about your safety."

Jane looked at Korsak and slowly began nodding her head. "No, what was said, Vince? Was she contacted by Bradley, threatened by Benjamin, what?" It was clear to Korsak that Jane was totally in the dark as to Maura's feelings for her.

Korsak wiped his forehead before answering her. "She overheard your conversation with Bradley. She knew about your relationship despite your attempts to keep it secret."

"It wasn't like that. I just wasn't ready to tell anybody. Besides, it's not like it was some big deal or anything." Jane was confused and it was obvious to Korsack.

"Jane, you were sleeping with him. I'd say it was a big deal. And if it wasn't, it is now." Korsak suddenly felt protective of Maura even though Jane had no clue as to why he was getting upset.

Jane lowered her voice. "I only slept with him once and it's not like I knew who he was and what he was involved in. I shot the son of a bitch. Killed him. And I'd do it again if it meant Maura would be safe." Jane was angry. Her lack of energy kept her mellow as she traded comments with Korsak wishing she could figure out where he was going with all of this.

Jane stared straight ahead at nothing in particular. Korsak could see the wheels turning and rested his back against the chair. "I've been trying to figure out Bradley's angle on this. He knew who I was all along, he wasn't interested in me sexually, romantically."

"No doubt he was." Korsak earned a dirty look from Jane for his comment, but she continued anyhow.

"He had to get us apart. Maura and I have been spending a lot of time together lately; must be he knew that." Jane looked at Korsak, this time for affirmation. "Maura must've been threatened in some way and couldn't say anything to me."

"Maybe." Korsak chimed in his two cents. "Does it really matter now. Besides, I told you she was upset because she overheard your conversation with Bradley."

"Because I didn't tell her? She's done the same thing to me with men. No, she was threatened. I just wish she trusted me enough to tell me what was going on." Jane was looking more and more exhausted as the conversation dragged on.

Korsak sat up straight in the chair causing Jane to pick up on the uneasiness. "Jane, how much to do you care about Maura?" Korsak had known Jane a long time and he felt he had earned a right to go at it from this angle.

"What? Why would you ask me that? Didn't I prove how much I care about her?" Jane was getting angry and it was causing her headache to return. Jane focused on Korsak's expression.

"What do you know, Vince? They don't think she's going to make it, do they?" Jane's voice once again went low.

"Don't know, but she needs something to fight for. You know, a reason to hang on." Korsak knew Jane was usually intuitive enough to pick up on his clues and was trying to be patient as she was failing miserably at it now.

"Maura's my best friend. I care an awful lot about her." Jane waited to see if she answered the question correctly, she was feeling lost and was quickly growing agitated.

"Do you love her, Jane?" Korsak silently cursed himself, but it was too late now.

"What? Yeah. Yeah, I love her." Jane closed her eyes, bringing her good hand up to rub her temple. "She's going to be okay, right? I mean she has to be. She's so innocent in this whole thing."

"Jane, what if she doesn't pull through? Have you thought about what you'd miss?" Vince knew he hit a nerve now.

"That's all I've been thinking about since I got that call. How could you even ask me that?" Jane was angry now and didn't care to even try to hide it.

"Maybe whether or not Maura pulls through depends on you. She needs you, Jane."

"I know. I want to be with her, but I've been all but cuffed to the bed." Jane was beyond frustrated now.

Korsak stood causing Jane to follow him with her eyes. He took her hand in his and waited until she returned her gaze to his face. "If you feel the same way about her as she feels about you, then you have to tell her. She needs you, more than I think you're realizing."

Korsak watched as Jane processed his words. The silence was deafening as Jane struggled with what Korsak was insinuating. "What are you saying? Just tell me already." Korsak had never seen fear like this on his partner's face before.

"It's not my place to say." Korsak was growing frustrated himself.

"Are you kidding me?" Jane grabbed Vince's arm as he tried to pull away from her. "What the hell are you trying to tell me? Are you trying to say Maura loves me? Like, she's in love with me? That's ridiculous."

Jane slammed her head back against her pillow closing her eyes. She waited until Vince didn't respond before she couldn't help but look up at him. "It's crazy. We both…we all have gone through a pretty insane couple of days. She was scared for her, for me, Frost, Frankie. We're close, yeah, but…"

Korsak let Jane play through her emotions. "Vince, she's my best friend. She's the only person that really understands me and what I do. She's just confused…and probably still scared to death right now."

"Yeah, I'm sure she's scared to death." Korsak made his way to the door, chancing a glance back at Jane. Her eyes pleaded with him for help. He would always do anything he could to help Jane Rizzoli, but this was something he couldn't begin to assist her with. "My guess is…so are you."


	14. Chapter 14

Cold Summer Heat chapter 14

I don't own R & I.

Jane was angry, frustrated, and scared. She could feel her heart as it beat erratically. She had seen Maura, she was in no condition to confess something like that to Korsak. Jane managed to convince herself that Maura was just out of it and couldn't possibly love her like Korsak was insinuating.

Jane had asked for no visitors as she needed the alone time. Her mind constantly replayed the scene with Bradley and Benjamin. She could feel the bullet as it entered her shoulder, she could feel the butt of Benjamin's gun as it slammed into her face. She could feel her breath escape her as she realized Maura had been shot as well. She could feel her heart stop when she realized how bad Maura was hurt.

Jane wiped the tears that formed with her thoughts. She forced herself to remember; to think back to when she caught on that Frost knew what was about to happen. How he managed to alert her. How quickly all hell broke loose and how quickly it all ended. She thought about Frankie being hurt, Frost being shot, and Maura. Maura's body flinching underneath her own as the gunfire exploded in the room.

Jane was exhausted; emotionally as well as physically. She cursed herself for allowing herself to be caught up with Bradley the way she was. The guilt was nearly disabling as she reminded herself how she had allowed him to consume her while his father was harming Maura. She was supposed to be a good detective with keen instincts. Instead she let her guard down and Maura, Frankie and Frost were paying for her mistake.

Jane paged the nurse and asked for more pain medication. She was okay with feeling the pain, she deserved it. She just wanted to escape it all. What if Maura didn't make it? Being forced to examine her feelings for her best friend was scary as hell and she was in no way strong enough to try. Jane hated that Maura was fighting for her life and that she was responsible for that. She wasn't sure exactly what Maura had confessed to Korsak, but Jane was no good for Maura either way.

Jane awoke a few hours later feeling even more spent than before she dozed off. She glanced at the clock realizing it was well past midnight. Her body was aching and her head throbbing, but she ignored the pain and focused on her chest. It was heavy and constricting as her thoughts were immediately on Maura. She needed to see her. She knew she would get an update if she asked, but it wouldn't be enough. Jane had to see her for herself. She had to be able to touch her, to talk to her.

It was hard, but Jane got dressed once again in preparation of leaving her room. She could only hope Korsak had gone home for the night as she remembered his threat to cuff her to her bed. Jane once again made it to the I.C.U. ward where she was greeted with the head nurse upon her arrival.

"Detective, you shouldn't be here. You need to rest so you can recover yourself." Jane could tell from the nurse's tone she was expecting her.

"I know, but I need to know how she is." Jane hated that she sounded so desperate.

"Dr. Isles has had a very rough couple of hours. She really is touch and go at this point." The nurse gently led Jane towards the window of Maura's room.

Jane's breath caught as soon as her eyes fell onto Maura. She was so pale and Jane found herself studying her chest just to see if it were moving at all; if Maura was even breathing. She barely felt the nurse's hand on her arm as she tried to gain her attention.

"I can only let you in for a few minutes, we are watching her very carefully." The nurse waited until Jane was ready before opening the door. "I think you should know she has only been awake a few minutes at a time, but each time she has asked if you were okay."

Jane could feel the tears well up at the nurse's words. "Detective? It may help her if she could hear your voice."

Jane only nodded that she was ready even though she was anything but. The nurse gently squeezed her good shoulder leaving her alone with Maura. Jane stared at Maura, scared to approach. She looked so fragile and Jane was scared. She realized instantly that she had never felt fear like she was feeling right now.

Jane let her hand close around Maura's as she took in her best friends features. She truly was a beautiful woman, that fact had never escaped Jane as their friendship had grown. "Hey, Maur."

Jane could feel the tears on her face as she tried to speak. She hoped Maura couldn't hear her right now, not with so much confusion in her voice. Jane used her good shoulder to wipe at her tears not wanting to let go of Maura's hand. "I'm so sorry. I…I tried so hard to keep you from getting hurt. I couldn't protect you."

Jane was openly crying now, not caring if Maura could hear her or not. "You have to hang on…for me. Please keep fighting, Maura. I need you. I need you more than you know." Jane watched carefully for any reaction and was disappointed when there was none. In a move that surprised herself, Jane moved in and placed a brief kiss on Maura's lips.

Jane let go of Maura's hand immediately and backed away from her bed. She had no right to touch her like that, to kiss her. Jane was even more confused now as she tried to understand why she felt such a pull towards Maura. Jane was now relieved that there was no response. She backed away until she was at the door and only then did she remove her eyes from her unconscious friend.

"Detective Rizzoli? Are you okay?" Jane looked towards the same nurse that had led her into Maura's room only minutes earlier.

"I…uh, I…don't tell her I was here, okay. I have to go." Jane headed towards the elevator, surprised as the nurse had caught up to her before the doors could open.

"Are you okay. You look very pale. Should I get you a wheelchair?" Jane didn't want a wheelchair. She didn't want any help at all. She just wanted to get out of there. Away from Maura. Away from everything that reminded her of why Maura was not responding to her. Maura was fighting to live and it was her fault.

"No, I have to go." Jane hurried into the elevator, feeling slightly relieved as the doors closed leaving her alone. Her breathing was elevated and her heart was pounding. She wished somebody could explain to her why she was feeling so unsettled right now. She wished she understood what made her kiss Maura.

Jane used the elevator walls to balance herself as her head began to swim. She thought she should probably return to her room, but decided against it. She had to get out of there, she had to leave the hospital.

Maura heard the nurse as she quietly moved around the room. She forced her eyes open, alerting her nurse that she was awake. "Dr. Isles. How are you feeling?"

Maura was afraid to speak. Her chest felt so heavy that trying to breathe was extremely painful. "Jane?"

"She was here, just a little bit ago. She's very worried about you."

"Please get her." Maura forced the words out. "Please."

"Talk to me, Dr." Maura's nurse instantly paged the doctor. "What's going on?"

"Can't…breathe…please get…Jane." Maura let her eyes close as she tried to limit her breathing.

Maura listened to the doctor enter finally. It seemed like it took forever. She felt the stethoscope against her chest but barely heard the orders he barked out to the nurse. She wished she could keep her eyes open. She wished she could've gotten them open before Jane left. She tried so hard to respond to Jane, but her body was refusing her.

Maura was unsure as to what was going on now. She knew the bullet had been removed from her chest and she knew the amount of blood she lost was a serious issue. What she didn't know was why her body wouldn't respond the way she wanted it to. She just wanted to squeeze Jane's hand when she felt her grasp her own hand. She heard Jane crying and that bothered her. Jane Rizzoli didn't cry. Then she felt Jane kiss her. Then she was gone.

Maybe Jane did feel the same way. Maura was right, Jane was dealing with an incredible amount of guilt.

Jane pushed her way out of the hospital and into the stifling night air. The humidity was so high, Jane found it difficult to take in a deep breath. She forced her legs to carry her away from the hospital where her best friend, partner and brother were all suffering from her mistakes. She could feel the sweat as it formed quickly on her body, the warm night air was oppressive causing Jane to slow her pace. Her mind drifted back to when she and Frost had first found Maura. The heat had taken it's toll on her as she was drenched in sweat. Jane had felt so relieved to finally be able to get to her after the hell Benjamin had made them both go through. Jane let her mind take her back to how good it felt to hold Maura in her arms once she was able to reach her.

Jane hadn't realized she had come to a complete stop just. She glanced back at the hospital that was nearly gone from her view before continuing on. She shivered violently, her body feeling cold despite the sweat she wiped from her forehead. This had been one of the worst summers in Boston history. Boston weather never bothered Jane either way, winter or summer. It was the cold, summer heat that would always cause Jane to question her instincts, her abilities and her resolve.


	15. Chapter 15

Cold Summer Heat chapter 15

I don't own R & I.

Jane was drenched in sweat by the time she made it to the park she often played in while growing up. She guessed it was approximately four in the morning by the time she lowered herself onto the familiar picnic table. She was exhausted and her head hurt bad. She had no business being out in the Boston night, but she had to find a way to stop her world from spinning out of control.

She had kissed Maura. The very thought confused her, she had never thought she would ever kiss another woman. She had never felt this way about anybody. Her fear of losing Frankie last year and now was very real, but so very different. Benjamin controlled her every move. He controlled her by threatening Maura and the fear of him hurting her nearly disabled Jane. She forced herself to physically continue in that bastard's cat and mouse game, hoping against hope she would get to Maura in time. And she did, but it didn't matter. He shot her despite Jane's attempts to protect her. It wasn't enough. She wasn't enough. She wasn't big enough, fast enough, sharp enough to protect Maura against her past. She wasn't good enough for Maura.

The night was still as not even a light breeze could be felt by the wounded detective. Jane wiped the sweat from her face as she tried to force the images of Maura from her mind. She succeeded only to have her brother and then her partner flash through. She hadn't talked to either of them since they were all admitted to the hospital, but was told they would both be okay. It wasn't enough. They were all nearly killed because of a misplaced vendetta against her.

Frankie and Frost were innocent, caught up in the case and the pursuit of her English ghost. They were police officers, they knew the risk. It didn't help lesson the responsibility Jane felt for their injuries. Maura was innocent. She was taken for no other reason than to punish Jane. Now she was fighting for her life and Jane couldn't accept that she was hurt so severely because of her inability to control the situation.

Jane grabbed her head as a sharp pain caused her to hold her breath. Her eye was so swollen that she couldn't see out of it, but it wasn't her face that was throbbing. She allowed herself to lie back on the table, hoping to alleviate the sudden acute headache. Her shoulder screamed at her for the position, but something had to give. She was too exhausted to get back to the hospital, too ashamed to face Maura.

Jane listened to the night sounds as she let her eyes close. She barely thought about the fact that she had put herself in a vulnerable position. Out alone at night in a city park; unarmed. She didn't have her phone, her keys, her gun. She told herself she'd wait until the pain in her head subsided and she'd make the journey back to the hospital.

"Janie, look at me!" Frankie was always with his big sister. Jane didn't mind. He was always trying to impress her. She watched him proudly as he forced his swing higher and higher proving he was just as brave as the big kids.

"Frankie, not too high." Jane fought her way over to the swings hoping to get to her brother in time. She couldn't move fast enough, Frankie was falling and she wouldn't be able to get to him in time. Jane rolled her little brother over and gasped at the sight of him. There was so much blood. He was conscious and the blood was everywhere. Jane realized he had been stabbed numerous times. She pulled away from him as she suddenly realized he wasn't a little boy anymore. His uniform saturated in his blood.

"I'm so sorry, Frankie." Jane whispered as she moved away from him further. She turned suddenly as she heard Korsak in the distance. He was hollering for her to come help her new partner. Frost was throwing up, once again while Korsak taunted and teased the young detective.

"Leave him alone, Korsak." Jane called as she made her way over to her partner. Korsak's teasing expression changed instantly when Jane made her way across the park. Jane skirted around his half-assed attempt to block her from her new partner who was lying on the ground at their feet. He was bleeding from a gunshot wound to the leg. Jane bent to stop the bleeding but jumped back at Frost's painful screams.

"Jane, you can't stay here. Leave him." Korsak's voice was demanding causing Jane to reluctantly leave her injured partner.

Jane looked around for Korsak, but he wasn't there. The darkness engulfed her and she could feel her heart began to race as she navigated through the pitch black park. She needed to get back to her brother. Her partner needed help. Why couldn't she see anything?"

"How's if feel to have no control?" Bradley's deep voice stilled her in her thoughts and movements.

"No, I killed you. I have control now." Jane whirled around trying to find the voice. She couldn't see anything, but she could hear his breathing and flinched at the feel of his breath on her face.

"Jane!"

"Maura, oh shit! Maura where are you?" Jane panicked at the sound of Maura's terrified scream. She pushed her way through the darkness, reaching, grasping for anything. "Maura, please say something."

Jane heard Bradley's distant laughter and a brief whimper from Maura before she screamed. Jane fell to her knees, fumbling in the dark. Where are you, Maura? It hurt too much to move. Jane let her body collapse onto the ground.

"Jane, Jane, stay with me." Thank God, Maura. Jane tried to respond to her friends touch as she held her on the hard cement. She could still feel Bobby's body under her, but the pain that radiated through her made it impossible to move. Don't cry, Maura. I did it on purpose.

"Go, Maura, Frankie's hurt. Please help Frankie." Jane looked up expecting to see Maura's face, but couldn't see anything. It was so dark, so quiet. She hurt, she hurt so bad.

Jane tried to move, but couldn't. She could feel her hands with every breath, but she couldn't move them. Hoyt had impaled them, staking her to the ground. Hoyt was here. Jane couldn't fight anymore. She wasn't strong enough, tough enough, angry enough. She was defeated.

"Maura? Where are you Maura? I'm so sorry, Maura. I tried, I really tried." Jane rolled onto her side. She looked over at the blood on the ground; her blood. She rubbed her hands together, hoping to bring herself some relief. She tried to focus on the sounds in front of her that were hidden by the pure blackness. It was so dark, Jane hated the dark.

"No control, Jane. Just let go." Bradley's voice cause her to turn around in an attempt to block it out. She heard Hoyt's excited breathing as he methodically placed the scalpel against her neck. Not strong enough to fight anymore.

"Maura!" Jane screamed out. "I'm sorry, Maura!" Jane stopped fighting, allowing Hoyt to proceed. It was easier this way.

Jane listened to the soft, male voice just to her left. It was soothing, although she didn't recognize it. "Ma'am. Are you okay?" There it was again.

Jane looked toward her left but the darkness was so thick. Jane heard him calling for assistance. Police. Thank God. Please, help me find Maura.

"Can you tell me your name?" His voice was so comforting, Jane forced herself to speak, just so he would continue to talk to her.

"Jane. Detective Rizzoli." Just talking made her cry out in pain at the pressure in her head. "Korsak."

"I'll get him. Hang in there Detective." Jane tried to follow the officer's voice. Why was it still so dark?

Jane lied still, she found it helped the pounding in her head. She felt hands on her arm and felt fingers against her neck. She flinched instantly crying out in pain as she felt she needed to fight against her attacker.

"It's okay. Detective, it's okay. It's Officer McMillan from Boston PD." Jane was grateful that the soothing voice was back.

Jane heard the sirens as they approached. She tried to relax, but still couldn't find the officer. "McMillan!" Jane was his superior officer, why couldn't she see him.

"Take it easy." There he was.

Korsak was on scene quickly once he received the call. He was pissed at Jane for leaving the hospital, but his lecture would have to wait. The report he got was she was injured. He hurried to where the paramedics had begun to tend to Jane.

Jane was lying on the picnic table. Korsak noticed the death grip she had on McMillan's hand as he looked toward Korsak for help. "What the hell happened?" Vince replaced the nervous officer, taking Jane's hand in his own.

"I came across her, lying on the table, sir. She seemed out of it, and she's been injured." Korsak leaned down to speak directly into Jane's ear. He watched her carefully as she struggled to place his voice.

"Rizzoli, I'm right here. Open your eyes." Korsak held the paramedics back.

Jane followed her former partner's command. "Vince, where are you?"

"Hang on, Jane." Korsak motioned for help as she moved away allowing the paramedics in.

"Korsak!" Vince cringed at the fear in Jane's voice. He watched as she fought the paramedics. "Vince, where's Maura? Find her, please find her." Jane was bordering hysteria much like she was back at the train station.

Korsak watched as Jane was loaded into the ambulance. He leaned up against his car, trying to calm himself as the sirens blared as they pulled away. Jane was so tough, so strong. He had admired her for so long, and it broke his heart to see her so broken.

Maura lied as still as she possibly could. It made the pressure less and breathing easier. She let her thoughts roam to Jane and the terrible ordeal they had all just been through. She worried about her friend. She could hear the torment in her voice when she cried while she talked last night. She knew Jane would carry the guilt for a long time, if she ever even got over this. Maura wished she could see her now. Just for a few minutes to tell her how thankful she was for her. Jane was her hero, always has been. She was worried she would never get the chance to tell Jane how she truly felt about her.

Maura concentrated on her breathing as she tried to assess her own condition. She made her doctor explain in detail what was going on with her, and his words only confirmed what she already figured out. Her chances of surviving were slim due to the extensive blood loss and the damage the bullet caused within her chest cavity.

She worried about Jane and how she would respond in the event that she didn't make it. She needed to see her, just for a minute. Just for a minute.


	16. Chapter 16

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 16

I don't own R & I.

Jane could feel the pinch on her skin and then the burn that invaded her body. Damn. She had tried to calm herself, tried to calm down after they threatened to sedate her. Nobody was trying to help her. Nobody was trying to find Maura. Jane could hear the voices that seemed so close to her, but still couldn't see past the darkness of the park.

"Where's McMillan?" Jane mumbled. She heard male voices, but they weren't as soothing as the officer's was and they didn't answer her.

Jane could hear the sirens, they were so close. She felt a strange sense of relief. Her team would soon be with her, helping her to find Maura; she's part of their team. Frost would run with her again if that's what they needed to do. She was so proud of her young partner, he was so determined to find Maura.

It was quiet now and Jane wondered if they hadn't given up. She felt her heart sink as the realization set in that it was too late. Her team had managed to find Maura, but it was too late. She had vowed to find her, but she couldn't. She had promised to find her, to save her, but she failed her in the worst way. It was too late.

Jane tried to see. She didn't want to see her best friend's lifeless body, but she had to see for herself. She asked the male voices to wait as she felt herself moving. She could feel the humid stale air attack her face, but still wasn't seeing Maura. It was okay, Korsak was probably not allowing that. He often thought he knew what was best for Jane and maybe this time he did.

Jane tried to speak, but found it impossible to form words. What the hell did they give her? It was still so dark, and Jane wondered if she shouldn't just embrace that. She didn't want to see Maura, not now. Her chest felt so heavy knowing she had lost somebody so important to her. Maura was the only person who allowed Jane to be herself, never judging, never blaming.

She could feel her clothes being removed from her as cold, soft hands gently replaced her sweaty clothes with a hospital gown. She barely registered the pain as the blood soaked bandage was removed from her shoulder. She wanted to lash out as she felt the burn from the antiseptic as it was poured into her wound. She felt the pain, but couldn't move to react to it.

"Detective? Can you hear me?" Another kind, male voice. Jane forced her right arm up to grab at the doctors arm as he inspected her face.

"Stop!" Jane forced out. Everything hurt and she wondered if this was her punishment for letting Maura die. If it was, than she'd take it. She let go of the doctor's arm, letting her own arm fall to her side.

"Jane, I need you to tell me if you can see this." Jane could hear the doctor perfectly, but wondered what it was he was showing her. She looked around, but everything was still so dark.

"My head…stop, please." Jane knew she was begging, but the pain in her head was becoming intolerable. She deserved whatever pain she was experiencing, but she knew Maura wouldn't want her to hurt like this.

"I'm ordering a CT scan, need to see what's going on. Full dose of morphine immediately." Jane could barely hear the doctor barking out orders and it wasn't long before she could feel another pinch as the nurse inserted an I.V.

Jane felt the bed begin to move and she cried out to make them stop. The motion was causing her head to pound so loud she could no longer hear anything or anyone. Nausea threatened and before she knew what was happening she was vomiting. She felt the usual soft hands of the nurses, grab her harshly, turning her body. Jane hadn't eaten anything solid in days, so it was mostly liquid that she had forced up. Jane was struggling to breath through the vomiting and the pain. In the haste to turn her so she wouldn't choke, she was turned onto her left side. Her shoulder screamed at her, her lungs cursed her, and her head was punishing her. She only wished they'd just let her die. She didn't want to fight anymore. Bradley won. Benjamin won. Hoyt won. She had nothing to prove anymore. She felt her body go weightless and welcomed the sensation. Maybe she was about to get her wish. Maybe then she would be able to finally see Maura. She now only prayed Maura would want to see her.

Maura could hear Angela's raspy voice as she spoke softly to her. She was instantly comforted by the older woman, even without hearing her words. Jane's voice had the same quality and Maura found herself wondering just how much Jane would resemble her mother when she got older. Maura wondered briefly about her own mother and if she even knew what had happened. Maura forced her eyes open as Angela's words became clear to her and she heard her mention her mother.

"Oh, thank God." Angela's light touch, smoothing Maura's hair back kept the younger woman calm.

Maura studied Angela with her eyes only, hoping to be able to read something as to Jane's condition. While she was grateful to have Jane's mother with her, she knew she needed to be with Jane as well. The fact that she wasn't, worried her enough to force her concern out.

"Jane?" Maura voice was rough, her throat burned when she spoke.

"They're trying to find out what's going on with her. She's not doing so well, Maura." Angela winced when she realized she had said too much.

Maura's heart rate immediately raised causing Angela to call the nurse in. "Maura, honey, calm down. Jane is so worried about you that she's making herself sick." Maura would've laughed at the way Angela worded her last statement, if it were in the least bit funny. Jane was ignoring the extent of her injuries, carrying the weight of the whole situation and the guilt of her team's injuries. She could hear all that in Jane's voice when she had made her way in to see her earlier.

Maura glanced at the nurse as she set about tending to her I.V. bags. She forced her breathing to regulate, knowing her heart counted on it. She could see Angela relax a bit as the monitor slowed down considerably. Maura's voice was so weak that Angela had to move in close to hear her.

"Her head." Angela was confused by Maura's words. "He hit her in the face too hard with the gun."

"Maura, it's okay. They're checking her out now." Angela could tell Maura was beginning to grow anxious again.

"Her head… might be swelling on her brain." Maura couldn't see Jane when she was there, but she could hear her. She could hear how Jane talked around and through the pain. She could hear how her words weren't pronounced fully and how she paused between the words she did say. Maura had no idea that Jane had left the hospital and that she had fallen apart while gone.

Angela shook her head slightly at how Maura's brain worked, even in her critical condition. Angela then leaned down placing a kiss on Maura's cheek. "Your mother says she will be here as soon as she can. I'm going to go check on Jane now. Okay?"

Maura forced a weak smile. "She's blaming herself. It's not…her …fault." Angela waited for Maura to continue. "She saved me. I love her."

Angela wiped the lonely tear from Maura's face as her eyes closed again. "I know you do. It'll be okay." Angela waited for a response, soon realizing Maura was out once again.

Korsak was pacing, waiting for somebody to tell him something about what was going on with his partner. He was relieved to see Angela come off the elevator. He noticed she looked as worried and worn as he must look by now. He shook his head to her unasked questioned, then let her lead him over to sit for a while.

"I'm worried about her." Vince was beginning to lose his handle on things. Seeing Jane such an emotional and mental wreck was beginning to take it's toll on him as well. "She's lost her grasp on reality. Was so upset that she couldn't find Maura."

"They both need each other so much. I hate that this had to happen for them to realize that." Angela's voice broke as she allowed Vince to wrap his arms around her. They were interrupted by the doctor who had come from nowhere it seemed.

"Ms. Rizzoli is in a room in the ICU…"

"It's Detective Rizzoli." Vince smirked at Angela's interruption.

The doctor smiled and prepared to start over. "Detective Rizzoli is in a room in the ICU. We were able to locate where there was some swelling on her brain due to the blunt forced trauma she suffered. It's affecting her vision as well as putting pressure on her brain." He paused watching Angela's shocked expression.

"We've got her heavily medicated to force her to let herself heal. It's not about how much swelling, it's more about where it is. Her vision is completely impaired at this point and we won't know until the swelling reduces as to the extent of the damage."

"Are you saying she may be blind?" Korsak's voice trailed off as he asked the question Angela was afraid to ask.

"I'm saying we have to wait and see. I think once the swelling goes down, things should improve. I just can't say that with one hundred percent certainty." Vince shook the doctors hand as he let them know what room Jane was in.

Korsak encouraged Angela to go on in and be with Jane. He watched as Jane was unresponsive to Angela's kiss on her cheek. He watched for a few more minutes until he got a text from Frost wanting real food brought to him. Korsak shook his head as he laughed to himself. No doubt, Frost was getting better. Jane would be happy to know that.


	17. Chapter 17

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 17

I don't own Rizzoli and Isles.

The wind alternated between haunting and soothing as it blew the hard rain against her bedroom window. She usually loved nights like this, when nature matched her moods. Jane had heard how the guys would refer to her coming up through the academy. She would often fake offense at their descriptions, but truth be known, she had her favorites. She was often called intense and that seem to fit her still. The weather was intense tonight and it managed to unnerve her slightly as she listened to the rain battle it out with the wind.

Jane wrung her hands together, a nervous habit that she sometimes wasn't aware she possessed. She wondered if it was actually nerves that was causing sleep to evade her or if her mind was just so consumed with her case load of late. Several murders this week had lead to countless hours of over time, being a homicide detective was never meant to be a forty hour a week job she reminded herself.

Jane let her mind wander as she forced her eyes closed. She had argued with Korsak most of the week it seemed, usually over nothing. Frost worked hard and worked even harder at staying out of the line of fire when she and Korsak started bickering. Fuses were short, tempers even shorter and the days just seemed to drag on. She was frustrated as were her colleagues, but that didn't matter when the people of Boston were hell bent on killing themselves one by one.

She wondered if Maura was having any luck at getting rest. She had put in just as many continuous hours in the morgue, trying in vain to give Jane the clues she was so desperate for. Jane let the guilt keep her from sleeping now as her thoughts were of how impatient she had been with Maura all week. She knew how Maura was, exact in her thinking, sure of her reasoning. Guessing was foreign to her and Jane often tried to get her to chance a guess just to see if she would cave. If she did, it was after a lengthy stand and Jane would wonder if it actually caused her friend physical pain. Jane aggravated Maura on purpose sometimes and she knew one day she just may have to pay for that.

Jane was intense and Maura knew that. It was often comforting to know that she didn't have to explain her actions or her moods. Maura knew the stress that was her life and seemed to balance her out despite the harsh words and attitude that often accompanied such moods. Maura was so intelligent and that always intrigued Jane. Maura was beautiful and Jane often wondered how she was blessed with both beauty and brains. Maura was passive, yet passionate; strongest when sure. Jane knew this about Dr. Isles and she counted on it; more than even she knew.

She could barely hear her phone ringing in the other room. She listened to the sound as it got louder, piercing the silence of the otherwise quiet apartment. Only then did it dawn on her that the rain had stopped. The rain had stopped and the wind was subsiding. Just like that, the storm had passed. Only now she wondered what storm lay ahead as she listened to the warning tone of an incoming call.

What the hell, Korsak? What the hell was he doing in her living room. They had earned the right to go home and get some rest and Jane for one was looking forward to it. She listened to the hum of her partner's familiar voice. She acknowledged the guilt she felt for being angry at all with him this week. He was just as frustrated, just as furious at the murders that were coming in faster than the leads. He saved her life, she would never have to remind herself of that. They were partners, she relied on him to have her back. He always did. She was content listening to his voice and nearly fell asleep before she could confront him. Why was he here?

"Korsak?" Jane called for him, her body finally comfortable in her bed. She feared if she got out of the bed, she may never get the sleep she was so craving. His voice stopped and she instantly felt fear and uneasiness consume her.

"Jane?" There he was, so close. They were close, but he actually came into her bedroom? She looked for him, but the room was so dark. She had all the lights off, but the soft glow from the moon offered enough light for her to see the rain as it gracefully traveled down her window. Now it was dark, pitch black and this scared her.

"Vince, where are you?" Jane could feel her chest tighten and her muscles respond to the anxiousness that suddenly appeared. She jumped at the contact when Korsak grabbed hold of her hand.

"Jane, I'm right here. Relax." Korsak watched as Jane began to panic slightly. "Listen to me."

Jane turned her head towards his voice. She knew he was close by, but was growing increasingly frustrated by the darkness. "It's so dark, I can't see you." Jane barely spoke the words out loud.

"Jane, you were hurt and suffered a serious head wound. The doctor said the swelling is affecting you vision right now."

Korsak waited for Jane's response. He had hoped somebody else would've been sitting with his partner when she finally woke up. Three days had passed with only short periods of consciousness for Jane due to the medication the doctor wanted her on.

"When?" Jane struggled to remember when she may have been hurt. "We closed four out of the five cases we got this week. It was all good."

Korsak realized she was still out of it and wondered how much he should tell her. "No, Jane. No cases this week. You were hurt by Benjamin Chase. Do you remember who he was?"

Jane tried in vain to locate Korsak as he spoke. Her voice breaking as she once again asked where he was. Korsak sat on the bed, encouraging her to put her hands on him.

"I can't see? Why can't I see?" Jane felt her throat closing as panic set in.

"Jane! Jane, listen to me. Jane!" Korsak was quickly on his feet reaching for the nurse's call button. Jane was agitated and nervous and had begun to shake uncontrollably.

"Rizzoli!" Jane seemed to respond to the harsh tone of her partner's voice. "They will put you out again if you get too worked up."

"Vince, Vince, I can't see." Korsak's heart jumped at the vulnerable tone of the usually hardnosed detective.

"You have to stay calm, Jane. You have to give yourself a chance to heal." Korsak watched as the nurse quickly added more medication to Jane's I.V. He had hoped for some improvement in Jane's condition when she awoke, but that obviously wasn't the case. She would soon be out once again. Korsak knew it was for her own good, but he hated that she needed to be medically controlled in order to heal.

"Vince?" Jane half heartedly reached towards him. Korsak sat back down on the bed, allowing her to once again feel that he was there. "Benjamin Chase, from the bank?"

"Yes. He took Maura to get at you. Do you remember?" Korsak held his breath as Jane's eyes continuously opened and closed. She was trying like hell to see something and it was killing him to see that she couldn't.

"Maura's pissed at me?" Korsak wondered if Jane was actually remembering the events that had led up to her hospitalization. "I was impatient with her as usual and she got mad at me."

Korsak was silent as Jane's eyes remained closed longer and longer each time she shut them. He was about to leave her side when her words stopped him. "Vince, can you tell Maura, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be such an ass. She doesn't deserve that."

Korsak shook his head as he watched Jane fade out once again. He knew she had blocked out what had happened. The doctors had said that may happen as well, the body's way of protecting itself while she healed.

Maura was awake, had been most of the day. She had been warned more than once not to move too much or too quickly. Maura had insisted Angela fill her in as to Jane's condition. And Jane's mother had obliged, but Maura could tell she was censoring her updates. She pleaded with Angela to please tell her the truth.

Maura did all she could to obey the doctors orders. She was feeling stronger, but still found it difficult to breathe. She wanted to see Jane. She needed to see Jane. Her memory was torturing her, constantly displaying images of Benjamin hurting Jane. She remembered hearing the gunfire and feeling Jane cover her. Jane tried like hell to protect her and now she was suffering. She had to see Jane and it had to be now.


	18. Chapter 18

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 18

I don't own R & I.

Maura's doctor tried in vain to talk her out of seeing Jane right now. Although he was not Detective Rizzoli's primary, he was well aware of her condition. He knew they were trying to keep Jane sedated in an attempt to reduce the swelling in her head and that an emotionally charged visit from Maura could jeopardize any progress.

Maura used what little strength she had to argue with her doctor. She wasn't sure enough to say if she needed to see Jane for her own piece of mind or if she thought Jane knowing she was there would help speed up the wounded detective's recovery. She supposed it didn't matter either way.

Between Korsak and Angela, Maura was updated in detail on Jane's condition. Korsak tried as well to talk her out of seeing Jane, having just come from there. He knew Jane was in a bad way presently. He worried that Maura's condition would deteriorate if she saw for herself how bad Jane was at the moment.

"She's only been conscious a few minutes at a time over the past three days, Maura." Korsak knew how bad Maura wanted to see her. "And when she is awake, she's all over the board. I don't think she remembers what happened at all or why."

Maura tried to shift her position in the bed, giving up in mid motion. She was hearing what they were saying to her, but in her heart she still believed Jane needed her. She hoped she needed her anyway.

"I just want to see her, please." Maura looked to Angela first and then back to Korsak. "I won't wake her, won't bother her. I just need to see her." Maura's voice trailed off causing Angela to take charge.

"Relax, honey. Let me see what I can do." Angela motioned for Korsak to follow her out of the room. Once in the hallway, Korsak stopped her before she even began.

"She's not strong enough to even get in a chair. How's she going to get into Jane's room?" Korsak tried, but could tell he wouldn't win. "Jane's been out of it for a while now. What if she doesn't want to see Maura?"

"Why wouldn't she want to see Maura?" Angela scanned the area looking for Maura's doctor or at the very least one of the nurses who could get him.

Korsak lightly grabbed Angela's arms to command her full attention. "Jane isn't with the program right now. There's no telling what she'll say if she wakes up when Maura is in there. I don't want Maura to get upset, she's in no condition for that."

"Dr. Isles knows what she can handle and what she can't. She's so smart, Vince, and she wants to see Jane." Angela could tell how much Maura loved Jane and she would do whatever she could to help her. "Besides, maybe it'll help Jane as well."

Korsak shook his head as Angela hurried off after one of Maura's nurses. He then made the short walk down to Jane's room. He watched through the window as one of Jane's nurses was tending to her I.V. Jane was sleeping and Korsak knew it was due to the medication. He was glad for it though as she had gotten so upset when she realized she couldn't see. He prayed silently that her blindness was indeed a temporary side effect to her head trauma.

Korsak made his way up to see Frost and Frankie. Both were recovering from their respective injuries, but were grounded as well. Korsak was surely feeling the pressure as he was the only one of their team standing. Benjamin Chase had been prepared to stop at nothing to get he ultimate revenge on Jane. A vendetta that was totally unjustified. Korsak boarded the elevator letting his mind take him back to that scene so many years ago in the bank. Jane didn't want to go in, she wasn't prepared for such an assignment. She knew it and he knew it as her partner. Jane hadn't been assigned to him for too long at that point, but he already knew her pride and her commitment wouldn't allow her to refuse the assignment. He remembered how well she held it together after. She faced Benjamin and she faced Bradley and apologized despite the fact that none of the outcome was her fault.

Vince couldn't shake the feeling that this would be the end for Detective Jane Rizzoli. Her body had been broken before, her resolve tested and then weakened. He had never seen her mind so damaged, her heart so shattered. He felt a tear of his own slip down his face as he tried to force the image of Jane trying to get to Maura when she realized she had been shot out of his mind. She was beside herself, ignoring her own injuries to get to her. That was Jane and now he wondered what it had all done to her.

He knocked lightly before entering Frankie's room. He promised him a full, uncensored update on his sister. He would give him her stats, but he had no clue how to explain her true condition.

Maura was nothing if not strong. Angela watched in awe as she forced her voice to remain strong and deliberate as she spoke with her doctor. She had reasoned with him until she grew frustrated. She then became angry and threatened to get to Jane on her own if necessary. Angela smiled as she watched the frustrated doctor back down. Jane would've been proud of Maura just then. And the language? Jane would've laughed at that.

It was set. Maura would be transported to Jane's room, never to leave her bed. Her body was still entirely too weak to support herself any other way. She would be granted only a short visit and if any distress was caused to either of their conditions, then the visit would be cut even shorter. Maura ignored the conditions of the agreement, all she heard was she would soon see Jane.

Maura closed her eyes at the movement as her bed was wheeled slowly from her room. She knew in her head that this was not a good idea at all. She believed in her heart that it was more necessary than she could explain. Her bed was positioned so that she was upright enough to be able to see Jane who was lying flat on her back. The room was still and quiet and the orderlies who were moving Maura into Jane's room were careful about any unnecessary noise or movement.

Maura's vision was immediately blurred as she stared at her friend. She ignored the nurses that stayed in the room, her nurses and Jane's. She stared at Jane's face hoping to see some kind of life. Maura struggled to keep her eyes from traveling away as the bruises on Jane's face still looked so dangerous and dark. Maura couldn't control the tears as she recalled how fast Jane had fallen when Benjamin had hit her with his gun.

Maura felt paralyzed against any movement at all as she fought the anger that seemed to consume her. Over the last few days, she had pleaded with Korsak to fill her in on everything that had happened since she had made that first call to Jane. Maura knew how hard Jane had tried to get to her, how she followed every direction Benjamin had delivered. She never let up all the while having no clue who or why they were tormenting, torturing and then punishing her.

Maura watched as Jane began to stir. It was clear how much pain Jane still felt as she winced without opening her eyes. Jane's movements stopped and she was once again still as the wave seemed to pass. Maura wanted to touch her, to let her know she was there, but was now even more afraid. She didn't want to risk causing Jane any more pain than she was already dealing with.

The pressure was building in Maura's chest and the sensation made her nervous. She knew she was overdoing it, but Jane was worth the effort. Maura reached over and let her fingers lightly touch the back of Jane's hand. She was pleased there was no response, she just wanted to touch her. She let her fingers move to her wrist where she felt for a pulse. She could almost see Jane shaking her hand away in mock frustration, telling her she was being overly dramatic. She would be thrilled if Jane would do that now, but she knew better. She was relieved to feel such a strong pulse and let her fingers linger. She could have simply looked up at the monitor to see that Jane's heart was strong, but she craved the contact right now.

Maura watched Jane a bit longer wondering what would become of her if she never regained her vision. The thought tugged at her heart, Jane hated to depend on anybody for anything. Jane startled slightly causing Maura to do the same. Maura held her breath as Jane seemed to be awaking. She wouldn't open her eyes, even though it was obvious she was feeling pain when she moved her head.

"Korsak?" Jane's deep, throaty sound forced Maura to blink away yet another wave of tears.

Maura still had a hold of Jane's hand and wondered if she should answer her. "Jane, it's me Maura."

Jane didn't respond. Her movements stopped and Maura wondered if she wasn't out again. Maura watched carefully as Jane's voice was barely a whisper this time.

"Maur?"

"Yes. Jane, honey, it's me." Maura watched as Jane seemed confused and then agitated. Her eyes shot up to the heart monitor. "It's okay, Jane. Easy."

Maura listened carefully as Jane started to say something then stopped. She started again, again without opening her eyes. "I'm sorry, Maur. Are you still pissed at me?"

"No, no of course not." Maura allowed her fingers to tighten around Jane's hand. The gesture seemed to still Jane causing Maura to remove her hand completely.

"I tried Maura…to get you. He made it so hard, but I tried." Maura could tell Jane was getting worked up and grew nervous for them both.

"Jane, you did it. You saved me Jane. You did." Jane opened her eyes, not even coming close to finding Maura's.

Jane's voice cracked as she managed to inform Maura as to where her head was. "It was too late. I was too late. So much blood. I tried."

"No, Jane, I'm okay. I'm right here." Maura took Jane's hand in hers again.

"I can't see, Maur. I'm trying, but I can't see you." Jane let her head fall to the side as she winced in pain again. "Too dark."

Maura raised Jane's hand to her face. She carefully placed her hand so that Jane's palm was against her cheek. "I'm right here, Jane. Can you feel me?"

Jane rolled her head back towards Maura at the feel of her. "I want to die now. It's okay. I want to die so I will be able to see you. I need to see you."

Maura forced herself to hold back a sob as Jane's words were haunting. "No, Jane. I need you to live. I need you to fight, just a little more. For me. Please Jane." Maura's voice now was weak and strained.

Maura could feel Jane's fingers move against her skin. Her fingers slowly trailed Maura's face as if she were trying to convince herself that Maura was indeed alive. Jane let her fingers stop at the feel of Maura's breath. "Maur?"

Maura grasped Jane's hand again. "I need you, Jane Rizzoli. I'm alive and I need you."

Jane forced herself to focus on Maura's voice, her words. She turned her head more to the right despite the pain that accompanied the movement. She opened her eyes again and Maura could feel her heart jump slightly at the thought that maybe Jane was realizing what was real now. Maura could tell Jane wasn't seeing her despite her eyes locking on her own.

"I can't see." Jane's voice was shaking and it was only a few seconds before the rest of her body began to tremble as well. The heart monitor picked up it's pace, causing he nurses to approach quickly. "Maura, I can't see you."

"It's okay, Jane. I'm here. It's going to be okay." Maura felt her bed moving despite her protests. She glanced back as Jane's nurses were trying to calm her. She closed her eyes against the harsh movements of her bed being wheeled further away from Jane. She could hear her calling for her despite the warnings for her to calm down.

"Stop!" Maura ordered. "I need to help her, I need to go back to her!" Maura collapsed in frustration as her doctor refused her demands this time. She had overdone it and her body was warning her. She heard the doctor's threats to force her to remain in her room, but her body wouldn't allow her to leave at this point anyway.

Maura could hear Jane screaming for her as her room was only a few doors down from her own. She wondered what was causing her chest to hurt more, the bullet wound or Jane needing her. It wasn't long and she could no longer hear Jane. She wasn't sure if she should feel relieved or worried. Either way it hurt her to hear and see Jane so broken. Just maybe Korsak was right, she should've waited.

A/N: So pleased to see the interest in this story and now my new one. It's very encouraging and I just wanted to let you all know how much I appreciate the comments and reviews.


	19. Chapter 19

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 19

I don't own R and I.

Jane scanned the dark, her breathing difficult, her heart heavy. Every movement hurt her head and she knew they had given her yet more narcotics. She was tired of feeling weak, helpless, confused. She was sure Maura was gone, she had actually seen her bleeding out in front of her eyes. When she could see that was and now she wasn't sure if what she saw was real or what she felt was real.

Jane's limbs felt heavy and she knew soon she would be able to escape the pain that was almost to the point of being intolerable. She had never had a migraine, but she was sure this particular headache was so much worse. Maura would know how to help her. She would know how to bring her at least some comfort, but she left. If she was really even here at all.

"Korsak!" Jane screamed out hoping the effort would shake the haze that was clouding her every function.

"Detective, please you must calm down." Jane knew she would pay for the outburst and she was right. She grabbed a hold of the nurse's arm when she felt her trying to calm her.

"Please tell me. Is Dr. Isles okay?" Jane's voice broke with each word.

Jane cringed at the pressure that continued to build in her head. She screwed up by hollering, but she needed someone to tell her something. Korsak would tell her the truth, she trusted him and he would know how important this was to her.

"Dr. Isles is very weak right now, but her condition is improving. Don't you remember, Detective? She was just here." Jane let go of the nurse's arm once she began speaking.

"She's alive?" Jane was beginning to fade out and that frustrated her.

"Yes, Dr. Isles survived her surgery and is doing well." Jane let her body shut down once she heard that Maura was just there with her. The pain in her head was making it so hard for Jane to decide what was real and what wasn't. She had heard Maura's voice. She had heard her say she was okay; that she was alive.

Maura slowly opened her eyes after several hours of sleep. Her body was angry at her for pushing in such a way, but she had to see Jane. Despite the warnings, Jane's condition had proven too much for her heart to handle. It was unsettling that Jane had truly believed that she had died, despite Maura's words otherwise. She could read the fear on Jane's face as she tried to sort out what she was hearing and what she was feeling. Maura found it easy to ignore her own injuries and limitations when she wanted nothing more than to get back to Jane. Hearing her scream for her had broken her heart and she wiped at the tears that insisted on falling.

Maura looked toward the door as she heard the knock and then watched it open. It only took nearly a week, but finally Maura's mother had bothered to show. Maura wasn't sure how she felt about her mother showing up; she was angry, that much was clear.

"Maura darling, je suis venu des que j'ai entendu. Comment vous vous sentez? She came as soon as she heard? It took her a week to hear that her daughter had been shot and was fighting for her life? Maura knew better, Angela said she had called her right after they were brought in.

"Je suis mere fine." Maura was fine, at least better now. She had hoped to see her mother earlier, but had learned to deal with disappointment of not ever being a priority in the hugely successful woman's life.

"Vous n'etes pas fine, vous a faille mourir!" Yes, mother I nearly died. Good thing you got here when you did. Maura was highly aggravated by the charade her mother was presenting without an audience.

"L'anglais veuillez mere." Maura wasn't in the mood to oblige her mother right now. She would talk to her in English or she could leave. "I'm surprised you came at all."

"Oh, Darling. I had to make the necessary arrangements, cancel meetings, reschedule appointments, make travel plans. Takes time sometimes."

Maura narrowed her eyes wanting to make a remark that would piss her mother off enough to leave. Angela was more of a mother to her right now and her own daughter was in a fight of her own. "I understand."

"Your detective friend is hurt badly, I understand?" Constance's question was appropriate, but her interest seemed forced causing Maura to bite back.

"Jane saved my life, mother. And yes she is now paying for it." Maura watched as her mother pulled up a chair and carefully took a seat. She reached for Maura's hand in a move that surprised her.

"That's what she does, honey. She is a police officer and a pretty damn good one, so I hear." Maura was confused at her mother's statement regarding Jane. "You are a very lucky woman to have befriended such a tough character in Jane."

Maura watched her mother as she seemed to soften in the moment. "I am very lucky to know Jane. I'm worried, Mother. She has a serious head injury. She can't see because of it."

"Oh, darling, I am so sorry. Is it permanent? Will she improve, do you think?"

"I'm not sure. They won't let me see her for too long. She's critical right now." Maura was relieved her mother was trying to be nurturing in her time of need. She graded her on a curve, knowing Constance was never really the mothering type. She often wondered if her biological mother could have been what Maura had wished for as a kid. Right now, Constance was doing fine by her and Maura wondered if she should let her know just that.

"As are you. You should concentrate on getting better yourself, so then perhaps you can then help your detective." Maura held the gaze of her mother and could feel the tears well up once again.

"Jane needs me now, but I can't help her. I think I upset her too much when I forced my way in a few hours ago to see her." Maura welcomed her mother's hand on her cheek as she absorbed her tears.

"You need her just as much, Maura. I think it took something so tragic for you to realize just how much she really means to you." Constance smiled an accepting smile at her daughter.

"I love her, Mother. I just don't know if she feels the same way. I don't want to lose her if she doesn't." Maura's words were barely a whisper as she searched her mothers eyes for answers.

"Je pouvais voir la facon don't elle vous regarde. Elle allait mourir pour vous et a Presque. Raconter son Maura. N'attendez pas trop long temps." Constance stood after deliberately delivering her speech in French. Constance had seen the way Jane looked at Maura when she was in town last. She knew Jane would die for Maura if it meant saving Maura from any pain and she nearly did just that. Jane had feelings for her daughter and it gave Constance a sense of peace for her daughter. She believed Jane to be strong, confident and intelligent. She also believed she could be passionate about what she believed in. Constance knew in her heart that Jane believed in Maura. It was just a matter of recognizing and then admitting how they felt for each other.

"Don't wait, Maura. You know better than anybody how precious life is. Tell her how you feel. Even if she doesn't feel the same, she would never hurt you. You have to trust that."

Maura was openly crying now. She was never afforded such an opportunity to see this side of her mother growing up and it moved her. Maura was angry when her mother finally bothered to show up, but now was praying she would stay longer. Once again, Constance had disappointed her daughter.

"J'ai besoin de quitter main tenant,mais je vais verifier rapidement sur vous." Of course she had to leave. Maura's heart broke just a little more as she realized she would never be a priority in her mother's life.

Constance placed a kiss on either side of Maura's face before heading to the door. Maura studied her mother as she turned before reaching for the handle. She was such a beautiful woman who had given Maura such a privileged life. Maura knew it wasn't fair to be angry or upset with her, but she wished she had been able to give her more, or less for that matter. Maura hoped Jane knew how lucky she truly was to have a mother like Angela.

"Je t'aime." Constance's accent was deep then as she made her way from Maura's room. Maura watched the door close and just like that she was alone again. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt so alone.

"Je t'aime trop mere." Maura relaxed against her pillow, ignoring the tears as they soaked the hair that gathered around her neck.

Frankie had waited long enough. He was feeling considerably better and had managed to talk his doctor into a wheel chair ride up to see his sister. Korsak had fulfilled his promise to the younger Rizzoli, filling him in on Jane's condition without censor. Frankie hated that Jane was suffering so and could only hope that he could help her. He would do anything for her as he knew she would do the same.

Frankie couldn't help the tears that formed as he stared at his older sister. Jane was beginning to come around and as much as Frankie wanted to talk to her, he was nervous.

"Janie?" He tried to keep his voice strong as he watched Jane turn towards his voice.

"Frankie. You okay?" Jane's voice was rough, but she seemed to come alive at hearing his voice.

"I'm fine. You need to be fine too. Okay, we need you." Frankie reached for her hand and was pleased to feel her grip tighten around his hand.

"Frankie. Maura was hurt really bad. Shot."

"I know, Jane. She's doing better. They think she's going to make it." Frankie wished Jane would open her eyes. He wanted to believe hearing about Maura would be all she needed to see again. He knew better, but he hated seeing his sister hurt in any way.

"I want to see her. I need to see her." Jane kept her voice barely above a whisper, she found it helped, kept the pain from worsening.

"I know, soon, Jane." Frankie leaned in as close as he could so Jane wouldn't have to talk to loud.

"I can't see, Frankie. My head hurts so bad. Never had a headache like this." Jane squeezed her brother's hand.

"You're gonna get better. You're too strong, Janie. Maura will too. You'll see." Frankie watched as his sister forced a smile.

"Frankie, tell Maura I'm sorry." Jane's voice cracked causing Frankie's heart to break.

"Jane, she doesn't blame you." Frankie thought about what Korsak had told him. He wondered if Jane felt the same way about Maura. It was not his business, but if admitting their feelings would help their recovery than they could just yell at him later; when they were both better and back to work.

Jane had pulled her hand from Frankie's to rub her temple. "Don't ever take the butt of a gun to the face. Hurts like hell." Frankie laughed at Jane's attempt to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, it looks like it hurts. Bullet to the shoulder probably doesn't feel much better huh?" Frankie wondered how many lives his sister truly had.

"That hurt like hell too." Jane turned her head toward Frankie and opened her eyes. Frankie met her gaze, but soon realized she wasn't seeing him. His mood shifted once again at the reality of the situation.

"Jane." Frankie paused trying to pick the right words. "Do you love, Maura?"

"What the hell? Korsak asked me the same thing yesterday." Jane was confused. It was actually nearly four days ago, but Jane had been in and out of it having no idea what day it was now.

"Do you?" Frankie was nervous seeing Jane grow agitated.

"Yes. I love Maura. Is that what you want to hear?"

"Is that what you want to say?" Frankie cursed himself for upsetting his sister, but he hoped it would help in the long run.

Jane was quiet for a long few moments. "Frankie?"

"I'm here, Jane."

"I wanted to die. She had gotten shot despite everything I did to save her. I thought she died and I wanted to die too." Jane's voice broke as she spoke and Frankie took a hold of her hand again.

"Jane, it's okay." Frankie tried to help her.

"It's wrong to feel this way, Frankie." Jane closed her eyes as tears forced their way through. "Yeah, I love her."


	20. Chapter 20

Cold Summer Heat chapter 20

I don't own R and I.

Jane refused any more pain medication. She needed to be able to think, to feel, to figure out why she was so confused. She lied still listening to the sounds that were becoming so familiar, having spent nearly two weeks in the hospital. She had been moved out of the ICU and into a regular room where there seemed to be a never ending parade of visitors. It wasn't until she was left alone, that she acknowledged she still felt an incredible amount of pain in her head. Her shoulder was more of an annoyance and the bruising on her face was beginning to slowly heal.

She found she feared being alone, despite being able to recognize the activity that was happening around her by simply listening. The doctors were disappointed that she hadn't begun to regain any amount of her vision by this point, but were still optimistic that she would in time. Jane had no choice but to be patient, but her fears that the damage was permanent was beginning to take it's toll.

Jane listened to the door open and waited to see who felt she needed company. It really didn't matter who it was, Jane needed to know she wasn't alone. The darkness was suffocating in a way that scared Jane and she hated feeling so vulnerable.

"I thought they'd never let me out." Jane smiled at the sound of her partner's voice.

"I thought you got out and left me here. Some partner you are." Jane tried to pinpoint where Frost was by listening to his activity. She felt the bed move slightly and figured Frost ran into it with his wheelchair.

"I escaped with my hot set of wheels. Now if I could only drive this thing." Jane was surprised that Frost had managed to maneuver his new ride as close to her bed as he did.

"Frost, have you been to see Maura?" Jane found her thoughts were of Maura constantly and she asked about her every chance she got.

"No, but from what Korsak and Frankie tell me, she's doing really good." Frost watched Jane as she seemed almost dejected at his answer. "I hear she's pissing the doctors off now that she's feeling better."

"She probably knows their job better than they do and in her Maura way is driving them crazy." Jane smiled at the thought. "She would drive me crazy all the time, but I know her, know how to deal with her."

Barry watched as Jane's expression changed quickly with her words. "Jane, you know none of this was your fault. I was there every step of the way with you; you couldn't have done any more."

"Yet still…" Jane raised her good arm to rub her temple. "Barry…how are you doing?"

"I'll be fine, Jane." Frost reached for his partner's hand. "And so will Maura."

Jane jumped initially at the contact, but soon relaxed at his touch. She knew she had to rely more on all her other senses, including and maybe especially touch.

"I can't stand being here, like this." Jane didn't try to hide her frustration. "I need to be get back to work, back to doing something other than lying here like this."

"How's your head? What are the doctors saying?" Frost avoided asking about her sight even though he knew she would guess that's what he wanted to know.

Jane shrugged before asking once again about Maura. "What if Maura does blame me, you know deep down. What if she thinks because of Bradley, I didn't…"

"You shot him the first opportunity you got. I really don't think she's thinking like that." Frost was nervous and Jane could hear it.

"What is it, Barry?" Jane turned to where she thought her partner had shifted so that if she could see him her eyes would be burning into his. This unnerved the younger detective to realize how much her other senses were heightened.

"I never lost contact with Korsak. I could hear what was going on outside, but I couldn't relay to them. I had lost my handheld at some point." Jane waited patiently for Frost to continue.

"I knew they would be storming the room soon, so I tried to warn you." Jane closed her eyes and rested her head back against the bed.

"I remember." Her voice was softer than Frost was used to hearing. "All hell broke lose then."

"Jane, how did Maura get shot?" Jane's eyes shot open as she once again locked them with her partner.

"Benjamin." Jane waited, but grew increasingly nervous when there was no response. "No?'

"No."

Jane was silent but for the anger that began to brew. "Friendly fire. We messed up again."

"I made sure it was proven, before telling you. Jane it wouldn't have mattered what you did, they moved in too soon." Jane could feel Frost pull away from the bed.

"Where are you going?" Jane's voice was panicked causing Frost to stop.

"You're brother needs to talk to you." Frost sensed her relax a bit, although her anxious nature bothered him.

Jane listened to the guys exchange pleasantries before Frankie was by her side. "Hey, sis. How're you feeling?"

"Got a headache…still." Jane was angry. This whole thing with Bradley and Benjamin truly had come full circle. Benjamin had gotten the revenge he sought and by her own people. Much like it was her own people that caused his wife's death at the bank.

"I'm worried about Maura?" Frankie's words made Jane hold her breath. "She has refused visitors, won't talk to anyone."

Jane closed her eyes and forced herself to breathe. Maura was shot because of a vendetta against her. Maura was struggling now because of that same vendetta. "She was totally innocent in all of this."

"Jane, you need to talk to her."

"No, I need to stay away from her. She's only hurt now because they knew we were close friends. Same reason he hurt you. To get at me. To make me pay for getting his wife killed." Jane's voice was loud, yet weak.

"You didn't get his wife killed. It wasn't your fault, Jane." Frankie placed his hands on Jane to try to calm her.

"This wasn't my fault either, right? Yet this time it's Maura's that's hurt." Frankie knew where she was headed and tried to cut her off. Jane was quicker. "I can't see her. I can't have anything to do with her. It's just not safe for her."

"You said you loved her. Right?" Frankie continued when there was no response in any way from Jane. "How can you desert her when she needs you?"

Jane closed her eyes, she was frustrated and her head was pounding. "It's because I love her. Don't you get it? I can't stand that she was hurt because of me. I can't stand wondering when the next time some psycho will target her to get at me."

"Ma told me how Maura bullied her way in here to see you when you were at your worst. She wasn't well enough to do that, but she did because you needed her. I don't know if you realize that or not, but you needed her and she showed up. She loves you Janie. It really is as simple as that." Frankie held her hand while Jane winced at the pain that was constant now.

"I thought she had died. My head hurt so bad and they kept giving me drugs for it. I really thought she had died and I didn't want to live. I don't want to live without her, but I won't risk her life again."

"Would you save it again…if you had to, would you do whatever it took to save her life?" Frankie watched as Jane's breathing leveled out.

"You know I would do anything I had to do to save Maura's life. We're friends, Frankie. That's it. She doesn't love me. Not like you're thinking. It's just not right?"

"Why? Because she's a woman? Who cares?" Jane wanted to smile at the boyish tone of Frankie's voice just then.

"It's not like that. She thinks she loves me because I tried to save her." Jane was beyond frustrated now.

"Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe it's fate." Frankie blew out a long breath. "Even you can't control fate. That's why it's such a cool thing."

"Why's it a cool thing?" Jane mocked her little brother. "Because I can't control it?"

"Because you don't want to. You feel it, you're just being stubborn." Frankie got to his feet and pulled away from his sister. "And scared."

"Where are you going?" Jane hated feeling so all over the map.

Frankie heard the fear despite Jane's best attempt to conceal it. "To try to see Maura. Unlike you, I want to help her."

Jane knew he was baiting her, but his comment had stung deep anyway. "Frankie, wait!"

Jane waited for Frankie to respond and when he didn't she pushed her legs over the side of the bed. The movement caused her head to pound even harder and she felt instantly dizzy. She let her body fall back against the bed. "Frankie, I want to help her, I just can't."

"You can, Jane." Frankie hadn't left. His soft voice right next to Jane's head made her jump.

"I'm afraid, okay. Is that what you're wanting me to say?" Jane was pissed that Frankie was pushing her.

"No, what I want you to say is that you love her. And then I want you to fight for her…again." Frankie all the sudden was older and wiser and it caught Jane off guard.

"What can I do? I can't go to her. I can't fucking see!" Jane was nearly in tears at this point. "Frankie, I would give anything to be able to see. I want to see her so bad, I sometimes can't breathe."

Frankie smiled at Maura who had walked into the room when Jane had given a thought to get out of the bed. He played his sister and felt bad, but knew Jane needed to be strong armed a bit to admit her feelings.

Jane tried to follow the movement in the room, but quickly grew frustrated. "Frankie, help me get to Maura, please."

Maura knew she would catch hell from her doctors for leaving her room unassisted. She had been walking the halls for the last few days, working to get her strength back, but never without medical assistance. She moved in close to Jane, wondering if she could hear her heart pounding.

Maura watched Jane with tears forming in her eyes. She knew how much Jane hated not being in control. "You win, Frankie. Okay, I admit it. I suck. I should tell her myself how I feel." Jane sounded so defeated which caused Maura to want to back away.

Instead she reached out, letting her hand gently cup Jane's face. Jane was startled, not sensing anyone being so close. Her senses seemed to be shot after all. She reached up with her free hand realizing instantly that Maura had come to her…again.

"Frankie left about two minutes ago." Maura's voice was shaking and Jane heard it clearly.

"Sit down, Maura. You shouldn't be walking around just yet." Jane shifted over in the bed, never releasing Maura's hand.

"How's your head? Feeling any better?" Maura sat down on Jane's bed.

"I'm okay, Maur. Don't worry, okay?" Jane's voice was deeper than usual, a tone Maura recognized. "I…Maura, I…"

"It's okay, Jane. Maybe you're right. This has been a tremendous experience for us and sometimes people tend to attribute different emotions…" Maura stopped when Jane reached up to touch her face.

"I don't want to lose you. I was scared to death that I was going to. I didn't realize…I didn't know until I thought it was too late." Jane let her fingers explore Maura's face. Almost as if trying to convince herself that Maura truly was alive and here with her.

Maura let the tears fall with a sense of relief. Jane felt the wetness hit her fingers, but didn't call her on it.

"I'm sorry, I just can't stand the thought of you getting hurt. I really can't stand the thought of you getting hurt because of me."

"Jane, this was such a freak thing. Benjamin Chase was in a bad way ever since his wife. You can't let that stop you from living, from being happy." Maura hated that Jane continued to blame herself for what she had no control over.

"I really thought you had died." Jane's voice cracked with each word and it tore at Maura's heart. "I know I won't be able to live if anything happens to you."

"So… I don't understand. What are you saying to me, Jane?" Now Maura's voice cracked and the sound told Jane she had to protect her from any more pain.

"I'm scared. I've never experienced such strong feelings for anybody else, ever." Jane lowered her hand down Maura's arm until she found her hand. She grasped it firmly.

Maura watched as Jane struggled to find the words she needed. "I love you, Dr. Isles. That's all I know. I love you and I need you."

Jane brought her hand back up to Maura's face, using her finger to gently swipe at her tears. "I hope you're happy, because I still can't see."

"I am, Jane. I'm very happy." Maura brought her hands up, holding Jane's in between both of hers.

"Okay, now that that's over." Jane tried to lighten the mood a bit. "Where's Frankie?"

"I don't know. He left, why?" Maura was confused.

"I think I may just need to hurt him for playing dirty." Jane finally smiled a smile that made it to her eyes. "I bet I could hurt him even though I can't see him."

Maura laughed at Jane's words toward her little brother. "I think he knows that which is why he's no where around here now."

Jane closed her eyes and relaxed. She listened to Maura tell her about her mother's visit and the incompetence of the medical staff. Jane listened, but didn't hear too much of what Maura was saying. She instead was concentrating on how good it felt to feel her sitting so close. How good it felt to just hear her voice. How good it felt to feel again.


	21. Chapter 21

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 21

I don't own R and I.

Jane was careful to be still as she felt Maura's fingers trace the scars on her hands. Maura's voice was soothing as she continued to talk, jumping from subject to subject. Jane was fighting the frustration that surfaced as she listened. She wanted to be able to see Maura. She wanted to be able to see if she was truly okay. Hell, she needed to see if she was really there, if they had really survived.

"What is it, Jane?" Maura had noticed Jane's discomfort.

Jane opened her eyes to the expected empty darkness. It had been long enough. There was less and less pain in her head everyday, so it only seemed right her vision would be returning, at least somewhat. Jane was truly scared the blindness would be permanent and the thought made her frustrated, angry, terrified. "I can't see." Jane's matter of fact statement was laced with more emotion that she had intended.

Maura studied Jane as the defeated detective seemed to accept her fate.

"Jane, there's still a good chance you will regain your vision." Maura couldn't keep her eyes off the bruises that had only started to fade on Jane's face. Her mind took her back to when she was forced to watch as Benjamin tortured her best friend. Maura's body shook with anger as she recalled how scared she was for her, Frost, and especially for Jane as she watched Jane struggle to stay strong.

"Why are you shaking, Maur? Are you okay, you know you shouldn't be out roaming just yet. Here, call…" Jane jumped at the contact when Maura put her fingers to Jane's lips, stopping her words, starting her heart.

"I'm okay, just so glad he didn't kill you." Maura's voice was wavering and Jane noticed she was even closer. Jane reached for Maura's hand as she pulled her fingers away from her face. Jane cursed herself silently for startling at every motion or movement from Maura. She wasn't afraid of Maura, of all people. Jane wanted to laugh as she forced herself to admit, even if only to herself, that Maura was scaring the hell out of her right now.

Jane wondered if she shouldn't try to lighten the mood, Maura sounded upset. She decided even she wouldn't be able to right now. The impact Maura's statement had was huge on Jane's heart as she felt the same way. She couldn't stop her mind from taking her back to that small, hot train room. The fear she saw in Maura's eyes was nearly disabling to Jane and…

Jane jumped again as she felt Maura's breath. Then she felt her lips touching her own. What was she doing? Maura was kissing her? Jane was still, not quite knowing what to do. Maura was kissing her and Jane realized she was scared to death of what was happening. And then she was gone.

"I'm sorry." Maura's voice was small, not unlike a child's would be. "I don't know why I did that."

"No, Maura, I…you…Maura…damn!" Jane's mind was rolling faster than her body ever could and she was a nervous wreck. "I need to be able to see you. I can't do this."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." Jane could feel Maura as she pulled herself off her bed. She instantly reached for her, grabbing a hold of her arm as Maura stood.

"No, please don't leave." Maura cringed at the unusual vulnerability the usually strong, assured detective was showing. "Maura, please."

Maura slowly lowered herself back down so that she was touching Jane's legs. "Jane, it's too much, too soon. I know we have to figure out what all this is about. I don't want to upset you."

"I just want to see you. I hate that I can't. Understand?" Jane's voice was shaking now and this caused Maura to tear up again. "Maura?"

Maura had to remember that Jane couldn't see her. She was so used to Jane being so observant, that was her job, her nature. "Okay, I understand."

"Maura, can you do that again?" Maura eyes widened as she stared at her friend. Jane thought she was looking straight at Maura, but her eyes were off to the right slightly.

Maura didn't answer, but moved in, placing her hands on either side of Jane's face. She gave Jane a second or two to prepare this time and then gently kissed her. Maura could feel all the emotions of the past few weeks building up, but knew she had to keep herself together; for Jane.

Jane tried to concentrate on what she was feeling, but her mind kept telling her this was all wrong. Maura was her friend, her best friend at that. She was the chief medical examiner, way out of Jane's league, as she saw it. Yet, here she was kissing her best friend, and she had no choice but to feel. She wanted to see. She needed to see.

There was a light knock on the door and Jane felt Maura pull away. "Dr. Isles, you really shouldn't have walked this far without help." Jane imagined herself giving the nurse a dirty look.

"I'm fine, and I'll walk back. I don't need the wheelchair, thank you." Maura slowly got up from the bed leaving Jane confused and angry.

"Maura, tell her no!" Jane was not ready for Maura to leave. She didn't have enough time.

"It's okay, Jane. I'll be back." Maura squeezed Jane's hand before she climbed into the chair. Jane listened as Maura and the nurse made their way out of the room. She was left alone once again and the silence was deafening.

Jane was left alone with her thoughts, her fears and her questions. She tried not to think about it, but she couldn't help but wonder if Maura wasn't just as confused. She seemed sure with her kiss; almost desperate. Maura seemed anxious to leave and Jane worried if she thought she had made a mistake. Jane was unsure as to what was happening between them, but what she did know was she wasn't sorry. She missed Maura already and really didn't know what to do with herself.

Jane had spent the rest of the day alone, flipping the channels on the television she couldn't watch. She about wore out the remote just changing from channel to channel. She wanted, no needed the commotion as the quiet was too loud. She was never happier to hear Korsak's voice as he made his way in.

"What are you watching?" Korsak had hoped to make Jane smile and it had worked.

"Everything, nothing. This sucks, Korsak." Jane cut the T.V. off and tossed the remote off to the side.

"Yeah, pretty much. One more night and you can go home to your own place." Korsak recognized the worried look on his former partner's face. Jane had mixed feeling about leaving the hospital although she acted thrilled when her doctor had informed her of his decision earlier.

"I don't want to leave Maura here." Jane's voice was just barely more than a whisper.

"I guess you didn't hear. She's being discharged in the morning as well." Korsak laughed as he pulled up a chair. "I'm hearing she isn't exactly the easiest patient."

Jane laughed at the thought of Maura giving her doctors fits. "That's good, means she's doing well."

"You okay with going home, Jane?" Korsak knew she wasn't, but didn't want to call her out on it.

"We trashed Maura's place. When we were trying to find out who took her. She can't go back there, Korsak." Jane worked her arm out of the sling grimacing at the pain that followed. "Stiff, you know."

"Your mother already took care of her place, she'll be fine. She'll have a home health nurse check on her for the next few days as well. She's ready, Jane." Korsak waited for Jane's response.

"We never did figure out how she was taken from there. Is it secure enough?" Korsak could tell how worried Jane was about Maura and tried not to sound patronizing in any way.

"I made sure her home was secure myself, but I'll go over it before she gets there." Korsak gently placed one finger on Jane's hand. "She'll be okay, Jane. It's over."

"I know, I just…what if…I…" Jane threw her head back against the pillow as the frustration was once again overwhelming.

"Jane, she's already told your mother she wants to come back to your place to help you."

"No!" Jane surprised herself as well as Korsak with her sudden outburst. "I don't need help and she's still too weak." Jane was scared to have Maura around her. She was only involved in this whole mess because Benjamin targeted her. He used her and their close relationship to hurt Jane. He nearly killed Maura in his attempt to break Jane.

"Jane, as hard as it is to admit it, you will need help. Your mother won't be able to help you around the clock. I'm sure you don't want that anyway." Korsak was trying to be the voice of reason.

"Frost told me." Jane closed her eyes against her own words. "Maura was shot by our own people. Another mistake. They moved in too soon."

Korsak was quiet, knowing the fact Jane now knew. He remembered how hard Jane had struggled to accept the fatal mistake that was made causing Benjamin's wife, Bradley's mother, to be shot.

"Korsak?" Jane listened hard, wishing she could see his reaction. "Is that right?"

"Yes."

"Are we sure, was the bullet taken from Maura run through ballistics?" Jane's voice was deeper than usual as the whole situation made her angry.

"Jane, does it matter? Maura is going to be okay, that's what's important." Korsak tried to keep Jane from getting upset.

"It matters, Korsak." Jane was angry and she was upset. "I tried like hell to find her. I did everything that son of a bitch told me too. I got to her and she was okay."

Korsak swallow hard as he watched Jane begin to fall apart. "She was okay when I got to her, but then…" Jane used both hands to cover her face as she worked to keep herself from completely losing it.

"Yes, Jane, the bullet was from a SWAT team member. We had lost contact and could only hear bits and pieces of what was going on in there from Frost's radio. Maura is going home tomorrow. She's okay, that's what matters now." Korsak pulled Jane's hands from her face, forcing her to talk to him some more.

"I don't want her around me. It's too dangerous. There's always going to be somebody pissed off at me for some reason. I can't have her in danger just because she knows me." Jane spoke slowly, making sure Korsak was hearing her.

"Uh huh, well good luck with that. Dr. Isles is a lot stronger than you give her credit for. She's not going to let you decide such a thing for her." Korsak flipped the television back on. "Whatcha wanna watch?"

Maura watched from the hallway as Jane's doctor examined her before signing off on her discharge paperwork. She had talked her way into finding out the results of Jane's latest scan. The swelling had reduced significantly which was giving Jane relief from the disabling headaches. Maura was disappointed that there still wasn't a definitive answer on what was causing the blindness and whether or not it would be permanent.

Maura held her breath as Jane was instructed to stand without help. Her balance would be an issue as she hadn't moved from the bed much at all. She was told not to, but Maura knew that wouldn't have stopped her. Jane Rizzoli was afraid and lying in the bed was safe.

The doctor talked to Jane while Maura watched. Jane had lost weight, and on her already thin frame it was clearly noticeable. It wasn't but a few minutes before Jane did lose her balance causing Maura to enter the room. She made eye contact with the doctor who motioned for her to stay back and quiet.

Jane was angry at her lack of progress and it was evident in her voice as she questioned the doctor as to why she still couldn't see. "Just tell me if I'm going to be blind for good."

"You're still healing. It could go either way at this point. It's important to take it easy and relax." The doctor helped Jane back into a sitting position on the bed. "I assume you will have twenty-four hour care once you're home?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Jane didn't want to go home. She didn't want to stay there. She was out of sorts and it was taking it's toll on her mentally. The doctor signed off and there was nothing left to do but wait for her ride home. Jane thought about her apartment and when she was in it last. Bradley. She had left when she got the call from Maura after she and Bradley…

Maura watched as Jane tried to deal with her handicap. It tore at her heart to see Jane so vulnerable. Maura made her way over to Jane being sure to make noise as to not scare her. She was relieved at the small smile that crossed Jane's face as she got closer. "Are you ready?" Maura's voice was enough to shake Jane out of her pity party.

"I guess so. Are you? Are you okay, Maura? Please don't lie to me." Maura watched as Jane wrung her hands together, showing without knowing that she was nervous.

"I'm okay, Jane. I promise you." Maura stepped in front of Jane, being careful not to crowd her. Jane stood from the bed, keeping her eyes closed. Her balance seemed better that way.

"I can't protect you." Jane sounded defeated in her statement. "I can't even protect myself right now."

"Well then, maybe I'll take care of you until you can." Maura wanted to grab a hold of Jane but didn't want to push.

"I'm no good for you, Maura. You're so smart, so beautiful. So fragile." Jane all but whispered her last word.

"I'm alive because of you, Jane. You are too good for me." Maura reached for Jane's hand and was relieved that she seemed to relax at the touch.

"You don't owe me anything. I'm so sorry, Maura. You never should've been involved. Never should've gotten hurt. I'm having a hard time with all of this." Jane's voice cracked as she spoke.

Maura closed the distance between them, wrapping her arms around the wounded detective. Jane could feel Maura's heart beating against her own chest and she knew this was not a mistake. She didn't know what to make of it, but she knew this was something different than she had ever felt before.

Jane groaned as Maura pulled away. "Jane Rizzoli, you are incredibly smart yourself, you know. And I've always thought you were beautiful. Why would you even think I was too good for you?"

Jane missed Maura's contact within the first few seconds of her pulling back. "Well, I…uh…I don't speak French. That takes some serious intelligence. Besides, it just sounds smart."

Maura laughed causing Jane to smile. "You can speak French too, if you really wanted to."

"I do know all the swear words in French." Jane teased hoping to hear Maura's laugh again.

"Good, you can practice your pronunciation with my mother if she ever comes to visit again." Maura took both of Jane's hands in her own. "Let me help you, please, Jane. I need to be able to help you. I need to know you're going to be okay, too."

Jane raised her hand to Maura's face. Maura closed her eyes as Jane gently let her fingers slide over the soft, delicate skin. "I may never be able to see again."

"We'll deal with it, if you'll let me help you." Maura stopped Jane's hands from touching her. "We'll figure all this out together."

Jane tried but couldn't stop the single tear that fell at Maura's words. "I'm scared, Maura. Really scared."

Maura wasn't sure if Jane meant she was scared about her blindness, her career, or her feelings. It didn't matter as long as she continued to talk to her, they'd be okay. "I know, Jane. I know."


	22. Chapter 22

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 22

I don't own R and I.

Jane sat in a wheelchair outside in the heat waiting for Frankie to pull the car up. It felt good to be outside, to feel the sun on her skin. She could feel her body begin to sweat, and she wondered if this heat wave would break any time soon. They were used to hot summers in Boston, but not this hot and not for this long. She wiped the sweat from her face, hoping Frankie had gotten the air conditioner fixed in his car. She vaguely remembered him complaining about it a few weeks back. Jane was tired of being hot, tired or sweating, tired of being tired. She listened to the activity of the outside world wishing she could see something; anything.

A sudden car horn startled her as she quickly raised her hands up to her head. She cursed herself for being so nervous, so timid maybe. Lying in that hospital bed not being able to see was scary enough, but facing such a scary world blind seemed impossible to Jane. She could still feel sharp stabbing pains in her shoulder, but had long since ditched the sling. Too constricting and Jane needed to be able to breathe. Living inside her own head was confining enough.

Jane knew she'd have to wait awhile as parking at the hospital was always a bitch. She didn't mind so much as the sun felt good warming her skin. She shivered suddenly feeling a bit cold despite the sweat that had begun to soak her thin t-shirt. She wished she was feeling better, to feel so cold in this crazy summer heat wave was unacceptable. She dropped her hands into her lap and raised her face toward the sun. She had no control over anything and she wished her mind would just accept it.

She could hear her mother talking with Korsak just a few feet behind her. While the familiar voices were a comfort, her body continued to shake. She realized she wasn't cold at all, despite the light breeze that would occasionally blew strands of her hair across her face. She was anxious, nervous, scared. She was scared of what lie ahead of her now. Her career depended on her recovery, which was frustrating at best right now. Jane had never given it much thought as to what she would do if she weren't Detective Rizzoli. That thought alone was enough to make her notice the slight pain that was beginning to form in her head.

"Jane, how about I move you back out of the sun. You're going to pass out from the heat." Angela Rizzoli was all mom right now and Jane appreciated it, but wanted to be alone. Left alone.

"I'm fine, Ma." Jane's didn't care if her mother heard her or not. It took too much effort to care at this point.

Jane felt the chair begin to move. "Ma! I said no!" Jane hollered which immediately made her head feel worse.

Angela instantly let go of the chair. "I'm sorry, honey. I just thought…"

"I know. It's okay." Jane softened her voice to spare her mother's feelings, but she wanted to be mad. She wanted to take it out on Bradley for using her and betraying her, but she killed him. She wanted to lash out at Benjamin, but they killed him. Just like they almost killed Maura. Just like they did kill Bradley's mother and the other innocent civilians. A mistake. Another mistake. Jane was quickly growing agitated.

"Where the hell is Frankie?" Jane's voice was louder than she wanted it to be, but it served the purpose.

"He's coming Jane. Be patient." Angela was back repositioning Jane's chair out of the son.

"I've been a patient long enough. I'm sick of this." Jane wiped the sweat from her face as she stared straight ahead at nothing. Jane hated leaving Maura behind. The doctors said they wanted to run a few last minute tests before discharging her, nothing to worry about. Jane worried anyway.

It was probably for the best. Jane knew Maura wanted to come to her apartment to help, but she hated the idea of being cared for. Maura was in no condition to take care of anybody; she was still recovering herself.

Jane held onto her brothers arm as she navigated her usual path to her apartment. She took a minute once inside to get her bearings; afraid to walk in any direction. "Frankie, where's the couch?"

Jane knew it was going to be impossible to stay alone. She rested her head against the back of her couch as she listened to Frankie moving around in the kitchen. "Bring me a beer, will ya brother?" Jane laughed at how stupid she sounded, but she didn't care.

Frankie placed the cold bottle in Jane's hand before taking a seat on the couch next to her. He was quiet which prompted Jane to turn toward him. "What's on your mind?"

"Nothing. Everything. This whole mess, it's…crazy. I don't know how to feel about any of it." Frankie realized Jane had yet to open her beer. He pulled it from her grasp, twisting the cap off before returning it.

"Feel alive. It's a wonder any of us are." Jane took a long pull off the bottle.

"Janie, I don't think I'm going to return. This isn't for me." Frankie was glad, just for a minute, that Jane couldn't see him.

"What are you talking about? You were born for this, just like me. You've been through a lot Frankie." Jane took another long pull, definitely preferring this to the damn apple, cranberry and orange juice they forced her to drink in the hospital.

"Maura almost died. You, me, Frost. All because one guy…"

"Frankie, this isn't normal, you know that." Jane reached out for her brother's hand. He met her halfway allowing her to grab it. "Give it some time."

"Feeling okay? Much pain?" Frankie was grateful for this time alone with his sister.

"I'm good. Could use another beer though." Jane polished off her original bottle, leaning forward to place it on the coffee table.

"I don't know, Jane." Frankie knew Jane really wasn't in any shape to be drinking.

"Come on. It's not like I'm gonna drive anywhere. Besides, I want to be drunk when mom gets here and starts fussing over every little thing."

"Cut her a break. She's been through a lot too, you know." Jane felt Frankie leave the couch and listened to see if he was doing as she asked. He was. Such a good little brother. "She's bringing Maura back here when she's released today."

"I don't want Maura here." Jane took the bottle from Frankie when he tapped her arm with it.

"What? Why?" Frankie had returned to his position on the couch. He watched as Jane made fast work of her second beer.

"She's not well. She'll have a nurse come to her home to check on her. She won't rest here." Jane wanted Maura with her more than anything. Not knowing where she was and if she was hurt, took a bigger toll on her than she had even begun to realize.

Jane wished she could see what Frankie was doing as he was suddenly still and quiet. She continued trying to justify her reasons, not that she felt she had to. "Maura was shot in the chest, Frankie. She's better sure, but not strong. She needs to rest."

"I think she's one of the strongest women I know. Definitely the smartest." Frankie's tone was even as he challenged Jane's statements. "She'll know when she needs to rest."

"I just…she's…shit, I don't know." Jane chugged the remaining beer in her second bottle before putting it too on the table in front of them.

"You're scared. That's obvious." Frankie reluctantly followed his sister's gestured order to bring her another.

"I am not scared, I'm…blind. Do you have any idea how much that sucks?" Jane was growing angry now as she started on her third bottle of beer.

"Yeah, well you could be dead. Not sure, but that may suck even more." Frankie set about moving furniture to make it easier for Jane to move about the apartment.

"No, don't move anything. I know where everything is." Jane stood from the couch, debating on whether to make the short trip to the bathroom on her own. "I've got to learn to do this on my own anyway."

Frankie watched Jane carefully as she made her way to the bathroom. He knew she was scared about her future. He knew she was scared about her handicap. He knew she was scared about how she felt about Maura.

Jane stood just outside the bathroom, listening to Frankie on the phone with their mother. She hated that he was telling her not to bring Maura there. She hated that Maura might be upset, but it would be better for the both of them this way. She made her way back to the couch, where Frankie had put the game on. Jane was relieved that her brother was trying to make her feel as at home in her own home as possible. Jane listened to the game wondering if things would ever be okay again. She doubted it and wasn't sure how she felt about anything.

Jane had resorted to lying down on the couch, stretching her legs out over her brothers. She drank way too many beers and was feeling the effects quickly. That was her intentions, maybe she'll sleep away the rest of the day. "You can go, Frankie, I don't need a babysitter."

"Yeah you do." Frankie finished off the beer Jane had abandoned.

"I'm going to be blind forever, are you going to baby sit me forever?" Jane shook her head at the thought.

"I'm here because you decided to get yourself drunk on the first day home from the hospital. The blind part…you're on your own with that." Frankie lightly punched her in her good arm.

Frankie quickly sat up when the door to Jane's apartment opened. He turned to see Angela, followed by Maura. Jane had found a comfortable position that allowed her body to relax and didn't react to her mother's entrance. Frankie watched as Maura quietly made her way in, he hated the worried look she shot at Jane.

"Tanked." Frankie announced.

"I'm not tanked, just tired." Jane kept her eyes closed, she knew it didn't matter if she opened them anyway.

"What were you thinking, Jane. You just got out of the hospital." Angela started collecting the bottles, the clanging of the glass immediately setting Jane off.

"Ma leave them…just leave them." Jane had started to sit up, but quickly decided against it. "Is Maura okay? You got her home okay?"

Maura looked up to meet Frankie's gaze. He shook his head suggesting she didn't say anything. He was hoping Jane would pass out soon and have a change of heart about Maura being there when she woke up.

"She's fine, honey." Angela answered. "Why don't you get into your bed. You'll rest much better there."

Jane ignored her mother's suggestion. "She's not fine. She was shot, remember."

Maura hated that she couldn't say anything to reassure Jane she was okay. She hated that Jane didn't want her there. She hated that they were in a sense deceiving her right then.

Maura had moved closer to the couch, debating on whether or not to challenge Jane's earlier decision. She was startled when Jane quickly sat up, pushing to her feet. "Ma, she shouldn't be alone. You should stay with her, just for a little while."

Maura could see the concern etched into her friend's features. She reached out, taking both of Jane's arms into her hands. "It's okay, Jane. I'm okay."

The room was silent as they all waited for Jane's reaction. She stood still, despite the slight lean to her posture. "Maura, you shouldn't be here." Jane's voice was barely above a whisper. Frankie took his cue and headed for the kitchen where he insisted his mother join him.

"Please, Jane. I want to be here. I want to help you." Maura watched Jane's expressions change with her thoughts.

Jane pulled from Maura's hold and took a stumbling step backwards. "No, you need to be home resting. You were hurt, Maura. You shouldn't have to take care of me."

"I'm okay. How about I let your mother take care of you and I'll just sit with you awhile. Would that be okay, Jane?" Maura took a step toward Jane again, taking her hand in her own.

Jane backed up again, losing her balance in the process. She fell on her left side, feeling the pain in her shoulder as it burned through her entire body. Jane was immediately back on her feet, pissed she fell, angry she hurt, and confused as hell.

"Please go, Maura." Jane worked to control her emotions. "I don't want you to see me like this. I can't even stand up on my own anymore."

"Jane…" Maura's heart was breaking watching Jane doubt herself.

"Get out!" Jane hollered before immediately grabbing her head. She then looked to where she thought Maura was standing. "It's not good for you to be around me. Please just leave."

Frankie was beside Maura at this point and gently guided her away from Jane. "I'll take you home"

Maura pulled away from Frankie and marched up to Jane. She didn't touch her but knew Jane was aware of how close she was. "I'll leave, but I'm not leaving you." Maura glanced at Jane's mother and brother before turning back to Jane. "I don't know what to do for you right now, but I love you, Jane. That's all I know right now."

Jane could hear the tears in Maura's voice. She stood still as she heard her door open and close. The room was quiet as Jane slowly maneuvered her way back to her couch. "What have I done?" Jane dropped her head into her hands.

"You just hurt the one person that accepts you for everything you are and everything you aren't." Angela sat down next to her daughter. "She loves you, Jane and as soon as you accept that, you'll begin to heal."

"She almost died because of me, Ma. I can't hurt her anymore." Jane lied her head back against the couch and prayed she would pass out soon. She wished things were the way they were. She wished like hell that she could run after Maura and tell her she was sorry. She just wished she knew what to do and how to feel.

She just wished she could see again. "I wish I could see her, Ma. That's all I know right now."


	23. Chapter 23

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 23

I don't own R and I.

Jane opened her eyes at the light knocking on her door. She had nearly fallen asleep on the couch despite her mother clanging around in the kitchen.

"Go away!" Jane rolled to face the back of the couch.

"Jane, you don't even know who it is." Angela dried her hands on a towel before reaching for the doorknob.

"Who cares." Jane mumbled to herself as she tried to ignore the headache that was growing stronger. She just wanted to sleep, she was always so tired. She had hoped the beer would relax her enough to allow for a good night's sleep, but it only served to make her grouchy, dizzy and clumsy. She hadn't slept well since before Maura was taken, unless of course being sedated counted.

"Get up Rizzoli." The tone in Korsak's voice made Jane turn immediately.

"What's wrong? Maura okay?" Jane quickly grabbed both sides of her head with her hands.

"If she were here, you'd know." Korsak tapped her legs urging her to sit up straight before sitting down next to her.

"Don't start, Korsak." Jane tried to change the subject. "How's Frost doing?"

"Better than Maura." Korsak watched as Jane flung herself against the back of her couch in frustration. "Jane, she wants to help you."

"She can't. Why can't anybody understand that. She can't help me see, she can't help me forget." Jane pushed to her feet surprising herself at her improved balance. "Vince, she was almost killed because of me. I can't just forget that."

Korsak got to his feet and turned Jane to face him despite the fact that she couldn't make eye contact. "It wasn't because of you. It's because of you she's alive."

Jane stood still allowing for Korsak's hold on her arms to steady her as her balance began to slip. She was startled at the other voice that came from behind Korsak. "Frost? Damn, we do you guys keep doing this to me?"

"Sorry, just wanted to make sure you were okay." Frost approached, replacing Korsak as he took Jane's hands in his. "Partners do that, you know."

"Yeah, I know." Jane flashed back to when Barry had fallen into her, hollering in pain from his gunshot wound. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah, Jane, I'm good." Frost encouraged her to sit down as he took a seat next to her. "Jane…."

Frost wasn't sure of the words he wanted to use. Jane had been through so much that the last thing he wanted to do was upset her in any way. He could tell Jane sensed his frustration.

"Spit it out." Jane sounded so exhausted.

"Maura is hurting too. Her body is healing, but she endured a lot at the hands of Chase and Bradley." Frost spoke softly anticipating a quick reaction from Jane. Instead she was still and quiet. "Never mind being shot, she had to watch Chase hurt you. All of this has been just as hard on her."

"I know that." Jane's voice reflected the anger for what Benjamin and Bradley had done to the both of them. "Of course I know how bad it was for her. She was innocent, but Benjamin used her to hurt me. I hate it. I hate that she got hurt." Jane's voice cracked as she spoke. She fought the tears as she tried to present a tough demeanor to her male colleagues.

"What happened, Korsak? Why would they shoot into the building like that. It was careless." Jane's voice toughened as she decided to focus on the mistake that nearly took Maura's life.

"It's being investigated." Korsak's voice came from across the room throwing Jane who thought he was closer. She sighed out loud as her handicap was causing her to stay confused and frustrated. Jane felt the couch give as Barry got to his feet. She listened as the two men made their way to the door of Jane's apartment.

"She needs you, Jane." Frost's kind voice made Jane flinch inwardly. The truth was Jane needed Maura but was too wrapped up in her own guilt to admit it. Jane listened as the door closed, relieved to be left alone, although she dreading being by herself.

Jane pushed her way to her feet, waiting to get her bearings before making her way to her bedroom. She was determined to be able to function on her own, but was overwhelmed by how challenging it was to simply walk. She felt along the walls until she entered her room. She proceeded purely on memory and was relieved when her knees bumped into the bed. She immediately collapsed, accepting the familiar feel of her own bed. She refused to think about when she was last in this bed, and she refused to allow her mind to replay the phone call she ignored. It seemed so long ago and Bradley had made her feel so good. Then he nearly destroyed her. She never saw it coming, never suspected a thing. How could she not recognize him?

Jane could see clearly as she entered the last room. She felt her heart jump when her eyes fell on Maura's shaking form. She couldn't get to her fast enough, the terrified look on Maura's face breaking Jane's heart. Jane took in Maura's bruises and noticed her lip had been bleeding at some point. They hit her. Why? Why would anyone want to hit Maura Isles? Jane put her gun away while she knelt down in front of Maura, searching her eyes for something, anything to say she was okay. "What did they do to you?"

Jane wiped the sweat from Maura's face with her bare hands, ignoring her own sweat as she felt it run down her face. Maura's voice was frantic as she spoke to Jane; she was scared. Jane took in the red, irritated skin around Maura's wrists as she worked to free her. Jane could feel just how scared her friend was as her trembling arms were strong around her neck. She wished she could just hold Maura until she stopped shaking, but it was too dangerous.

Shoot Maura, you can do it. I know you can do it. Why won't she just shoot the damn gun. Jane held her breath against the pain Benjamin was causing. It hurt so bad, but she had to control the pain. Maura would want to help, that's just who she is. Benjamin will hurt her. He'll kill her just to make Jane pay. Jane's eyes connected with Maura's. She couldn't do it, she was afraid of hitting Jane. It's okay, just try, please Maura. He's killing me here. Jane felt the butt of the gun as it connected with her face. Her vision blurred, her head spun, her body fell. Shit. There was no controlling that reaction. Maura would definitely try to help her now. He'd hurt her if she tried. Benjamin, kill me. Jane could hear her voice as she begged her ghost to focus his attention on her, not Maura.

Jane felt Maura flinch under her body. The gunfire was loud and it seemed to go on forever. She watched Benjamin fall and she listened to the sudden quiet as the assault had stopped almost as quickly as it started. She tried to move, but her body wouldn't cooperate. Maura wasn't moving. She was just scared. Jane understood that. She was a seasoned detective and all this was terrifying to her, so it was easy to see why Maura was frozen in fear.

Jane couldn't see clearly. She could feel the pain, blood and sweat that was keeping her from seeing. Jane tried to touch Maura, to grab a hold of her, but she couldn't reach her. She was bleeding and the blood was flowing from her chest. Jane needed to help her, to hold her. She knew if she could touch her, she could save her. Why won't they let her go to her?

Bradley's voice was so close she could feel his breath on her face. No control Jane. Let me go, I have to help Maura. Jane could feel Bradley's hands as they grasped her body. He wouldn't let her go to Maura. He wouldn't let her have any control. He pinned her hands while she tried to reach for Maura. He was so strong. Her body was so weak. She couldn't see. She could only hear. She could only hear Maura as she screamed her name into the phone.

Bradley kissed her; it was rough, hard. Passion was sometimes too hard. Jane wanted to feel passion that didn't exist. She wanted to know extremes, she wanted to feel love. Bradley was casual, never meant to be more than that. Jane felt Maura's hands on her face. She had soft hands, she was a girly girl no doubt. Maura kissed her, it was anything but rough. Jane could see Bradley, but she couldn't see Maura. She felt Maura's lips against her own, but she couldn't see her. She could feel her and it was overwhelming. So many different emotions threatened to disable Jane as she prayed Maura wouldn't stop. Bradley refused to let her have control; Maura made her lose it.

Jane was scared to death Maura would be hurt by Benjamin. The constant insinuations that they would and did rape her made Jane nearly lose her mind. Why would anyone every want to hurt Maura?

The room was so dark when Jane shot up in bed. She heard a gunshot and her first thought was to grab her gun. She tried to slow her breathing so she could work through her latest headache. She wiped the sweat from her face realizing she had yet another nightmare. She fell back against the pillows and let the tears fall freely. She was so afraid she would hurt Maura. She didn't know what to do, how to act, how to feel. She didn't just want to see Maura, she needed to see her.

"Ma!" Jane listened as she followed her mother's movements through the apartment. "I need help."

Jane shook her head as the humidity was still so present even in late night hours. She found herself longing for the winter as the summer heat was a constant reminder of how her world was so out of control. She listened to her mother drive off before making her way up to Maura's front door. It was late, but hopefully Maura wouldn't turn her away. She doubted she could take it if Maura rejected her now.

"Jane." Maura's voice was guarded; Jane knew that was her fault.

"I'm sorry, Maur. Can I come in?" Jane jumped slightly at Maura's touch as she guided her into her house.

"Are you okay?" Of course Maura's would ask that.

"No." Jane was scared of how she was feeling. She worried how bad she had hurt Maura by turning her away earlier that day. "I…I'm sorry for waking you. I…I uh, needed to come."

"I'm glad you did. Come on, you look exhausted." Maura guided Jane toward her bedroom. She helped her lie down on the bed before climbing in beside her. Maura glanced over at Jane who stared at nothing.

"You can turn the lights off. I didn't mean to wake you." Jane's voice held a hint of nervousness that Maura easily picked up on.

"Did you need to talk?" Maura didn't have the heart to tell Jane she never put the lights on.

"No." Jane's voice was weak and defeated. "I just didn't want to be alone. Okay?"

"Okay." Maura settled down allowing her hand to rest against Jane's arm. She lied still listening to the comforting sound of Jane's breathing. She wondered if Jane had fallen asleep that fast, it wouldn't have surprised her is she did. The room was silent, but Maura relaxed into it. She was pleased that Jane wanted to come to her.

"Why didn't you take the shot?" Jane's voice was so low she barely got all the words out.

Maura hesitated, wondering how best to answer. She knew why she hadn't taken the shot. "I couldn't, Jane. What if I had missed?"

"Then you would've missed." Jane believed Maura was capable of hitting Benjamin had she tried.

"What if I hit you?" Maura voice cracked just a little causing Jane to turn towards her. Jane reached out, carefully reaching for Maura's face.

"What if you did. Bullets can't kill me, obviously." Jane smiled as Maura let out a half laugh, half sob. "Now this blindness, it's killing me, Maur."

"I'm sure it's hard, Jane. You've got to let us help you." Maura held Jane's hand in her own as she raised up on one elbow. "I want to help you."

"I need to be able to see you. I don't think you understand how bad I want to see you." Jane's voice was deep and low. Maura hated the vulnerability she heard in the usually self assured detective.

Maura took a chance and moved in to kiss Jane. She needed to feel Jane as much as Jane needed to see her.


	24. Chapter 24

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 24

I don't own R and I.

Jane focused on lying perfectly still. Her movements were often too loud as the pain in her head seemed to intensify with any activity at all. She was beginning to worry that something was wrong and that denying the pain would eventually cost her. She could hear Maura's breathing change as she fell into a deep sleep. Jane was glad that Maura could relax enough to be able to get her rest. She hated that Maura was so concerned with Jane's recovery that she tended to neglect her own needs. More guilt, more shame.

The grandfather clock sounded three times from the other room. Maura didn't respond at all to the noise, obviously being accustomed to the hourly announcements. Jane wondered if the clock was that loud, or was she just that sensitive. Jane was relieved that it was only three in the morning, praying she would sleep before the clock sounded again. It hurt to hear it, it hurt to feel it. Jane hadn't intended to, but she had hurt Maura again. She could only lie next to this woman and wonder how somebody so physically wounded could be so mentally and emotionally strong.

Jane wanted to enjoy Maura's kiss; she wanted to understand why she felt such a connection with her. She tried to ignore the pain, tried to concentrate on how it felt to be so close to Maura. She was afraid Maura would misunderstand when she pulled away and she was right. Jane was frustrated that Maura instantly felt rejected when she stopped her, but she couldn't blame her. She couldn't tell Maura that her headache was back and the simplest movements caused such pain behind her eyes. She knew how Maura would insist she get back to the hospital and Jane couldn't stand the thought of being confined to a hospital bed again.

So she lied still, breathing only when she had to so as to not hurt too much. She felt selfish, knowing that she had hurt Maura again. Jane couldn't see her, but she could definitely hear her. Maura had tried to comfort Jane as she apologized, saying she understood how it was just too much right now. Jane could hear how Maura's voice was almost forced when she had said goodnight. It was a very small variation, but Jane picked up on it clearly. Maura believed Jane wasn't comfortable with her advances, but the reality was Jane wasn't comfortable period. She was still so confused as to how she could need Maura in so many ways, but be so afraid of what she was feeling for her friend when she was this close.

Jane was startled by Maura's voice as she pleaded with Bradley in her sleep. Maura called him Drayson, but it was definitely Jane's Bradley that was causing Maura's sleep to become restless. Jane listened carefully, only picking up on a few words that made any sense. She had hoped Maura would wake herself from her nightmare, hating that she had to relive any of their horrific experience.

"Maura, hey." Jane reached out, relieved that Maura had moved a bit closer to her while she had slept. Jane could feel Maura was sweating slightly as she let her hand skim the side of Maura's face. It took a few long seconds before Jane was able to pull Maura from what was obviously a terrifying nightmare.

Jane listened carefully as Maura mumbled something about the gun. Jane could feel Maura move even closer to her, resting her hand on Jane's forearm. Jane was careful not to react to her touch; Maura obviously needed the contact right now. Jane rolled Maura's words around in her head while she listened to her friend fall back into a deep sleep. Maura was upset about not taking the shot. The very thing they had talked about before Maura had kissed her. Jane sighed out loud as the guilt only intensified with the headache. She had obviously made Maura upset by asking her why she hadn't taken the shot on Benjamin.

Jane carefully placed her free hand over the top of Maura's hand as it rested on her arm. It seemed everything Jane said or did upset Maura despite the fact Maura tried to hide it. Jane knew she was a hard person to understand, a difficult person to work with and at times impossible to deal with. She could only wonder why somebody like Maura Isles would subject herself to somebody like Jane Rizzoli.

Jane slammed the phone down in frustrated anger. Nobody would take her seriously and it was pissing her off. She was still a Boston Homicide detective, yet she couldn't get anybody to talk to her about what went down in the train station.

"Jane, it's not worth all this. You're getting yourself upset for no reason." Frost had agreed to help her, but was reconsidering as he watched his partner stress over something they couldn't change.

"No reason?" Jane stared Frost down with such a glare that made the younger detective wonder if she hadn't regained her vision and then some. "I think Maura getting nearly killed is reason enough to demand some answers."

"I didn't mean it like that. We can't change what happened." Frost spoke carefully realizing Jane was on the verge of losing it. "Besides we are both still on medical leave…"

"Barry, they jeopardized our safety by moving in too soon. Somebody jumped the gun and I want to know who." Jane cringed as her own voice caused her head to throb. "It was the same kind of mistake that caused all this to begin with. Bradley's mother was one of the victims then and this time it was nearly Maura."

Frost watched as Jane tried to hide the pain she was in. He had asked her once already and was ignored, he debated about whether she would answer him this time either. "Jane, maybe we need to get you back to the hospital."

"I'm fine, Frost." Jane was preoccupied, which helped her ignore the pain until it demanded her attention. "Korsak won't say much about what happened at the station. He knows more than he's willing to say."

"Jane! Enough already." Barry was uneasy with Jane's obsession with placing the blame on somebody, anybody. "Maura is okay. The doctors say she will make a full recovery. Why are you doing this?"

Jane was stopped by her partners strong words. She stood still next to her couch, allowing it to give her support. She rubbed her temples before speaking in a very low, soft voice. Barry moved closer to her realizing that she was in more pain than she would ever admit.

"I had him, Barry. I shot Bradley and I could've shot Benjamin too. They moved in too soon and Maura got shot by our own people. Why is this no big deal to you?" Jane's voice cracked just a bit as she demanded an answer from her nervous partner.

"Jane, you didn't have your gun. When Benjamin had Maura, you didn't have your gun and you couldn't even stand up. I'm surprised you could even see me, your eye was so messed up." Barry moved closer to Jane placing his hands on her arms. "Jane, you didn't have him. If fact, my guess is he was only seconds from shooting you. You were defenseless. They had to move in."

Jane slowly pulled from her partner's light grasp. "No, they didn't have to. They didn't consider Maura at all. They just shot into the room blinded. How could they do that. They fucking shot her, Frost."

Barry instantly grabbed hold of Jane as she crumbled to her knees. He had never seen his partner cry before; Rizzoli was as tough as they came. It nearly broke him to feel her sob against his chest. He didn't want to, but his mind replayed just how strong Jane had been from the beginning. The physical strength and endurance she displayed in her efforts to find Maura. The emotional and physical pain she endured and withstood as she faced both Bradley and his father. He let her cry now, she deserved to be able to let it out.

Jane held her head with her hands, squeezing her eyes tight against the pain. "Barry, my head…"

"I'm going to call for help, Jane. You're getting worse."

"No! They'll put me in the hospital. I can't go back there. What if Maura gets worse." Jane's voice was weak as she knew she was losing her battle against her headache from hell.

"Come on, get up." Barry helped Jane over to her couch where he helped her lie down.

"I just need to sleep some. Don't call anybody, Frost." Jane held her head as she forced her eyes to stay closed.

Barry hated this. He couldn't betray Jane, but he couldn't let her suffer either. There was obviously something very wrong for Jane to be in so much pain. He left the room and called for help anyway.

Jane had seemed to fall into a very restless sleep by the time Maura had arrived. Jane hadn't talked to her in the two days since she left her house, once again pushing her away. Maura had responded to the nervousness in Barry's voice and immediately came to see Jane.

The concerned look on Maura's face told Frost he did the right thing by calling somebody. He knew how Jane was avoiding Maura, but he also knew how much she needed her. Maura knelt down so that she was level with Jane who hadn't moved from the couch since breaking down.

"Jane, can you hear me?" Maura asked softly placing her hand on Jane's forehead. Jane was burning up and this alarmed Maura. She motioned for Frost to call for an ambulance.

"I'm blind, Maur, not deaf." Jane was angry that Frost ignored her when she said not to call anybody.

Maura absorbed Jane's anger as she studied her face. The bruising had all but disappeared, but pain was etched deep within her features. "Jane, talk to me, please. Your headache is worse, I take it?"

"I'm just tired. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't forget." Jane spoke as if she realized how rude she was to Maura, once again letting her own frustrations hurt her friend.

Maura moved in closer to Jane so that she spoke directly into her ear. "I can't forget either. I can't forget what he did to you. I can't forget how hard you tried. I can't forget how we all made it because of you."

Jane seemed to relax just a little at the closeness of Maura as she spoke to her. Maura's voice always seemed to have a calming effect on her. "They shot you, Maur. It didn't matter what I did, they shot you. Our own people."

Maura looked up at Frost who simply shrugged. He then made his way out the door to direct the EMTs up to Jane's apartment. "They shot Benjamin too. He was going to shoot you, Jane. I know he was only seconds away from doing just that. I'm okay, he is not."

Jane grabbed Maura's hand with both of hers. "I'm sorry, Maura. I should've…I wish…If I had…"

Maura placed her finger on Jane's lips. "You did everything right. I'm okay, but you're not, Jane." Maura nervously looked up as the paramedics made their way in. "Please lets get you checked out."

Jane tried to sit up to protest against what she knew would be a trip back to the hospital. Her efforts failed as the pain was quickly becoming disabling. Maura was quickly back whispering to Jane trying to calm her. "Please, Jane. I can't lose you. I need you, please let them take care of you."

Jane settled down enough to allow the paramedics to assess her and prepare her for transport. Jane could barely talk now as any movement at all caused almost unbearable pain. She had yet to let go of Maura's hand, refusing even when Maura knew they had to go.

"Don't leave me, Maur. Don't die on me." Jane let go then, leaving Maura to watch as she was taken out of her apartment.

"She's going to pissed at me." Frost tried to lighten the mood just a bit as it looked like Maura was close to losing it as well.

"I hope so." Maura whispered as she sat down on the couch where Jane had been just minutes earlier. She knew she had to get to the hospital, but couldn't quite make herself move.

"You alright, Doc." Frost knew she wasn't. None of them were.

"I will be. When Jane is." Maura then got to her feet and prepared to head back to the hospital.


	25. Chapter 25

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 25

I don't own R and I.

Jane couldn't remember the last time she felt so tired. Her legs felt heavy and her arms virtually useless as she felt every imperfection in the road as the ambulance made it's way to the hospital. The sirens were loud, too loud, so loud. Jane wished they would stop and it was all she could do to get the attention of the paramedic that was closest to her. "The sirens…" Jane gave up as soon as she began. Too much movement.

The relief that followed when the sirens were silenced caused Jane to begin to fade out. She had had enough and knew she had no control over what was to happen next. She wondered if Maura had come with. Jane knew she had upset Maura again by shutting her out, but she also knew Maura was way better off without her. She attracted psychos, a job hazard that came with the territory. Maura would always be in danger if she was around Jane. Benjamin and Bradley both proved that.

Jane wanted to scream out as the ambulance bounced. She prayed she would just pass out, staying conscious hurt too much and she was tired of hurting. She tried to picture Maura in her mind, but all she could see was the hurt in her eyes. Maura was so good at taking Jane's anger, Jane's frustration and Jane's mood swings. She was so good at knowing what to say and when to say it. Jane was forced to listen to Maura carefully due to her present condition and she could hear the pain she was causing her friend. Maybe this was best for everybody. Jane forced her body still which helped with the pain. She heard less and less as her body finally relaxed enough. Her last thought was of Maura and the fact that she would never see her again. I'm sorry, Maur, but I've got to go. I can't do this anymore. Jane felt the ambulance shift once again and with it the pain resumed. Jane wished there was something that would relieve this, but was convinced nothing short of dying would.

Jane tried once again to let go, to let herself fade out. She was able to pull up a picture of Maura in her mind and it was enough. Maura needed her, the look on her face back at the train station told Jane just how much. Jane relaxed at the sight of Maura that she had been so desperate for. She relaxed as she watched herself pull Maura to her to undo her wrist restraints. She breathed easier as she felt Maura's arms around her neck. It was after that that she finally let go. The darkness was darker and the constant noise had since faded away. Jane hated what she was putting Maura through. That woman didn't deserve any of what Jane was dishing out to her. Yet she refused to allow Jane to push her away.

Maura made her way into the hospital and was directed immediately to where they were working on Jane. Jane had been in and out of consciousness since her arrival and each time she woke it was with more agitation than the time before. Maura took a deep breath as she took in the sight before her when she entered the exam room. Jane was frantically pulling at the I.V needle that was just recently placed into her arm. She held her head with one hand and fought against the nurses who tried to restrain her with the other. Maura knew the best thing for Jane right now was to pass out and she realized the purpose of the I.V. then. They were once again going to sedate her. Maura figured they would want to get a look at what was going on within Jane's head.

"Jane." Maura was careful to keep her voice at a level she felt Jane would respond to. "Jane, please. You have to calm down."

Maura watched carefully as Jane did hear her and did respond. "Maura, don't let them put me out. Please don't put me out." Jane was truly scared as Maura let her grab onto her arms with both hands.

"Jane, honey, listen to me." Maura leaned over so that she was talking directly into Jane's ear. She squeezed her hands within her own as she tried to make Jane understand what was happening. "They need to find out why so much pain. Okay, we're going to make this stop for you, but you have to help."

"I can't Maura. I can't stand this any more. He won, okay. I give up, he won." Jane could feel the tears as they soaked her face, then she felt Maura's hands move to her face as well.

"No, he didn't win. You did, Jane. Now we have to make you better. Please, just relax. Let the doctors take care of you." Maura stayed in close, knowing Jane was responding to her proximity. "Please, Jane. I can't lose you."

Maura could tell Jane was losing the battle against the sedative quickly. She felt Jane's hands lose their grip on her arms. Maura glanced up at the doctors who were preparing to move Jane for her scan. "Jane, I love you. I know you can hear me. I love you and I need you." Maura was now crying as well not caring who saw, who heard.

Jane hated how she always managed to hurt Maura. She knew Maura wouldn't know if Jane had indeed heard her. Maura wouldn't know that she loved her as well. She must love her. Why else would she be so upset that Maura was hurting. Jane wanted to reach out for Maura as she pulled from her. Her body wouldn't respond. The last thing she would hear is Maura tell her she loved her. The last thing she would feel would be Maura's hands. And still, still she couldn't see her.

Frost had arrived followed closely by Korsak. Angela and Frankie had both come in just as Maura had returned to the waiting room. Angela immediately embraced Maura as she took the younger woman in her arms.

"What is it, Doc." Frost was alarmed at Maura's tears and needed to know what was wrong with his partner.

Maura pulled away from Angela giving Jane's mother a weak smile. "They don't know yet. They're going to do a scan to see what's causing the pain." Maura wiped her face as she quickly composed herself. It only took Maura a few seconds to realize all eyes were on her as Jane's family knew Maura had her own opinions as to what was wrong.

Frankie took a few steps closer to Maura before taking her hands in his. "What's wrong with Janie?"

"I don't know, Frankie." Maura continued when Jane's brother gave her a look that said he knew better. "She's experiencing a lot of pain, probably a brain injury."

"Do you think that's what's causing her blindness?" Frankie never took his eyes from Maura.

"I think it's all related yes. She was hit very hard by…when we were…" Maura let her thoughts trail off as she turned away from the group.

Angela quickly led Maura over to the chairs and encouraged her to sit. "You're not well either, Maura. You need to try to take it easy."

Maura let herself fall into the chair. She didn't feel well, but she knew it was nothing like what Jane was going through. Now that there was a bit of down time, Maura could feel the burn in her chest. She slowly shook her head as she thought about what Jane had had to do to save her. She thought about how Benjamin had tortured her. It wasn't fair. Life wasn't fair and once again the reminder was in their faces.

Frankie and Frost had taken a seat on either side of Maura. Frost was still dealing with the effects of his gunshot wound and Frankie was still not a hundred percent either. Angela was trying to be strong, trying to use Maura as her guide. Maura knew how bad this was and she was trying herself to hold it together. Korsak kept his arm securely around Angela realizing how close she was to losing it.

"I need the next of kin for Detective Rizzoli." Everybody had been so lost with their own thoughts that nobody had noticed the attending physician enter the waiting room. Frankie got to his feet and was immediately by his mother's side. Maura sat frozen in place as Angela took a few hesitant steps toward the doctor.

"We've found a small bleed on Jane's brain, most likely from the blunt force trauma she suffered a few weeks ago." Angela's shifted her gaze to Maura before returning to focus on the doctor. "We need to operate now to relieve the pressure on her brain."

"Brain surgery? Are there any other options?" Korsak wasn't liking what he was hearing.

"In my opinion, no. Time is of the essence, so we need the go ahead." Angela knew this decision was on her, but she felt paralyzed with fear. She looked back at Maura once again. Maura had gotten to her feet by this time and was making her way towards the group. She shook her head slightly at Angela who then instantly turned to the doctor giving him the go ahead he needed.

Maura watched the doctor leave as quickly as he had appeared. She wasn't at all surprised that surgery was necessary. Her heart felt heavy and her breathing shallow. Frost was quickly behind her, guiding her to sit once again. He didn't even bother asking her if she wanted to go home, despite the fact she was looking weak and pale.

"Brain surgery? That's awful risky." Korsak looked from Angela to Maura. Angela looked as pale as Maura at this point.

"It's just as risky if they don't operate." Maura stared ahead at the wall in front of them. "She probably wouldn't have made it through the night." The realization brought more silent tears, prompting Angela to come to her.

"Come on, Maura. You know how strong and tough Janie is. She'll pull through this too." Frankie knew now how much Maura cared for his sister and he hated how scared she was right now. They were all scared and worried about Jane and he knew there were no words that would change that.

Angela had returned with coffee for all of them only to find Maura sleeping against Frankie's shoulder. Frost was losing his battle with fatigue as well as he slouched in his chair. "It's going to be a while, I'm sure. Maura needs to rest at home, she's still so weak." Angela spoke to Korsak as if she expected him to be able to convince her to go home.

"I'd have to take her out in cuffs. She's not leaving Jane and you know that as well as I do." Korsak took off his jacket and draped it gently over Maura's shoulders. He smiled at Frankie who was intentionally holding his position as to not wake Maura. He handed him a coffee after reading the concern in the younger Rizzoli's eyes.

Korsak took his place next to Angela as they sat in silence waiting. Three hours had gone by with one update saying that the surgery was going well. It was a small glimmer of hope that they all held onto. Another couple of hours passed without word causing the anxious detectives to start questioning the hospital staff. They were assured somebody would update them as soon as possible.

"No news is good news at this point." Korsak tried to keep the groups' spirits up.

"I'm not so sure about that." Maura had awoken and was struggling to get to her feet.

"Easy." Frankie had found himself extra protective of Maura. Jane would be proud of him and that was always so important to him to have Jane's approval. He took hold of Maura's arm to help steady her.

"It's been six hours since they took her in. We should be hearing something soon." Maura looked at her watch with a very concerned look on her face. She took a cup of coffee that had since grown cold. Maura nearly dropped the coffee as almost on cue the surgeon had appeared, flanked by the original doctor.

He waited until Frost and Korsak joined the others before speaking. "Detective Rizzoli…"

"Call her Jane, please." Today Angela was hating that Jane was a police officer.

"Jane." the surgeon nodded at Angela. "We were able to find and repair the bleed. She's was very lucky to get in here when she did."

Frost was behind Maura squeezing her shoulders. "It's in Jane's best interest at this time to be placed in a medically induced coma which we have done. We need to give her every opportunity to heal at this point and keeping her still and quiet is imperative."

"Is she going to be…will she be able…" Angela struggled with her thoughts.

"We won't know until she wakes up what damage has been done, if any." The surgeon was very matter of fact which caused Maura to speak up.

"Do you know yet about her vision?" Maura's voice was rough and it caused her to clear her throat numerous times. Professionalism was important, but the doctors weren't expecting that from any of Rizzoli's family.

"We won't know until she wakes, Doctor Isles. She is stable at this point and resting in a private room where she will be monitored closely." The doctors looked at each of them, asking silently for any other questions.

"Can we see her?" Frankie asked what was on everybody's mind.

"One at a time, and keep it brief." They shook hands with Korsak and Frost and turned away leaving Angela ready to collapse.

"Ma, come on, sit down." Frankie tended to his mother while he motioned for Maura to go see Jane.

Maura was anxious to see Jane, despite the fact she would be unconscious. She entered Jane's room to the all too familiar sounds of monitors. She smiled briefly at the attending nurse before moving closer to Jane's side. She looked so weak and vulnerable, two words that one would never use to describe Jane Rizzoli.

Maura took in the ventilator that was breathing for Jane and the white bandage that circled her head. She knew Jane would be pleased that they didn't have to shave her head for the surgery. Maura let her fingers trace the scar on Jane's hand as it lay lifeless by her side. She knew only time would tell if Jane would be able to see again. Maura refused to think about what other complications could present themselves from the surgery or the injury itself.

The sound of the ventilator was consistent. It seemed loud, but the noise wouldn't bother Jane, not for awhile at least. Maura closed her eyes, letting the sound of Jane's assisted breathing give her hope. Jane was alive and right now that was good news.


	26. Chapter 26

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 26

I do not own R and I.

Detective Barry Frost tried to keep his stance solid as he watched Maura through the window to Jane's room. His leg was weak from where he took a bullet a few weeks earlier. He had never felt such pain as he had when the bullet exploded into his thigh. He used to wonder how being shot would feel, now he knew. He had been lucky, this he knew, to have made it for as long as he had without any serious injury. Until now. His injury was serious, but he would be okay. He would most likely walk with a limp for a while, but that was nothing compared to what his partner would have to deal with. It was the not knowing that was killing him right now. He didn't even know if Jane would still be his partner, or if she was coming back at all for that matter.

Barry watched Jane's still form as she lay helpless, weak, vulnerable. He would never use those words to describe Jane Rizzoli. She took care of him, in her own way, as his partner. Korsak was pissed when Jane wanted a new partner; she had her reasons. Barry was green to say the least, but he learned hard and he learned fast teamed with Jane. She expected tough, she expected thorough and it was important to Frost that he was just that for her, for himself. He was a detective with the Boston Homicide Division. He earned that title, that position. He lucked out when he was partnered with Rizzoli. He knew this early on in their partnership as she would make excuses for him while he vomited upon arriving on a crime scene. She had no patience for a rookie, but she had compassion for her friends. Barry liked that she treated him more like a friend than a colleague.

Jane had been a mess from the minute she found out Maura had been taken. She struggled to stay professional, focused while she was being challenged physically to perform at an insane level. He knew Jane and Maura were close, they were always together. He would never try to decipher their relationship, woman were too complicated in his opinion to even try. Barry watched Maura as she spoke softly to Jane. He found it comforting in an odd way that it wasn't he that was expected to speak to Jane right now. He wouldn't know what to say, and even with that he didn't want to know what Maura was saying to his partner right now.

"You should probably sit down before you fall down." Korsak's gruff voice startled Frost as he hadn't realized how lost he was in his thoughts.

"I'm good." Frost voice said differently and despite his own exhaustion, Korsak picked up on the subtle hint.

"You know, she'll be in a coma for quite a while. They'll tell us when we can expect her to wake and it won't be for days I'm sure." Korsak watched the younger detective as he stared into Jane's room. He was proud of the Jane's partner, he held it together enough to get the help into that train room just in time. He held his own during a very difficult investigation while they battled the weather, emotions and fatigue that threatened them all. He stood up to his partner, refusing to ignore the symptoms she was experiencing despite her direct orders to not call for help. In more ways than one he had her back and he did right by her.

Frost limped away, deciding maybe he would go on home. Korsak was right, Jane would be out for days. He turned catching Korsak staring into the room in much the same way he had just been earlier. "Korsak, you ever have trouble sleeping at night?"

"Only when somebody wakes me up." Korsak dismissed Jane's partner with a flip answer. "What's bothering you kid?"

"Nothing…everything…." Frost gave up, shaking his head as he headed towards the elevator.

Korsak rarely slept through the night. He had had a long career, seen a lot, seen too much. His thoughts had been consumed with Jane and how quickly she had earned her way through to detective. She worked hard, proved herself time and time again. She had been promoted soon after the incident with Bradley's mother at the bank, but not because of it. Benjamin believed Jane had been awarded for the tragedy that killed his wife among others, but the reality was Jane was lucky to make it out alive. An error on the side of the police caused things to get out of control quickly.

Korsak knew Jane was upset about how they entered the train room. She was aware that Maura had been shot by one of their own, another error on the part of the police. He knew how Jane would want answers, want to blame someone. She needed to find a way to channel the frustration and anger at nearly losing Maura despite her best efforts to save her, to protect her. He thought back to how Maura had chosen to share with him her true feelings for Jane. It probably was obvious to everyone who knew the two of them. He laughed to himself when he recalled how oblivious Jane was to what he was telling her. She was unaware of Maura's feelings, even being quick to deny them. She had no clue how her actions throughout the search and then after showed just how much she cared for Maura as well.

Maura turned to meet Korsak's eyes before he could turn away. She was scared, he could tell with their brief wordless exchange. He wanted to pull away, instantly sorry for interrupting. He instead held Maura's gaze, she needed him to. It was then that he was certain Maura knew what she was saying to him when she originally confessed her feelings for Jane. Korsak had wondered given her condition if she was confused, traumatized, or delirious. If he still wondered, the look on Maura's face answered every question he may have wanted to ask. Maura was fading fast, but Korsak knew he would play hell getting her to leave Jane.

Korsak watched as Maura turned back to Jane. He could hear the gunfire, hear the hollering, hear the silence. His mind took him back. Back to what he first saw when he entered the hot, stale train room. Jane was trying in vain to pull herself off of Maura, but could barely move. Her face was covered with blood, her shirt as well. It wasn't until she saw that Maura had been shot that she lost it. As injured as Jane was, Korsak still had to struggle to keep her from Maura as the medics rushed in.

"Maura looks like she's about to pass out any minute." Korsak was pulled from the horrible scene by Angela's unique voice.

"Maybe you could convince her to get some rest. You women have a way that us guys…uh, you know, she won't…" Korsak tripped over his words as his eyes pleaded with Jane's mother for help.

Angela rubbed Korsak's back as she looked in on her daughter. She wished her Jane had chosen a safer career, but that wasn't who Jane was. Frankie was no different. He looked up to his sister and chose the same career, leaving Angela to worry about her children daily. Not unlike any other mother, but as she stared at her daughter she wondered how long before she lost one or the other.

"I'll see what I can do." Angela watched as Korsak turned to leave. She knew how much he cared about Jane. She also knew how hard this whole situation had been on Korsak, yet he managed to stay strong for all of them.

Maura returned to the hospital early each morning after leaving late and catching what amounted to a long nap each night. Jane's condition hadn't changed, but she hadn't expected it to. Maura could only hope this was the best plan of recovery for Jane and she knew there would be no way of knowing until she woke. She was both relieved and nervous when it was announced they would start weaning Jane from the medication that kept her in the medically induced coma.

It had been five days, yet Maura was unsure as to exactly what day of the week it was. It didn't really matter, her leave wouldn't be up for quite some time and she accepted that nothing mattered if Jane wasn't okay. Maura knew Jane was struggling with unwarranted guilt. She knew Jane was confused as to her feelings and she knew Jane was frustrated by her handicap. Add the physical injuries and now the surgery, Maura was beyond worried about her friend; her hero.

Maura entered Jane's room, taking her seat by the bed as had become her routine. She opened the morning paper preparing to bring Jane up to speed on the day to day of Boston. She knew Jane wasn't hearing her and if she could hear, she probably didn't care right now how many murders made the papers this week. Maura started with the sports page, actually smiling when she saw the Red Sox had pulled out a win in the bottom of the ninth. She could care less, but she knew Jane would be happy about that.

Maura watched intently as the breathing tube was removed. Except for the routine massages to Jane's limbs by her nurses, she had been still for so long that Maura was beginning to believe that Jane would never wake up. "Bullets can't kill me." Jane's words as she lied next to her in her bed, echoed in Maura's head as she watched Jane breathing on her own as the medication was reduced. Maura knew it wouldn't be long and they would know the full extent of the damage Jane had suffered at the hands of Benjamin Chase.

Jane was carefully monitored as her body had yet to respond to the slow reduction of medication. The weaning process was nerve wracking, causing Maura to feel the effects of the stress in her chest. She held Jane's hand tightly in her own as she tried to remember how things were before Drayson, before Benjamin. It seemed like so long ago when she realized Jane was seeing somebody. She felt betrayed, although there was no betrayal on Jane's part. Jane had simply chosen not to share. Maura couldn't help but see the look in Jane's eyes when she realized the man that was threatening her was Bradley. It was then that Maura realized the man she knew as Drayson was the man Jane had kept hidden from her. Maura then felt the drop in her stomach as it was revealed that Jane had been intimate with Bradley.

Maura remembered worrying if Jane would be able to keep it together as she felt Bradley's grip around her neck tighten while he talked with Jane. It was when Jane's eyes shifted to hers that she realized there was no doubt about Jane's commitment. She could almost see Jane file away the betrayal and the fear to deal with later as she focused on Bradley with her gun out in front of her.

The sound of gunfire scared Maura, but watching Jane slide down the wall across the room terrified her that much more. Jane was so strong and so tough, yet she couldn't hide the pain as the bullet settled into her shoulder. Yet still she fought, still she begged as Benjamin threatened. Maura would've done anything to stop Benjamin from hurting Jane, but all she could do was watch as the butt of his gun slammed into Jane's face. That had to be the blow that hurt Jane so badly. Yet still she fought, still she tried. Maura remembered how Jane struggled to see even then. The blood, the sweat, the pain.

Maura met the gaze of Jane's doctor as he contemplated throwing her out. The relief when he chose to ignore her presence was quickly replaced by nerves as Jane slowly began to move her head from side to side. She had yet to open her eyes, yet to fully awake. Maura's mood changed repeatedly as Jane tried numerous times throughout the day to wake. It was early evening before Jane began to stir yet again. Maura watched carefully as the doctors as well as the nurses tried to convince Jane to respond.

Jane opened her eyes fast only to close them quickly. She seemed to wince in pain and Maura could only hold her breath as Jane's doctor continued to urge her to try again. Jane opened her eyes again, this time much slower as she grabbed the bedrail to her right. Maura wanted to go to Jane but knew she needed her doctor more right now. She instead stayed far enough back to be out of the way, but close enough to study Jane as the results of her surgery were revealed.


	27. Chapter 27

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 27

I don't own R and I.

Maura could feel her chest tighten as she looked between the nurses and doctors that were gathered around Jane's bed. Jane seemed anxious, nervous even as she tried to keep her eyes closed despite her doctor's encouragement to open them.

"Give her more time, she's not fully awake yet." Maura heard Jane's doctor set the order as one of Jane's nurses moved around to tend to Jane's I.V. This gave Maura a clear view of Jane as she seemed to relax slightly with her doctors words. She watched as Jane gripped the bedrail on her right side tightly with her right hand. She then let go of it only to grasp it again. Maura wondered if Jane was in pain, as she couldn't be sure as to exactly what was going on. Jane wasn't speaking or even trying to. She was quiet despite her animated motions.

Maura wanted to grab the doctor's arm and force him to do something. She instead watched him quietly as he seemed oblivious to Jane's distress. "Jane." Finally he was going to do something. Maura felt nervous relief as Jane's doctor moved in closer to her. "Jane, I need you to open your eyes."

"No." Jane's voice sounded foreign prompting Maura to take a few steps towards her best friend. She stopped when Dr. Reynolds eyed her approaching. It was as if he had forgotten she was in the room and Maura found herself praying he wouldn't ask her to leave. Not now. She wasn't sure what was happening, but she was certain Jane needed her.

"Slowly, Jane. Open your eyes." Dr. Reynolds motioned for Maura to come to Jane's side. He nodded towards her hand and Maura gently pried it from the rail. She jumped at the frantic way Jane grabbed onto her hand, realizing instantly the fear Jane was feeling. Maura used her other hand to gently rub the back of Jane's hand as the doctor continued to prompt her. Jane's grip on Maura's hand relaxed slightly with the contact, causing Maura to realize Jane was responding to her. She wanted to speak to her, to comfort her, but thought better of it when Dr. Reynolds shook his head at her.

"I can't. Hurts too much." Jane's voice was dry, rough sounding. Maura squeezed her hand as she watched the interaction between Jane and her doctor.

"What's hurting you, Jane. Talk to me. Tell me what hurts." Dr. Reynold's voice was very deep, but very comforting as well. Maura was pleased with his bedside manner as she intently watched Jane's face for her reaction.

"My head hurts." Jane sounded sleepy, but she continued grasping and releasing Maura's hand as she spoke. Maura looked up at Dr. Reynolds as he prompted her to keep talking. "My arm, my head."

"Open your eyes and look at me. I need to know if you can see me." Dr. Reynolds glanced at Maura before watching Jane as she slowly began to follow his orders.

Jane grasped Maura's hand tight as she slowly opened her eyes. She quickly closed them as she turned her head to the left. She opened them again, this time leaving them open a bit longer before closing them again. Jane turned toward the doctor's voice as he prompted her to try again. "Talk to me, Jane." Dr. Reynolds wasn't going to let Jane rest until he was able to access where she was in her recovery process.

"My head hurts. I'm tired." Jane closed her eyes after speaking.

"No, no, Jane. Not yet, okay. What are you seeing? Talk to me." Maura was amazed at the patience level this top surgeon was displaying, grateful for his ability to keep Jane trying.

"It hurts to see. It's too bright." Dr. Reynolds flashed a smile at a very concerned Maura. Jane had gone from total darkness to painful brightness. He'd take it. "Everything's blurry."

"Okay, Jane. Relax." Jane seemed to do just that as she let her eyes fall closed once again. They remained closed this time and Maura could feel Jane's grip loosening as she realized Jane had drifted off. She gently placed Jane's hand on the bed by her side before following Dr. Reynolds from the room.

"Dr.?" Maura wanted to be relieved that Jane's condition had changed but was still very much worried about the pain she described.

Dr. Reynolds looked suddenly tired as he prepared his words carefully for Maura. "I'm pleased with the progress Jane has made. It'll take some time, but I truly believe she'll regain full visual capabilities."

Maura wanted to feel relief, but couldn't help but sense there was more. She waited patiently as Dr. Reynolds decided what to say next. "Her speech seems to be fine, her cognitive motor skills seem to all be intact. This is good."

"So, you think she'll be okay, Dr.? What has you concerned?" Maura was nothing if not intuitive and when it came to Jane, she was that much more.

"Her recovery will be gradual. Slow is good. We'll access where she is every few hours." Dr. Reynolds knew he would have to level with Dr. Isles as she eyed him suspiciously. "I'm worried about her memory."

Maura felt her heart thump against her chest with his words. She had been so concerned about Jane being able to see again, she hadn't even thought about what other damage could've been done to her brain as a result of the necessary surgery. "I'm guessing we'll know in time?" Maura Isles didn't guess. It was against her very nature, but now, this, guessing was all she was going to do.

"We'll let her rest a while, than wake her up and try again." Dr. Reynolds smiled at Maura who seemed to be immediately lost to her thoughts. He could tell how much Dr. Isles cared about his patient and the last thing he wanted to do was give her any bad news. "Get some rest, Dr."

Maura nodded before turning to make her way back into Jane's room. She was feeling so many different emotions that her chest was screaming at her to stop. She rubbed her chest subconsciously while she stared at Jane who finally looked to be sleeping peacefully.

Jane startled at the loud noise, her heart thumping against her chest as she awoke. The deep breaths she forced herself to take in an effort to slow her heart down caused her chest to burn. She listened carefully, but everything remained quiet. She didn't know what had caused her to wake into such an agitated state, finally dismissing the noise as a dream. Jane began to relax as her heart finally resumed it's normal pace. She opened her eyes, suddenly remembering the brightness she had experienced with the doctor earlier.

The brightness was there again and Jane could see some dark contrast with it. She closed her eyes again, familiar with the darkness that came with that action. She opened them again, wishing things weren't as hazy, blurry as they were. The blurry sight was causing nausea, so Jane was careful not to keep her eyes open for too long.

Maura knew better than to let herself fall asleep in the chair next to Jane's bed. Her body would curse her for it and now that she was awake she realized that was what was happening. She looked to Jane, relieved to see she hadn't moved at all from her sleeping position. As much as Maura wanted to talk to Jane, she knew just how important this recovery process was for her. Jane opened her eyes when she heard the movement to her right. She turned her head toward Maura causing her to stop her movement immediately.

"Ma?" Jane's voice was familiar once again and Maura couldn't help but react with excitement. She wished Jane's mother was here, it was obvious Jane wanted her mother.

"No, Jane, it's me." Maura picked up Jane's hand but was startled by her reaction. "It's me, Maura." Maura tried again as Jane pulled her hand away and in closer to her body.

Jane tried to fight past the blurry sight in front of her. She could make out the form of a person, but grew increasingly frustrated when she could not see who was standing so close to her. "I need more pain medication."

Maura was confused as she tried to understand what was going on with Jane. "Okay."

The pain in Maura's chest was suddenly prominent. Dr. Reynolds had warned her about this being a possibility. She backed up away from Jane but suddenly felt as though she were abandoning her. "Jane, it's okay. Take it easy."

Jane felt oddly at ease with the woman to her right, but she didn't know who she was. Maybe she was a nurse. Hell, she's had plenty of them over these past few weeks. Jane rubbed her eyes hoping that by some miracle that would allow her to focus in on the woman who's voice she craved. She looked again, but felt an almost disabling disappointment when she still couldn't focus.

"I can't see you, it's all too blurry." Jane sounded defeated which prompted Maura to once again reach for her hand. This time Jane held still, wishing she knew why this woman kept touching her.

"It's okay, Jane. You're slowly getting better, just relax." Maura watched Jane as she continued to rub her eyes. The action wasn't going to help, but Maura recognized Jane's need to try to help herself.

"What happened to me? Why can't I see anything?" Jane slammed her arms down on the bed, causing a sharp pain to travel through her left side. She winced at her own actions. "This sucks."

Maura couldn't suppress the smile that formed at Jane's choice of words. That was Jane and Maura was suddenly filled with so much hope. "You were shot. And hit with a gun in the face. It's been a long few weeks, but you're doing so much better."

Jane thought about what Maura had just said. Shot? She turned her head back toward the right, staring at the form that hadn't moved from her bedside. "Can you tell me what happened?" Jane suddenly realized that if Maura was her nurse, she probably wouldn't know exactly.

Maura shifted uncomfortably. She didn't want to risk upsetting Jane in any way. She knew it was best if Jane remembered the events on her own. "How about you just rest for now. They're be plenty of time for that later."

"Please." Jane's voice was a surprising mixture of desperation and vulnerability. Maura couldn't help but want to help her. Jane had closed her eyes and forced herself still, almost as if bracing herself.

"Jane…" Maura prayed for an interruption, but continued realizing she was going to have to tell Jane something. "Do you remember who I am?" Maura held her breath as Jane opened her eyes again.

"Maura." Jane answered wondering what that had to do with what had landed her in the hospital not being able to see the person that she was talking to. Maura felt her heart skip as Jane said her name with such confidence. "My nurse, right?"

Maura dropped her head at Jane's follow up question. She didn't remember who she was. Which meant she didn't remember their friendship, their bond, their kiss. She doubted Jane remembered anything from the whole Benjamin Bradley situation. "No, Jane. I'm not your nurse, I'm your friend."

Jane again began to rub her eyes, this time in frustration. She closed them again when her movements were useless in her desire to see her friend. Maybe if she could see her, she would remember her.

"Please tell me what happened." Jane's voice was a whisper now and that unnerved Maura. She took a seat next to Jane's bed and tried to be as direct as possible. She figured she would let Jane fill in the blanks as she needed to.

"You were shot by a man who wanted revenge. He is also the one who hit you in the face with his gun causing serious injury to your head." Maura watched as their was no reaction or response from Jane.

"Benjamin Chase." Jane words were clipped as she felt a familiar panic begin to build within her own chest.

"Yes." Maura wondered just how much Jane could remember. She remained quiet, hoping Jane would continue. It was when she didn't that Maura grew even more concerned.

"Where's Frankie?" Jane tried to sit up but stopped at Maura's tight grip on her arm.

"He's fine, Jane. I can get him for you." Maura released her hold on Jane when she seemed to relax with her words.

"Bradley." Jane shook her head. "I shot him."

"Yes." Maura could feel her heart beating fast, almost too fast as she awaited Jane's reaction to her memories. She seemed to be putting things together quickly.

"I'm sorry." Jane closed her eyes, turning away from Maura. "I'm tired, sleepy, you know."

"Yes, of course." Maura relaxed against the back of the chair.

The room was quiet, as Maura closed her eyes as well. Her chest felt heavy and she wondered if she shouldn't go home for a bit. She hadn't slept properly in so long and clearly she wasn't up to speed as far as her own health. She longed for her bed, but she would never forgive herself if Jane woke up and needed her. Maura startled at Jane's low husky voice as she spoke with her usual authority.

"Go home, Maura. You'll pay for sleeping in that chair." Maura realized Jane hadn't even turned to look at her when she spoke. Hadn't bothered to open her eyes to try and see her. Maura stood, staring at Jane. She reached out to touch her hand, but pulled back. Jane didn't remember exactly who she was, at least not yet. Maura worried about what Jane would remember about them, when she did fully recall everything. She cared for this woman so much that if Jane rejected her, her heart would surely break. The bullet wound would have been painless in comparison and this scared Maura more than she could describe.

The telephone was loud, almost angry sounding as it rang numerous times before Maura was fully conscious to it. "Dr. Isles." Habit. Maura was on medical leave and wouldn't be called to a crime scene for at least another month if not longer. It was when Maura hung up the phone that she realized she had slept for nearly ten hours. She obviously needed it, but was now worried. Angela said Jane was asking for her and to please hurry.

Maura jumped in the shower and dressed quickly. Her body felt better, rested, but her heart continued to threaten with it's rapid beating. She was pleased that Angela was with Jane, but was not at all happy with her tone when she called.

Frost and Korsak were standing outside Jane's room when Maura arrived. Maura tried to read them, but was nowhere near as good at that as Jane was. She glanced through the window and saw Frankie sitting on Jane's bed with her. Maura stopped at the sight, forcing deep breaths into her lungs in an effort to calm her raging nerves. Jane had asked for her mother, and had asked about Frankie. They were both there now and that had to be great for Jane's recovery. Maura entered the room, nodding to Angela who immediately tapped Frankie on the back.

Frankie stood, turning to walk toward Maura. He placed his hands on both of Maura's arms as he bent to look her in the face. "It's good, Maura. She asked for you."

All of Maura's efforts to slow her heart were in vain as she worried she may pass out before making it to Jane's bedside. She looked to Frankie and Angela as they made their way from the room. Her attention was then drawn to Jane as she spoke with her usual tone.

"Were you able to get some rest, Maura?"

"I was. I needed it more than I realized I suppose." Maura tried to look at Jane's eyes but was unnerved by the way she was staring at her.

Jane was quiet for a moment. She stared at Maura, taking in her face, her features. She was truly beautiful, just like she remembered. "You look tired still."

Maura's eyes filled with tears as she realized Jane was no longer looking through her but at her. "Jane, can you see me?"

"I can." Jane held out her hand encouraging Maura to come closer to her. "Benjamin's wife was killed in the bank years ago. I was first on scene with Korsak, still in uniform. The suspect had hostages in the bank and I was the first to make contact with him. Once negotiations began he requested I be sent in. In return he was supposed to let hostages go. Instead, there was a communications error, causing him to panic and he shot at the hostages. Bradley's mother, Benjamin's wife was one of the hostages killed."

Jane stopped, keeping her eyes glued to Maura's. She had wanted to look into Maura's eyes for so long that even the tears couldn't make her look away. "I didn't know Bradley was Benjamin's son. He was so much younger back then, I didn't recognize him." Jane paused looking down at her hands.

"You would've had no reason to think he was involved with anything like this, Jane." Maura had wiped the tears that had finally fallen.

Jane raised her eyes back to Maura's face as she continued. "I tried so hard to follow Benjamin's directions. I couldn't figure out who he was, but he continuously threatened to hurt you if I didn't follow his exact directions. I was so worried about you, he threatened to rape you, threatened to kill you." Jane fought tears of her own now, causing Maura to move closer. She sat down on Jane's bed where Frankie had been earlier. She noticed how Jane didn't move when she leaned against her leg, almost as if welcoming the contact.

"I thought I would die when I finally found you, Maura. He had hurt you even though I tried like hell to do exactly what he said. Then when I realized Bradley was involved…" Jane's voice trailed off.

"He didn't hurt me, not really. Drayson…Bradley didn't want to hurt me. His father had made him bitter, I really don't think he wanted to hurt you either." Maura could tell Jane was struggling with whatever she felt for Bradley. "You cared for him, didn't you, Jane?"

"No…yes…no." Jane was confusing herself. "I killed him, Maura. He had the gun to your head, there was never another option. I couldn't let him hurt you."

Jane kept her gaze on Maura. "I've been wanting to see you for so long, I don't know what to do."

Maura laughed at Jane's words, causing Jane to laugh as well. Jane stopped suddenly. "I remember it all, Maura. I remember Frost being shot, Frankie, Benjamin in my face. I remember praying you would take the shot."

Maura looked away then. "I was so scared, what if…"

Jane placed a finger on Maura's lips. "I know, it's okay. I was so scared too. Not that he would kill me, but that he would hurt you. I tried so hard to protect you and still…still you were shot." Jane's tears fell freely now and she didn't care. "I thought I would lose it when I saw you bleeding, Maura."

Jane was quiet as well was Maura. Both back in the moment, this time they faced the fear of dying and the fear of loving together. "I'm fine, Jane. Really."

Jane smiled briefly at Maura's words. "I remember, Maur." Jane waited realizing Maura was not following her thoughts.

"I remember wanting to see you so badly…when you kissed me. I remember needing to see you." Jane searched Maura's eyes for any sign of regret.

"I'm sorry, Jane. I never should've done that. You were struggling with your injuries and the whole situation with Bradley and your brother and partner being hurt and…"

"I never felt like that before Maura." Jane's words stopped Maura's rambling apology. "I never needed somebody like that before." Jane brought her hand up to Maura's face, letting her fingers lightly touch her skin like she had done earlier when she couldn't see her.

Maura closed her eyes at the contact. "Why did you push me away, Jane? I was so worried about you, but you kept pushing me away."

Jane wanted to close her eyes as they were growing heavy again. She worked to keep them open as she feared not being able to see Maura again should she sleep. "You were hurt because somebody wanted revenge against me. I couldn't stand the thought of you being hurt because of me. I'm really no good for you despite how I feel about you."

"Don't say that. I don't believe that one bit, Jane Rizzoli." Maura got to her feet causing Jane to instantly miss the contact. "Can you really see me, Jane?"

"Yes, I can really see you." Jane began to panic wondering if Maura had gotten angry with her. It was before she could say any more that Maura had moved in close to Jane.

"Then kiss me." Maura was deliberate in what she wanted. Jane responded to her friend's direct order and suddenly the room was loud. Jane couldn't hear over the pounding of her heart, but she could feel. It truly was like nothing she had felt before. Jane noticed Maura had her eyes closed, but Jane refused to close hers. She had wanted to see Maura for so long. She had wanted to see if what she was feeling was real.

Jane relaxed into Maura's kiss. It was then that she could see how this woman felt about her. It was then that Jane could see everything so clearly. She could see and what she saw was absolutely beautiful.


	28. Chapter 28

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 28

I don't own R and I.

Jane could feel Maura's grip on her forearms tighten, pulling her from the tranquil peacefulness that kissing Maura had provided. Jane knew the kiss couldn't last forever, but she wanted to believe that this particular feeling could.

"What's wrong?" Jane could see the troubled expression on Maura's face as she pulled away. While she was concerned about what she was seeing, she was so very thankful to be able to see at all. Jane carefully pulled her arms from Maura's grasp, only to then reach for her hands.

"I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe that you're okay and that I'm okay and that…" Maura was having a hard time focusing on Jane's face as she talked, looking everywhere but into her friend's eyes.

"You're not okay, are you, Maura?" Jane lied her head back against the pillows, choosing to ignore the slight ache that suggested she was beginning to over do it.

Jane watched as Maura offered a sheepish smile before standing and walking away from the bed. Maura always dressed so nicely and today was no exception despite the fact she was dressed down. Jane could immediately see that Maura had lost weight. She figured it probably wasn't much, but enough to be noticeable. "Maura? Talk to me."

"This is crazy!" Maura whirled around to face Jane, her eyes now completely focused on her. "I should be dead. You should be dead. Frankie. Barry."

Jane watched as Maura wavered slightly on her feet. "Maur, please come sit down." Jane tapped the bed where Maura had just recently vacated. She was pleased and even relieved when Maura obliged.

The silence in the room was deafening, neither woman really wanting to continue the conversation, but both knowing it was important to do just that. Maura had been strong for so long and it was apparent to Jane that she was beginning to break. The scene was enough to fuel the already existent feelings of guilt that continued to torment Jane. Jane closed her eyes just before reaching out, placing her hand onto Maura's face. She didn't need a reminder of how it felt to not be able to see Maura, but she wanted to capture the feeling that particular gesture had given her. She opened her eyes when she felt Maura's tears slide onto her hand.

"Frankie will be fine. Frost will be fine. I will be fine." Jane spoke slowly and clearly hoping Maura would allow her to be strong for her now. "I know you have been worried about me and I'm sorry, Maura. You will never know how sorry I am for all of this."

"Jane…" Maura's efforts were abruptly silenced as Jane moved her finger to her lips.

"You're not doing well, I can see that." Jane smiled then as she slowly wiped the tears from Maura's cheeks. "I can see."

Maura couldn't help but respond to Jane's voice as it smiled along with the recovering detective. She pulled Jane's hand from her face then and grasped it tightly within her own, offering a small smile of her own.

"I can see that you're pushing it, Maura. I can see that you're not taking care of yourself." Jane was quick to prevent Maura from offering her protests. "I know for a fact that taking a bullet hurts like a bitch."

Maura shook her head as she reacted to Jane's way of diffusing the thick conversation. "Although I've never been shot in the chest. Let me see." Jane playfully reached out for Maura's shirt pulling it slightly.

"Jane Rizzoli!" Maura couldn't help but laugh as she slapped Jane's hand. Jane laughed then too, only to wince slightly at the pain that was still a nagging reminder that she wasn't well.

"Maura, please get some rest. I know you're worried about me and I love that about you." Jane quickly grew serious as she focused in on Maura's face. "If you're not okay, then I'll never be."

Maura knew Jane was expecting some response as she refused to let Maura look away. "I will, Jane. Now that I know…" Maura's voice trailed off. She squeezed Jane's hand before once again standing from the bed.

"Don't make me send my mother home with you to make sure you rest." Maura could tell Jane was quickly returning to her old self and that alone slowed her heart down just a bit. Maura was concerned as she could feel the rise in her heart rate, but the last thing she wanted to do was worry Jane.

"Your mother is an exceptional woman." Maura let her thoughts shift briefly to her own mother as she bent to hug Jane goodbye. Jane could feel the slight shaking of Maura's body as her embrace was tighter than what was their norm. Jane forced the memory of when she first found Maura in that hot train building. The relief mixed with fear that accompanied Maura's hug then was not unlike what she was feeling from her now.

Maura was afraid, Jane could sense it. "Well take that exceptional woman home with you. She'll stay here all day and she looks beat as well." Jane didn't want Maura alone right now and who better than her mother to look after her. Maura let go only to lean her forehead against Jane's for a brief moment. And then she was gone and Jane hated the feeling that came with the loss of contact.

"Is Korsak out there? Could you send him in, I really need to talk to him." Jane watched as Maura headed to the door to leave. She then cringed as Maura spun around on her heels, giving Jane a look she wasn't quite sure how to react to.

"Jane Rizzoli! You are not to worry about any of this as a case. It is over. Do you hear me? Over." Frost had filled Maura in on what had Jane so on edge before her body shut down back at her apartment.

"Yes, Dr. Isles." Jane tried not to laugh at how serious Maura was right then. "I just want to see how he is doing. I just want to see him." Jane used her two fingers to point at her eyes and then towards Maura. Maura couldn't refuse Jane's grin as she realized she had over reacted. She smiled despite of herself and reached for the door.

"I'll see if he's available. Rest Detective, Dr's. orders." Maura was then gone leaving Jane to wonder about what she had said earlier. How were they all alive right now?

Jane wanted to see Korsak. He had been there for her for years and never had she missed his presence as she did now. She wanted to see him, needed to thank him. And then she wanted answers. What the hell happened that caused Maura to be shot by one of their own. He knew and she knew he knew. She should drop it, Maura was right, it was over. Jane couldn't just drop it. Another error. Another mistake by her own people. Almost another death because of it. Almost Maura's death. No, she couldn't just drop it.

Jane relaxed back against the pillows on her bed. She was so very tired, but the last thing she wanted was to sleep. She feared closing her eyes, feared not be able to emerge again from the darkness. She scanned the room while her body slowly began to shut down. Never had the inside of plain, boring hospital room looked so good to her. Her mind went to Maura. To seeing Maura, touching her, kissing her. It was crazy. All of it. Everything was moving so fast in a direction she wasn't anywhere near prepared for. Maura scared her. Loving Maura scared her. She was not only the smartest woman she knew, she was proving to be the strongest as well. Jane felt like a child trying to figure out what was going on while Maura blatantly ignored her own health to look out for Jane. She didn't seem to be afraid of these new feelings that were absolutely terrifying to Jane. Maybe they weren't exactly new feelings for Maura. Jane dismissed the thought despite realizing Maura seemed to be taking point on the whole situation and that was more than okay by her. She was by no means a rookie, but Jane sure was green when it came to loving another woman…like this. The feelings scared her, frustrated her in a way she was unfamiliar with.

Jane had finally given in to the fatigue that had been threatening her since before Maura had shown up. Korsak would have to wait. Jane knew he wouldn't mind. She knew he'd already know what she was going to hit him with and would probably be grateful that Jane was physically unable to perform at the moment.

"It seems she doesn't really want to see me after all." Korsak rolled his eyes as he quietly exited Jane's room. He was fairly certain she never knew he was there.

"Maybe she'll be less adamant about this whole thing after a nap." Frost carefully watched Jane through the window to her room. "Why can't she just accept it's over? Benjamin Chase is dead. Bradley is dead."

Korsak pulled Frost by the arm, suggesting they leave Jane to sleep for a while. Neither man spoke as they boarded the elevator. Frost was struggling as his leg was still very weak from his wound, but worked to hide his discomfort from the senior detective. Korsak ordered two coffees and took the closest table once they entered the cafeteria.

"Jane has a lot to process. She's going to be a head case for awhile to say the least." Korsak shook his head before sipping his coffee. He looked up into the almost frightening glare of her now partner.

"Relax, Junior. It's just a figure of speech. Although she would probably say the same thing about herself right now." Korsak took the time to really study Frost. The kid had been impressive throughout this whole ordeal. "Jane wants answers because she wants to be able to punish someone. She can blame Benjamin or Bradley but she can't punish them."

"What good will that do? We all survived." Frost began to sip at his own coffee then thankful that Korsak was willing to talk to him about Jane.

"Her brother. Her partner. Herself. All victims at the hands of a man who only targeted her because of an error on our part back then." Korsak stared hard into Frost's dark eyes making sure the younger detective was following his train of thought. "Maura is on us."

Frost nodded slowly refusing to lose Korsak's gaze. "We could put a name on that bullet. She will do just that eventually."

"She could and she may." Korsak spoke matter of fact. "It was a good shoot and a good operation. It was just unfortunate. All we really had to go on was what we were able to get from your radio."

Frost let his eyes drop to his cup. "It was ugly, real ugly. He was going to kill one or both of them. There was no doubt about that."

"Jane's angry. It really is that simple. She was betrayed by Bradley in the worst way, then controlled by Benjamin. Was so close and still couldn't protect Maura." Korsak couldn't hide the anger that crept into his voice as he spoke. "Her anger really stems from her fear. Maura." Korsak shrugged as he continued to work on his coffee.

"It won't help her to name somebody. It'll probably take Maura to convince her of that though." Frost leaned back in his chair now studying Korsak. "Do you think this thing between Maura and Jane is because of what happened."

Korsak allowed himself to laugh a little, knowing what Frost was alluding to. "You're asking me? I can't explain any of it. All I know is I could barely keep Jane from her when she realized Maura was shot. As bad off as Jane was, she was determined to get to her. You tell me."

"She would do that for any of us. She cares about her family and friends, deeply." Frost let his mind replay how focused Jane was about finding Maura.

"This is true." Korsak leaned in a bit closer so that his tie barely managed to miss falling into his cup. "I didn't see her kiss you like that when she found out you were okay." Korsak laughed at the look on Frost's face. Frost couldn't help but laugh himself. Korsak was old fashioned in a lot of ways, but he believed love was love and that never changed with the times.

Maura's head was jumping from one thing to the next, trying desperately to comprehend and dissect all that she was thinking and feeling. Jane was right, she had been neglecting her own health in favor of Jane's, but she had absolutely no regrets about that. There was no doubt Jane would do the same for her and had. She witnessed the hell Jane went through to save her from Benjamin and Drayson. Maura witness first hand how Jane refused to give up, refused to surrender despite her injuries that were far more serious than any of them realized.

Maura lied down on her bed, hoping she would be able to get the rest her body so desperately was begging for. Jane was going to be okay, that thought alone was enough to allow her to close her eyes against the headache that had formed from seemingly nowhere. She tried to clear her mind of everything except the feel of Jane's arms as they wrapped around her. Jane was so very strong, never afraid to prove that to anyone at any time. She was so very intelligent as well. She knew people; she knew how to read people. Jane could see right through Maura and how she tried to present herself.

Maura didn't bother to try to hide the smile that appeared on her face as she relaxed into her mattress. Jane could see through her even when she couldn't see. She was just that good. Maura's thoughts shifted abruptly to her own body and how tired she suddenly felt. She had just slept nearly ten hours before being summoned to see Jane, she really shouldn't be this tired already. She had been shot recently and like Jane had said taking a bullet hurt like a bitch. Maura smiled to herself at Jane's terminology. That was Jane.

Maura wasn't sure how it really felt to be shot, but she knew what if felt like to recover. Her body ached and her head throbbed. Her chest felt heavy and her breathing shallow. She wondered if she had been feeling this way since she was released from the hospital, just oblivious due to her concern for Jane. Maura tried to diagnose herself but gave up quickly as she felt herself beginning to drift off.

Korsak pulled in directly behind the paramedics. Angela was terrified and she found it difficult to even speak until Korsak managed to calm her. Maura had called for her as she tried to get out of the bed. It wasn't until she had fallen to the floor unconscious that Angela had reached her.

Korsak physically turned Angela from the scene when the paramedics pulled out the paddles. Maura's heart had stopped, that much he knew without any explanations from the professionals. He moved the both of them from Maura's room so that neither of them would have to witness the frantic effort on the part of EMS. It wasn't until Maura was wheeled out into the waiting ambulance that Angela was finally able to make any sense at all. She had collapsed down onto her knees pulling Vince down with her.

"Don't tell Jane." Angela's voice was low and stressed, not unlike her daughters when she was upset. "Please don't tell Jane."


	29. Chapter 29

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 29

I don't own R and I.

"No, Frankie, I don't want to see it." Jane smiled at her brother as well as at her own words. No she didn't want to see Frankie's recovering wounds. It was the fact that she didn't want to see, not that she couldn't see. The reality that she had seemingly dodged a huge bullet by recovering her sight was very much in the forefront of her mind.

"Come on. Scared?" Frankie teased his sister knowing she wouldn't be able to resist his prodding.

"No, I'm not afraid of anything." Jane lied as she motioned for Frankie to lift his shirt. She would look to appease him, but she had seen him when he was first injured. That scared the hell out of her and she fought against the shiver that passed through her body at the thought.

Frankie sported a grin that Jane recognized from when they were kids. "This ought to leave some cool scars. You know, stories to tell the kids down the road. Look at how tough your daddy is."

Jane's return smile didn't come close to reaching her eyes as she slowly raised her hands, palms facing her younger sibling. "They're not a sign of toughness, Frankie. It's more like they tell a story of how lucky you were." Jane slowly turned her hands around as if to remind her brother.

The room was deafly quiet as Jane let her hands drop back down to her lap. "I'm sorry, Frankie. I should've known you could've been in danger. I should've…"

"No way!" Frankie was on his feet moving closer to his sister's bed. "No way will I allow you to take any blame for what that sick pyscho did." He took a seat on the bed not caring that Jane hadn't moved over enough.

Frankie stared at his sister and she at him. He could see the sadness and the confusion that filled her eyes. "I know I was lucky, but he didn't want to kill me, did he Jane? It wasn't meant for me to die, or he would've succeeded."

"We'll never know for sure, but no, I don't think so." Jane kept her eyes trained on Frankie's.

"We'll then in that case, I'm sticking with my scars being a sign of toughness." Frankie loved to be able to make his sister laugh. "Let's see your new scar. Bullet wounds are always worse than knife wounds."

"Whoever said that?" Jane pulled the bandage from her shoulder suddenly interested in her own recovery. It looked to be healing well, at least it hadn't been hurting her as much.

"Nah, doesn't look like that will scar up as good as mine will. Just proves I'm tougher." Frankie and Jane both knew there really was no real second guessing Jane's toughness. They both also knew that Jane had luck running though her veins as she once again managed to beat the odds.

Frankie could read the concern in Jane's eyes as she easily dismissed her brother's taunt. Her mind was preoccupied, otherwise she would've given it right back to him. He was supposed to keep Jane company and busy so that she wouldn't wonder where Maura was.

Jane checked the clock on the wall furthest from her bed and figured even with a good night's sleep and breakfast and a shower, Maura would've been there by now. Frankie, let me have your phone." Jane's request came out as an order and she quickly corrected herself. "Please, let me borrow your phone."

"I don't have it with me. Can't get good reception up here anyway." Frankie lied to his sister again, but knew it was in her best interest, at least for right now.

"Has Ma made it back yet?" Jane studied her brother's face as she asked her questions.

"No, nope don't think so." Jane picked up on the uneasiness that was quickly consuming Frankie's entire body.

Jane leaned her head back against her pillows and closed her eyes. She could feel Frankie get up and return to the chair next to the bed. She allowed them to breathe in the uneasy silence that now filled the room.

"Do you want me to go find out if Ma is coming in to see you today?" Frankie so didn't want to be the one to have to tell Jane that Maura was brought into the emergency room in the early morning hours.

Jane was quiet for a few more minutes before opening her eyes, staring her brother down. "What happened to Maura? Don't you dare lie to me, Frankie Rizzoli! Please."

Frankie caved on how Jane resorted from demanding to begging with her last word. "Jane…"

Jane held up her hand to silence him. She kept her eyes closed as she spoke as if somehow that would keep reality from reaching her. "Do you think it's wrong that I feel the way I do about Maura?"

"No." Frankie pulled his chair closer to the bed so that if Jane wasn't going to look at him, she would at least know he was listening. "Why would it be wrong, Jane?"

Jane appeared to be thinking of the proper response when Frankie decided to help her. "Is it because she is a woman?"

"No! Well, yes. I mean…shit, shit, shit. I don't know." Jane was frustrated as she looked to her brother for his opinion. "Frankie, I was scared to death she was going to die. I tried so hard to find her and to save her and… there was so much blood… and…"

"Jane." Frankie's soft tone caught Jane's attention immediately. "She's here. Her heart stopped overnight, but Ma was there and they got her here in time."

It only took a few seconds for Frankie's words to register before Jane was pulling the blankets back and attempting to stand. Frankie anticipated her reaction and was on his feet blocking her efforts. "Jane, no, you have to stay here. She's going to be okay, they said she would be okay."

"Frankie, I have to see her. I have to." Jane could feel the tears as they dropped onto her hands from her face. She wondered if she would be able to fight her way through the sudden dizziness that accompanied her movements. She had to make sure Maura was okay and if it meant risking her own health, then so be it. Jane tried to push past Frankie, but instantly realized how futile her efforts would be. She had little to no strength as her little brother quickly encouraged her to lie back down.

"She is okay. They had to put something in her chest to control her heart and she's resting now. They even said she might be able to go home tomorrow morning." Frankie carefully watched Jane as he continued. "I know you love her, Jane. I also know she loves you. Don't make her worry about you right now."

Jane closed her eyes against the swaying of the room. As much as she needed to see Maura, she knew Frankie was right. Maura had been so worried about Jane and her recovery, that she had neglected her own. Frankie waited until Jane posed no threat to herself before he returned to the chair by her bed. Jane waited for the most recent bout of nausea to pass before turning her head to face Frankie.

"I've never felt this way about another woman." Jane's words were laced with uncertainty, her tone causing her voice to waver.

"Don't look at it that way." Frankie shrugged his shoulders. "She's not just another woman…she's Maura."

Jane heard what her brother said and realized she was worried about the what, not the who. "Do you know what this means?"

"Yeah, it means I probably lost my chance to score." Frankie tried to keep a straight face as Jane's expression turned from realization and accepting to mocked anger.

"Really? Like you ever had a chance to begin with." Jane's voice was back to full power now and Frankie felt every word.

"What, I wouldn't be good enough for your precious Dr. Isles?" Frankie so needed to diffuse the situation.

"Not as long as you're my brother." Jane knew Frankie was teasing her and offered him a grin saying as much.

"Jane, love is love. If you make it harder, then it'll be harder." Frankie was pleased that it looked like his sister had finally found someone that she could be happy with.

"If I promise to stay put, will you go and get me every detail about Maura's condition. I mean it, Frankie. Every detail." Jane was back to giving orders and she meant it that way this time.

"Okay, but if you get up I'll personally make sure I send that one nurse in that you hate. You know that chick that looks like a guy and smells like…"

"Okay, okay. I promise." Jane tried not to laugh, she knew Frankie would do that to her.

Angela listened carefully as the doctor explained what they had done for Maura. They had decided to put in an implantable cardioverter defibrillator. Similar to a pacemaker, the ICD is often a permanent safeguard against sudden abnormalities. Korsak's blank stare encouraged the doctors to explain further. The device is programmed to detect cardiac arrhythmia and correct it by delivering a jolt of electricity. ICDs constantly monitor the rate and rhythm of the heart and can deliver therapies by way of an electrical shock.

"So, if this should happen again, she can restart her own heart?" Korsak always had a hard time keeping up with modern technology, in or out of the hospital.

"The device is designed so that this won't happen again. It will monitor her heart and prevent it." Angela continued to take in the doctor's words carefully in case it was her that would have to explain to Jane. "We will keep Dr. Isles overnight for observation purposes, but see no reason why she can't be released in the morning."

Korsak looked up to see Frankie quickly approaching and by the look on his face, it was clear that Jane knew Maura was here. "She read right through me, she knows Maura was brought in."

Angela grew frantic as she thanked the doctor, dismissing him with her diverted attention. "Is she upset? Frankie, you were supposed to keep her distracted until we knew what to tell her. I don't want her worrying."

"Ma, she was wondering why Maura hadn't come to see her yet. She figured out something was wrong." Frankie looked to Korsak pleading for some help.

"Aw geez, Frankie. She's in no condition to be upset. You left her alone. What were you thinking?" Korsak grabbed Angela gently by the arms to settle her down.

"She's fine, Ma. I threatened her with smelly nurse. She wants to know what's going on." Frankie traded places with Korsak, hoping Korsak would take the hint and go inform Jane.

Korsak looked in on Jane who was obviously agitated. He blew out a long breath as he headed into her room, stopping her sudden movement to get out of bed.

"I thought you had a deal with Frankie?'

"What's wrong with Maura?" Korsak cringed at the desperation in Jane's voice. "Korsak, please tell me."

Korsak guided her to lie back down. "She fine, Jane. She is going to be just fine. Relax."

Jane was frustrated at her inability to shake the nauseating dizziness that seemed to prevent her from moving too much. She opened her eyes once the nausea subsided, turning to glare at Korsak.

Jane listened carefully as her former partner explained as thoroughly as he could everything the doctor had told them. She could feel her heart pounding against her chest as he told her how upset and scared her mother was and how concerned for her she was now.

"The doctor says she'll be released in the morning and you know as well as I do, the first place she'll come is to see you." Korsak realized Jane had zoned out while he was speaking. His words had earned him her full attention and he was suddenly regretting it.

"What happened? Back at the train yard?" Jane's glare was burning into Korsak, causing him to shift his stance as the conversation he was avoiding was about to happen.

"It was a good shoot, Jane. It was just unfortunate…"

"No it wasn't a good shoot." Jane's voice was filled with anger and she was determined to get answers. "If it were a good shoot, then Maura wouldn't have been hit. These are trained professionals, Korsak. How do you just fuck up like that?"

Korsak barely flinched at Jane's language as he knew it to be cop speak for frustrated anger. "All we had to go on was what we were able to hear from Frost's radio. The windows were blocked, so they had to guess."

"A life or death guess? Come on, Korsak. Somebody made a mistake…just like at the bank." Jane refused to let Vince look away.

"Jane, what does it matter now? They are dead, Maura will be fine, you will be fine. It's over." Korsak raised his voice slightly trying to get Jane to realize the unnecessary stress she was causing herself.

"You don't find it ironic that two mistakes were made by highly trained professionals? Both times the cases involved Benjamin Chase." Jane was losing some of her energy as she saw that Korsak wasn't going to help her with the blame game.

"I find both instances to be unfortunate. The shot was taken when it appeared Chase was preparing to shoot. Even Frost admits it was only a matter of seconds before he either fired at you or killed Maura." Korsak moved closer realizing he was getting through at least some. "Jane, you were unarmed. They had to move when they did."

Jane relaxed against the bed, turning away from Korsak. "Send my mom in please."

"Jane…"

"It's okay, Korsak. Please, send my mom in." Korsak heard the defeat in Jane's tone, but decided not to push. His wished there was something he could say that would help her put this away. Benjamin Chase was the responsible party, there was no sense in pursuing it further. Jane looked exhausted. She had been through hell at the hands of Benjamin Chase and Korsak was left to wonder if Jane would ever really fully recover.

Jane listened to the hushed voices of the nurses working the night shift. She was so tired of hospitals. The day had dragged on as she constantly demanded updates on Maura. Frankie and Angela worked to keep Jane satisfied, both relieved when the announcement was made that visiting hours were over. Now all Jane could do was wait, wait for morning, wait to see if Maura would be released, wait to see for herself that Maura was indeed okay. Jane closed her eyes as the ticking of the clock began to torment her.

She could hear Benjamin's voice as he taunted her on the phone. She could hear Bradley's voice as he tormented her while he stood behind Maura, holding his gun to her head. She could feel the anger creep through her body as the image of Maura bleeding underneath her on the train room floor forced its way into her mind. How could Korsak really expect her to just drop it. Maura never should've been hurt. She did everything she could to make sure Maura wasn't hurt.

Jane watched as her nurse left the room as quietly as she had entered. The clock showed the night was going even slower than the day. It was nearing two in the morning and Jane couldn't wait any longer. She had to see Maura. She slowly dropped her feet to the floor, balancing the best she could as she pulled on the robe that had been provided over her hospital gown. She felt so weak, but she was determined to get to Maura's room. She felt bad for tricking her mother into revealing Maura's room number, but she knew she would only feel guilty as long as it took to get there.

She was only approached by one nurse as she made her way down to the next floor and the look she delivered was enough for that nurse to look the other way. Jane was out of breath and her legs felt like they would give out on her, but she pushed the door open anyway. Jane found Maura's eyes instantly as she realized she hadn't been sleeping either. Maura wasn't surprised to see Jane although concern covered her face.

"Jane, you're not ready to be up and about." Maura watched as Jane made her way slowly into the room.

"Sure I am. I made it, didn't I?" Jane gave Maura a painful grin as the journey had indeed been a rough one.

Maura slid over, inviting Jane to crawl into bed beside her. She waited for Jane to relax before she turned to face her. "Are you okay?"

"I am now." Jane turned to face Maura. She kept her gaze on Maura's face, refusing to look away. "I had to see you. I had to, Maura."

Maura offered a slight smile in response, hating that Jane was still so weak and injured. "You know they'll make you go back to your room."

"Yeah, probably." Jane smiled at Maura. "I'll act all crazy and refuse to leave and threaten to shoot them. Head injury…very unpredictable."

Maura laughed despite her attempt to remain still and quiet. She grabbed Jane's hand, waiting for Jane to acknowledge her touch. It was then that she realized Jane had fallen asleep that fast. Her steady, strong breathing being exactly what Maura needed to fully relax herself. She could feel herself begin to drift off, her last thought being of her nurse. Maura hoped she would allow Jane to stay, she needed her to stay.


	30. Chapter 30

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 30

I don't own R and I.

Maura worked to control her nerves as she watched the scenery go by from her window. She wanted to do this, she needed to do this. Never again would she allow herself to be in a position where fear ruled her mind and her actions. Jane needed her to be able to fire that gun and if she had, maybe she could've stopped Benjamin from hurting her as bad as he did. Certainly the events wouldn't have unfolded the way they did.

"Jane is going to kill me if she finds out I helped you. This is something she would want to do." Barry looked over at Maura in between judging traffic.

"Jane's got enough to work through right now." Maura let out a long sigh as she thought about how Jane had once again pushed her away. It had only been a few days, but Jane was frustrated at her lack of progress. Her balance was off and her sight still not a hundred percent. Her headaches caused Jane to lash out at her mother and brother and even Korsak. She had stopped short of snapping at Maura, instead asking her to leave. Maura wanted to stay with Jane, to help her, but didn't argue. The look in Jane's eyes when she told her to leave was enough to make Maura honor her wishes.

"I know, but why now? This can wait." Frost tried to get Maura to snap out of the fog she seemed to be sinking into.

"It really can't. It's important to me. Please don't question me on this." Maura had finally turned to face Barry as he parked the car in front of the Boston Police Department's shooting range.

Frost remembered how Maura had helped him through an autopsy, how she never teased him about his weak stomach. This was the least he could do, especially if it was so important to her. He too had prayed she would take the shot, believing Benjamin had every intention of killing Jane. Barry shared a look of understanding with Maura before getting out of the car. He knew Jane, Maura and himself would forever be directly affected by the events in that small, hot, abandoned building.

Detective Barry Frost signed in and escorted Maura into the building. He could feel her shaking against his arm as the sounds of gunfire were constant. Maura instantly covered her ears, frantically looking for the exit. He easily caught up with her, stopping her from losing it completely by pulling her into his chest once outside. The sun was bright, causing Maura to close her eyes against it as she allowed Barry to hold her.

"It's too soon. You don't need to do this." Frost held her away from him, forcing her to respond.

"I need to. Jane needed me to shoot and I couldn't. I have to learn to do this, in case…"

"In case this ever happens again? Maura, the chances of something like this happening again are so remote." Barry knew why Maura was so determined. "Besides, Jane's a much better shot. She'd be able to teach you much better than I would."

"No, she'd tell me to drop it. That I don't need to learn." Maura shivered despite the heat that enveloped her. "I need to know I can fire a weapon with confidence, in case I ever need to."

"Okay, I'll help you any way I can." Barry motioned back towards the building and Maura sucked in a deep breath before proceeding back into the building. She let her thoughts take her back to when Jane had shown Maura how to handle her gun. Just in case. She remembered it was heavy and she remembered praying she wouldn't have to use it. Jane had wanted to sleep; needed to sleep. Maura knew that Jane believed the chances of Maura needing to shoot then were slim. Neither of then could have known that the time would come when the chance was stark reality. Jane needed Maura and Maura let her down.

Frost handed Maura the hearing protection and the safety goggles. He put on his own protection, encouraging Maura to do the same. He placed the gun in her hand and waited until Maura gripped the weapon before letting go. Maura stared at the gun a few seconds before looking up at Jane's partner.

"I'm ready." Maura turned to face the target at Barry's direction. She closed her eyes, instantly seeing the pleading look on Jane's face right before Benjamin had struck her with his own gun. She opened her eyes at the sound of Barry's voice. She focused on the target that seemed so far away.

"Badass. Remember Maura? Badass." Jane's voice was ever present as Maura remembered Jane forcing Bradley's gun into her hand.

Frost spoke to Maura, but Maura only heard her heart beating louder, faster. She looked at the target but only saw Jane's silent plea and then her fallen form. She could feel the sweat produced by her nerves but only felt the stifling heat of the suffocating room. She felt the once cool metal of the gun as it seemed to conform to her hand. Maura was aware of Barry's presence close behind her as his arms worked to steady hers. She tried to concentrate on his directions, but could only hear Benjamin's voice as he taunted Jane.

It was as if Maura's finger moved without permission. The sound was loud enough to startle her, but expected enough not to scare her. Maura opened her eyes, looking for the result. Not good. She could hear Barry's light laugh behind her.

"It usually works out better if you keep your eyes open. Try again." Frost encouraged her as he took a step back, keeping his position close enough if needed. Maura studied her target, then fired at and hit Benjamin Chase. She tried to hide the smile that gradually covered her face.

"I wish I would've fired. I let her down because I was scared." Maura's voice, although barely a whisper, was loud against the gunfire that filled the range.

"You were scared of hitting her. I would've been scared too. Jane would've been scared too, if it were the other way around." Frost waited until Maura seemed to accept his words before firing his own gun. He was pleased when Maura raised her arms to shoot again. Oh yeah, Jane was going to be pissed at him.

Jane hated rehab, but she hated admitting more that she needed help. She had fallen twice already this morning with the doctors. Her coordination, balance and sight were all lacking as she wondered if she would ever be back to her usual top physical condition. She felt weak, she felt lost. She wished Maura was here with her, but then she didn't want Maura to have to deal with her like this. Maura wasn't taking care of herself because of her and had almost died because of it. The last thing Jane wanted was for Maura to have to deal with this as well. Jane was pissed, depressed, scared and frustrated. Her mother and Frankie both seemed to take her mood swings in stride, but she didn't want to chance Maura would as well. She was angry and wanted to hurt somebody. She didn't want to risk hurting Maura so she once again sent her away. The look on Maura's face as she left was enough to make Jane most angry at herself. She was always hurting Maura which only proved that she was no good for her. Add confused to the list and Jane was ready to give up. Fortunately for her, the rehab doctors were used to such behavior and ignored her request for them to go to hell.

Her rehabilitation schedule was grueling, allowing little time for Jane to contemplate her situation. She had asked to be alone and was now struggling with the loneliness. Maura's presence and the need for it was what was keeping Jane fighting up to now. She had dismissed Maura and was now confused at how there was very little protest to her request. Maura had left without a word at the angry sound of Jane's voice and now Jane was left feeling once again guilty and ashamed. Maura didn't deserve this; any of this.

"Ms. Rizzoli?" Jane watched as the young physical therapist entered her room. His young looks were deceiving against his age and his experience, but still Jane had managed to rattle him just a day earlier.

"It's Detective, Jimmy." Jane glared at him knowing what was to come.

"Actually, it's James."

"Oh, honest mistake." Jane's sarcastic tone wasn't wasted as her point was made.

"Are you ready to begin?" James perused her chart before meeting her eyes with his own.

"I have a choice?" Jane was instantly irritated with the innocent man.

"No, actually you don't." James was nervous and Jane sensed his uneasiness.

"I'm not feeling well." Jane's defiant tone was nothing new to James. "My head hurts."

"It probably will for a while." James waited for the next excuse as it was apparent to Jane he was preparing to stand his ground against her.

Jane was exhausted and just wanted to sleep. All she wanted to do was sleep. She was thinking of her next excuse when James' voice startled her. "I can get reinforcements, Detective. If I need to."

Jane knew she needed the help. She knew her body would need to heal and be reconditioned. She knew she would be dealing with the aftermath of Benjamin Chase for some time to come. She wanted to be at home. She wanted to be anywhere but the hospital. James was brutal as he pushed her. He performed as he was trained and Jane respected his commitment. The sweat that formed on her face with the exertion was only a reminder of the desperate nature of her whole being.

She fought through the mental exhaustion. She dealt with the physical pain. She ignored the emotional confusion that was the real reason for her lack of progress. She wanted to call Maura and ask her to come, but she refused to continue hurting her. She asked for more pain medication than she needed and hoped the thoughts, memories and emotions would leave her alone. Even for just a little while.

Frankie made his way through the precinct up to the homicide division. He was pleased to see Korsak at his desk sipping his morning coffee. The squad room missed Jane's presence and Korsak seemed out of sorts as well. Frankie wanted to talk to Vince about the shooting, but knew it was a delicate subject for both him and Jane. "Morning."

"Same to you. Feeling okay?" Korsak had busied himself doing nothing important, but still couldn't bring himself to address the younger Rizzoli properly.

"Where's Jane's stuff?" Frankie was instantly angry as he noticed her desk had been cleared. He looked around hoping it had all been moved to another desk.

Korsak got to his feet, straightening his tie as he approached Jane's brother. "She's not sure if she wants to come back to homicide. She asked for an extended leave."

"She's not even been released from the hospital. How could you allow her to make a decision like that so soon?" Frankie was pissed as he looked around hoping to see Jane's personal items in a box nearby.

"Frankie, Jane's got some serious issues to work through. You and Frost made quick recoveries, but Jane's still in bad shape." Korsak tried to make Frankie understand. He struggled with his own words as he too had been floored by Jane's statement. Nobody had been to see Jane in over a week; her demands. Frankie, Angela, Frost and himself had all been turned away. Maura had shown up twice a day and still Jane refused her.

"She's coming back, Korsak. I know it and you know it. Why are they giving up on her?" Frankie looked toward the captain's office.

"It really is up to Jane…and her doctors." Korsak turned away from Frankie hoping to end the conversation. He hated seeing the disappointed look on the kid's face. Frankie sat down at Jane's empty desk, letting his head fall into his hands. He didn't want to do this anymore either, not if Jane couldn't come back.

Maura arrived at the hospital knowing Jane was going to be released. She hadn't seen her in over a week and missed her terribly. She knew she was privy to certain information given her status, despite still being on medical leave. Most of what she learned was as a courtesy from other doctors who respected her position as well as her herself. She had been heartbroken each time she was refused access to Jane's room, but refused to push. Today would be different. She needed to know where Jane stood and what she needed to do to help her.

Maura pushed open the door to Jane's room uninvited and waited until Jane's gaze made it's way to her. It was obvious to Maura that Jane was conflicted as she tried to hide numerous emotions once she realized Maura was standing before her.

"I said I didn't want any visitors." Jane tried to sound hard, only growing frustrated when she heard her own voice trail off.

"I know what you said." Maura slowly made her way towards Jane, watching as she continued to pass a racquet ball from one hand to the other.

"Then why are you here?" Jane kept her eyes trained on the ball to avoid looking directly into Maura's. Jane could feel her heart begin to race and she wondered if Maura's was doing the same.

"I needed to see you, Jane. I need to know you're okay."

"I'm fine." Jane was nervous and it didn't go unnoticed by Maura as she reached out to take the ball from Jane.

"Then talk to me." Maura's voice was harsh surprising Jane. "Please."

Jane refused hoping Maura would take the hint and give up. Maura was patient as well as determined. She kept her eyes focused on Jane's face until Jane seemingly gave in. "I asked for an extended leave."

"You're still on medical. Can they grant that?" Maura's voice softened, thankful for the interaction finally.

"Doesn't matter. They can eventually." Jane fidgeted with her hands as she seemed to struggle with her words. "I don't think I want to go back, Maur."

"Nobody's expecting you to make that decision right now, Jane." Maura granted herself permission to have a seat on Jane's bed next to her. "Give it some time."

Jane felt instantly calm by Maura's presence, allowing herself to stare. Maura had grown accustomed to Jane's new habit, realizing the significance. Jane was still trying to come to terms with her blindness and now her ability to see. Both women sat in silence, each realizing the impact Benjamin Chase's actions would have on them.

"That's not all is it?" Maura met Jane's stare now as she instantly recognized Jane's pained expression at her question.

Jane could feel herself cringe at the tone of Maura's voice. She slowly shook her head before turning away. "We can't be together."

Maura thought she had braced for the possibility of Jane turning away from her, but still her words stung. She sat still and quiet wondering if Jane would elaborate on her statement. She reached for Jane's hand, only to have her pull away. "Why?"

"I just can't." Jane stood and walked away from Maura, refusing to look at her.

"What's changed, Jane. Can you at least tell me what I did wrong?" Maura tried to hide the tears from her voice but was failing miserably.

Jane turned quickly then, almost angry that Maura would assume she had done anything wrong. "Not you. Never you!" Jane fought against her own emotions now as she had no choice but to continue now. "I'm no good for you, Maura. You've been severely hurt because of me. You don't take care of yourself because of me. I seem to continuously hurt you."

Jane took a chance and reached out to touch Maura's face. Knowing that was all she had not so long ago was overwhelming at best. "I am no good for you."

"That's not true, Jane." Maura couldn't stop the tears as she could tell by Jane's tone she wasn't looking for an argument.

Jane pulled her hand from Maura's face as the tears hit her fingers. She took a few steps back from Maura signaling that she had made her decision. Maura refused to look away from Jane despite the nurses that had made their way into the room to discharge her.

Maura watched as Jane seemed to be paying attention to the instructions that were being read to her as far as her further recovery at home. She wondered if Jane would look her way, somewhat relieved when she didn't. It was when Jane took the pen to sign herself out that Maura turned to leave. She reached the door and proceeded through it without looking back. Jane couldn't have been more clear as to what she wanted and Maura wasn't it. The realization that Jane didn't want to be with her was nearly disabling as Maura braced herself against the wall outside of Jane's room. Jane was right as she had managed to hurt her one last time.

Jane looked up as the door closed behind Maura. She couldn't stop the tears and did little to hide them from the nurses as they continued to go over the paperwork. Jane wasn't hearing them. She wasn't hearing anything but the sound of Maura's heart breaking.

Jane walked out of the hospital and was instantly greeted by the same summer heat that had plagued the city for the better part of the last month. She demanded nobody know when she would be released, she didn't want company. Jane opted to walk the few miles to her apartment, knowing she would be pushing herself physically. She opened the door to her apartment, taking a few minutes to glance around. She hadn't seen her place in weeks, despite having been home for a few days.

Jane was drenched in sweat as she cursed the heat that wouldn't let up. She quickly changed clothes before collapsing onto her bed. The image of Maura in her hospital room haunted Jane each time she closed her eyes. Jane forced herself to stare at the ceiling wondering if she was doing the right thing for Maura. Jane took a deep breath as sharp pains spread through her chest. She tried to slow her breathing in an effort to ease the pain, but realized she had no control over it. She prayed Maura wasn't feeling the same pain.

Jane forced herself to get up and grab the phone. She was convinced she was doing the right thing despite the pain she had just caused both Maura and herself. She would always need to know that Maura was okay. Jane slowly put the phone down when the her call went immediately to voicemail.


	31. Chapter 31

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 31

I don't own R and I.

Jane watched the shadows shift as her apartment gradually grew dark. She had spent the better part of the day and now into the evening lying in bed trying to concentrate on her television. Her mind wouldn't allow her to get interested in any one program as she found herself trying in vain to make sense of all that had happened. So much had happened, and it was very clear that nothing would be quite the same. Jane wasn't sure if this angered, frustrated or scared her.

Jane's phone stayed silent and the numerous calls she had made to Maura's had gone unanswered. She knew she had hurt Maura and she hoped Maura was ignoring her calls out of spite. She forced herself not to think of the possibility that Maura wasn't answering because she couldn't, instead opting to believe she was just angry. Jane had caused this and she knew it, still believing as hard as it was to not be around Maura right now, it was for the best.

The apartment was totally dark now, not allowing for Jane to focus on any one thing. She stared, forcing herself to keep her eyes open, despite not seeing anything clearly. Her stomach turned and her chest pounded knowing how close she had been to this being her reality. She slowly closed her eyes, hoping maybe sleep would help calm the emotions that threatened to overwhelm her. Jane hoped Maura would understand how dangerous it was to be around her. Jane hated that she couldn't protect her against Benjamin, how she couldn't stop him from hurting her no matter how hard she tried. Still, Maura says she loves her? It wasn't right. It could never be right between them. Jane knew Maura didn't always see things the way she did. Jane saw pure fear in Maura's eyes before the gunfire erupted into the room and she saw pure pain on Maura's face when she told her she didn't want to be with her. How could Maura possibly want to be with someone that hurt her like this?

Jane's forced herself not to think of Maura; not now. She wanted to go to her, to make sure she was alright. She would always have to know that Maura was okay. Shifting gears seemed to be necessary as Jane was getting more and more frustrated with her feelings. She let her mind take her step by step through the whole ordeal from Benjamin's first call. Jane recalled the phone call that interrupted her time with Bradley. She felt the anger begin to build as she recalled how she was betrayed in such an intimate way. It grew more as she thought about how Bradley was responsible for tormenting Maura as well. She wasn't sorry she had killed Bradley. She was just sorry she had to.

The ringing of Jane's phone caused her to come off the bed a few feet as she struggled to calm her heart. It wasn't until it had stopped ringing that Jane was able to bring herself to get it from where it had landed across the room. She had thrown it out of anger when Maura hadn't answered the last time she had called. Jane suddenly realized she had fallen asleep and she hadn't tried Maura's phone for at least two hours. She reached for the phone, checking her missed call. Korsak. Relief was instantly replaced by concern as she dialed. It was good to hear his voice, anybody's voice as she was quickly slipping into her own hell.

Jane dressed quickly once she hung up. Korsak had found something of interest that he thought Jane would want to know concerning a possible connection between the hostage situation involving Benjamin's wife and the shootout recently. He insisted on waiting until morning to talk with her, hoping Jane would follow his orders to get some sleep. She said she would knowing she had no plans to sleep. She had to see Maura, the need was nearly consuming. Jane recognized how desperate she felt, having felt this way numerous times since Maura's frantic phone call. She had to know she was okay, she would never rest until she knew for sure.

The air was still and the night quiet as Jane started out. She wouldn't drive, not yet. Her vision still a problem and her doctor's warnings still very much in the front of her mind. The temperature was cooler, a welcome relief as Jane made her way towards Maura's home. She shouldn't be out walking at this hour, she knew this, but she also knew she had to see Maura. Jane still didn't understand the consuming need, but refused to fight it. Her heart began to pound harder as she approached the house trying not to let the darkness detour her. Maura was most likely sleeping and Jane wondered if she shouldn't wait until morning.

It wasn't until Jane turned to leave that she realized Maura's car was gone. She wasn't even home. Jane had walked all this way and Maura wasn't even there. Jane fought the anger, frustration and jealousy that escaped into her head. Yeah, she had hurt Maura, but she never thought Maura would just give up on her like that. Jane fought with her emotions all the way back to her apartment. She was now sweating as her pace provided her a release. She was angry now as she refused to wipe the sweat as it formed on her face.

Maura's the one that had kissed her. Maura's the one that had confessed her feelings to her. Maura's the one that neglected her own health and recovery for her. Maura's the one Jane had hurt. Jane had no right to be angry with Maura and she knew this, but still it hurt. Jane began to run as she needed to get home. Needed some pain medication to sleep, needed to stop the burning. She refused the tears that threatened as she cursed herself; she needed Maura and she wanted Maura. Jane's pace was slow as she approached her apartment. She was hurting, she was tired, and she was so very pissed…at herself. The pain in her side caused her to bend at the waist, hands on her knees as she tried in vain to get her breathing to slow down. She was so tired of feeling physically restricted, so tired of hurting.

"Jane." Maura was careful not to startle Jane as she approached. "In through your nose…"

"Out through your mouth." Jane slowly straightened to her full height before turning to face Maura. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to check on you." Maura was hesitant, but reached out to touch Jane's arm.

"You're not my doctor." Jane instantly regretted her response as she saw the hurt flash through Maura's features. "I'm fine, Maur. Go home."

"You're not fine. Where did you go?" Maura took a step back giving Jane the space she was demanding with her posture.

"What do you care? You weren't home anyway." Jane shook her head when she realized she just answered.

"I care." Maura watched as her words affected Jane, despite the fact she had turned away from her. "Maybe too much."

"Go home. It's late and you need your rest." Jane let herself in and started to close the door without giving Maura another look. She didn't want to see what she was doing to the one person who so didn't deserve her abuse.

Jane jumped and turned on instinct when the door to her apartment slammed open. She reached for her gun out of habit, quickly raising her hands to her head. "What the hell, Maura?"

"What are you afraid of, Detective Rizzoli! Why are you doing this? I deserve answers and I want you to answer me now!" Maura stepped inside Jane's apartment and slammed the door closed behind her.

Jane felt like a fool for being startled by the sudden movements and even more so knowing it was Maura that had caused her heart to come up out of her throat. "Fuck me." Jane grumbled under her breath as she moved her hands to her chest willing her heart to slow down.

"No, fuck me!" Maura moved to within a few feet of Jane continuing when she saw the surprise in the weary detective's face. "You're killing me here, Jane. Well, not exactly killing me, but you're causing a great deal of unnecessary pain…for both of us."

Jane took a few seconds to stare at Maura, not totally believing what had just come out of her mouth. She had never seen Maura so angry and had certainly never heard her use such language. Jane knew her mouth was wide open and it wasn't until Maura's expression changed that she realized she needed to say something.

"I can't do this. I don't know how to make you understand." Jane's voice was barely a whisper as she braced for Maura's reaction.

"Why? Talk to me." Maura eyes searched Jane's as she waited for a response.

Jane's head was all over the place. Maura had knocked her off her axis with her behavior and it was obvious to them both. "I just can't. You deserve better. Okay? You don't deserve to be in danger just because of what I do for a living." Jane walked away only to spin around suddenly. "I can't protect you. Don't you get it, I can't. I didn't, because I couldn't!"

Maura closed the distance quickly, once again surprising Jane who could only watch as Maura demanded her full attention. "You don't have to protect everybody. I don't want you to protect me. I just want you to love me."

Jane tried to focus on the intense glare Maura was delivering, but was finding it difficult. Her sight was still not where it should be and the lack of sleep wasn't helping her condition any. She closed her eyes tight before opening them again in an attempt to clear her vision.

"Do you? Love me, Jane?" Maura's voice sounded so vulnerable to Jane and she hated that she once again was the cause.

"Yes." Jane barely was able to speak as the silence in the apartment wasn't lost on either of them. Maura took a few steps back giving Jane space. Jane kept her eyes on Maura realizing she had to say something. "Did you really just say fuck me?"

Maura smiled, somewhat proud, but mostly embarrassed. "Yes. Yes, I did. Probably not the best choice of words. A bit rude, maybe even somewhat crude."

"Sometimes, you just have to let it fly." Jane couldn't help the laugh that escaped as she watched Maura make sense of what she had said. "I have to say, I've never heard you abuse the language in such a way."

"I apologize for that, you are just so frustrating sometimes." Maura offered up an attempt at an explanation.

"I'm very proud of you, Dr. Isles. I think you made me love you more with that." Jane smiled in a way Maura hadn't seen in week before closing the distance this time between them. Jane refused to close her eyes as she moved in to kiss Maura. She wanted to see what kissing Maura felt like and was determined to do just that.

Maura broke the kiss, moving back from Jane. The confused look on Jane's face caused Maura to stutter initially. "How many times will you push me away?"

"How many times will you ignore me when I do?" Jane answered Maura's question with a question which was one of her own pet peeves. "Maura, I don't know how to do this. I feel like I'm all wrong."

"Just do what you feel." Maura watched Jane as she tilted her head slightly, never breaking eye contact. "Do what you feel and you'll always be right."

Jane stared at Maura, not wanting to ruin what was between them at that moment. "Stay here tonight. I mean, will you stay here tonight…with me?"

"Jane, you look so exhausted. You should really concentrate on getting your rest." Maura could tell how Jane was struggling with her vision

"Please, Maura. I really don't want to be alone." Jane reached out for Maura, relieved when she easily came toward her. It was apparent to Jane that Maura had forgiven her and was no longer angry. Jane closed her eyes this time when her lips connected with Maura's. She concentrated on doing what she felt and was pleased when she felt Maura relax into her kiss. Nothing felt wrong and even if just for this moment, nothing was wrong at all.

Jane glanced back at Maura before leaving the room the next morning. Korsak would be there to pick her up early and she didn't have the heart to wake Maura. She quickly scribbled a note explaining that she had left with Korsak and would return shortly. Jane didn't want to leave Maura, but was anxious to know what Korsak had found.

"Are you sure you're up to this? You only got out of the hospital yesterday." Vince pulled into an out of the way coffee shop where he parked as close to the entrance as possible. Jane's silent glare was enough of an answer for him as he held the door for his former partner to enter before him.

Jane waited for Vince to settle down with their coffee before addressing him. "Talk to me. Tell me all my instincts haven't gone to shit."

Korsak shook his head slightly at Jane's statement. "Terry Whileman. Name ring a bell?" Korsak waited for Jane to search her memory before he continued. "He had been recently promoted to the swat unit when we got that bank call. After some careful digging, I found out he was the one that jumped the gun…so to speak."

Jane stared Korsak down while she worked to understand what he was telling her. Slowly she began to put the pieces together. "And he was on the team that responded to the train yard. What's his connection to Chase?"

"No connection. Whileman is simply an opportunist." Korsak watched Jane carefully. "Whileman was the one who gave the green. He was in command of the swat unit on scene."

"Korsak, are you saying he intentionally gave the go when it wasn't safe to do so. Did he intentionally compromise our safety?" Jane could feel the anger begin to spread through her body.

"He had followed orders then, but gave the orders this time. I believe he intentionally compromised your efforts, yes." Korsak took a long pull of his coffee waiting for Jane to sort through what he was telling her. "He had been reprimanded for his actions back at the bank scene and was relieved of his position after the train yard shootout. He was fired yesterday officially."

"Why? Did he know Benjamin Chase?" Jane wanted to feel relieved that she had been right in believing there was more to the shooting than just bad communication.

"No, but he knew you, Jane. He saw the fact that you were in there as an opportunity to take you out. He confessed when he was questioned thoroughly yesterday." Korsak smiled as he was able to provide answers that Jane needed.

"So, you told me to drop it, but yet you pushed the investigation." Jane laid her hand on top of Korsak's.

"I have always believed in your hunches, why doubt you this time?" Korsak covered her hand with his other.

"Why me, Vince. What did he have against me?" Jane was suddenly concerned as it dawned on her that perhaps it was her that was the intended target from their own people. Maura just so happened to be an unfortunate accident.

"He got a rip for the original incident. He watched you being celebrated for your actions while he was punished and forced to prove himself over again. Let's just say he hasn't been one of your bigger fans over the years." Korsak smiled as he announced what he did know to be true.

Jane rubbed her temples. She had her answers but wasn't able to relax with them. If Terry Whileman wanted her dead when he had everything to lose, why wouldn't he try again when he had nothing to lose.


	32. Chapter 32

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 32

I don't own R and I.

Jane was torn, barely saying two words to Korsak as they returned to her apartment. Part of her wanted to leave what she had just learned alone for no good could come from tracking Terry Whileman down. He had been terminated from the force, his punishment just according to those that decided. Jane believed he was getting off easy, wishing for jail time as well. His error in judgment nearly cost Maura her life and if that weren't bad enough, it really was no error at all. The now familiar pull at Jane's heart was ever present as she made her way to her front door. It was even clearer now just how dangerous it really was for Maura to be involved with her.

Part of Jane wanted to hunt the bastard down and make him suffer in much the same way if not worse. Jane knew hurting Whileman wouldn't change what they had all been through these past few weeks. Common sense told her that finding Whileman would only fuel her anger. Maura wanted it dropped, she had said as much earlier. She had pushed and pushed in an effort to get Maura to turn away from her, yet she refused. As hard as it would be, Jane knew the best thing would be to concentrate on what was going on between her and Maura, try to accept what was happening.

Jane made her way into her bedroom half hoping but not expecting to find Maura still there. The disappointment sat heavy when it was clear Maura had left, no note, no message. Jane sat down on the bed, listening to the faint noise of the city outside her window. She allowed herself to think of Maura and how it had felt to lie next to her, listening to her light breathing as she slept. How it felt to have Maura so close and so alive. That was the most important fact; Maura was alive. She was alive. Hunting Whileman down would only makes things worse and she could not afford to upset Maura again. Jane had to find a way to put this whole terrible ordeal behind her.

Maura answered immediately and that alone was a relief to Jane. "I was hoping you'd be here when I got back."

"Jane, I had to go into the office for a bit. I have so much to catch up on." Jane could hear the nervous hint to Maura's voice as she spoke.

"Isn't it too soon to be returning to work?" Jane wanted to return as well. She wanted everything to return to the way it was, but she also knew that nothing would be the same.

"I need to work. You need to recover." Maura sighed heavily into the phone. "Jane, tell me the truth. Your sight is still not one hundred percent is it?"

"I'm fine. Just anxious to get back to work myself." Jane lied as she tried to focus on her own reflection in the mirror. Her vision was better than it had been the night before when Maura was so upset with her, but still blurred when she tried to focus. Jane forced the disappointment from her voice, hoping Maura wouldn't notice. The truth was Jane was lost. She felt unsure of herself, of her feelings and her health. Everything seemed so clear when Maura was near and she was definitely feeling her absence.

"How about lunch in a few hours. I will come pick you up." Jane smiled at Maura's easy tone. It was evident Maura was also looking forward to things getting back to some sense of normalcy.

"I can drive myself, I don't always need a chauffer." Jane needed to regain her independence sooner than later for her own piece of mind.

"Actually no you can't. I know I'm not your doctor, but you really shouldn't be driving just yet, Jane." Maura was entitled to throw Jane's line from the night before in her face. In fact, Jane found herself somewhat amused by it.

"I have a physical therapy appointment. I'll reschedule." Jane didn't want to miss any opportunity to be with Maura and she definitely wasn't looking forward to the grueling workout that was ahead of her as an outpatient.

"No, you shouldn't do that. Please don't do that." Maura knew how important it was for Jane to stay on schedule with her therapy and also how important it was for Jane to be cleared to return to work. "We can meet after. Maybe invite Korsak and Frost and Frankie."

"Sounds like a party, Maura. What are we celebrating?"

"Nothing. Everything." Maura stammered a bit before dropping her voice an octave. "Maybe the fact we are all alive."

The silence was loud on both ends of the phone as both women realized how true a statement that really was. "Okay, Maura. Pick me up after my appointment. Don't be late, it's going to be torture enough being there for an hour."

Maura smiled to herself as she listened to Jane whine. She too was looking forward to being with Jane and figuring out what was happening to their relationship, but not at Jane's expense. Her health and state of mind were much too important to them both to be selfish.

Jane pushed through her workout with her therapist. She insisted that James call her Detective just to be difficult. After all she was the one that was injured and it was her department that was paying his salary. The least he could do was humor her reminding her of why she was killing herself all over again.

The sweat felt cool running down her back as she proved to James with each exercise that she was indeed still strong, still Jane, still Detective Rizzoli. She pushed herself harder than James wanted, wanting, needing to prove she was okay. It would be weeks before she would be fully cleared for duty, but she couldn't wait that long to prove to herself she would once again be capable.

Jane felt good as she pulled her bag from the locker she had selected. Maura would be there shortly, giving her just enough time to shower and change. She pulled the change of clothes from her bag which revealed her gun and badge that she had tucked carefully underneath. She was still a detective, she permitted to carry. Still on guard as her training had enforced. Jane reached in pulling her weapon from the protective sleeve and held it in her hand tightly. She didn't remember it feeling so heavy before as she slowly raised her left arm. She felt the burning in her shoulder as the muscles worked to hold her gun steady out in front of her. It took a few minutes before she realized her whole body was shaking, not just her arm. She let her arm fall to her side as she realized just how far she had to go mentally as well as physically. Who was she kidding? Detective Rizzoli was no where near ready to return.

Maura was right on time like Jane had requested and noticed immediately Jane's demeanor. She drove in silence knowing Jane would talk if she needed or wanted to. Physical therapy was not meant to be easy and Maura could tell it had not been an easy hour at all for Jane. It wasn't until Maura had parked the car that Jane made an attempt to speak what was on her mind.

"Maur, how are you ready to return to work already? Are you sure you're not pushing too fast?" Jane had reached out for Maura's arm causing her to stop in her movements.

"I'm really okay, Jane. Fully cleared by my doctor." Maura searched Jane's eyes as if she would be able to figure out what Jane needed.

"You nearly died. Twice. And here you are already back to work while I'm still trying to keep my balance on a friggin' treadmill." Maura smiled knowing Jane had chosen another word on her behalf.

"Jane, don't minimize the severity of your own injuries. You nearly died yourself. Head injuries are so very complicated." Maura waited for a response before continuing. "I know it's frustrating, but you are going to be back to your old self before you know it."

"I'm so frustrated I can't see straight." Jane smiled at Maura before exiting the car.

"That's not funny, Jane Rizzoli." Maura loved how Jane tried to make light of her fears. "Given the circumstances that is."

"I kind of thought it was." Jane shrugged as she watched Maura drop her keys into her purse. She loved watching Maura smile and she wondered if she would ever stop thinking about how she thought she never would be able to see that smile again.

Jane noticed the change in temperature as they made their way to the reserved table out on the terrace. It was slight but noticeable and many people had chosen to eat outdoors for that reason. Hopefully the worst summer in Boston history was nearing it's end and not too soon as far as Jane was concerned.

Frankie had spotted Jane and Maura as they approached and immediately poured Jane a beer from the pitcher he had ordered in her honor. Jane was more than ready for beer and loved her brother that much more for thinking ahead. Maura accepted the glass of beer Frost offered to her which surprised Jane. She smiled knowing Maura had changed her drink of choice on her behalf.

Jane relaxed against the back of her chair, taking in the people and the noise around her. She let her eyes skim the other patrons as they ate and talked with their respective parties. They were here to celebrate being alive. Maura sure knew how to make a statement, that particular one not lost on any of those present with her. Jane let her gaze fall on Korsak, Frost, Frankie and finally Maura. She watched Maura closely wondering if she were really feeling one hundred percent.

"If you'll excuse me." Maura stood causing Jane to do the same. "I just need to use the restroom."

"It's true women can't go to the restroom by themselves!" Frankie stated the obvious as Jane shot him a death glare. Maura recognized the fact Jane didn't want Maura out of her sight, but knew it was something they would have to work through.

"It's okay, Jane. I'll be right back." Maura encouraged Jane to sit back down as she hurried off.

"What?" Jane's defensive question caused Frankie and Frost to raise their hands in a surrendering position. Jane then looked to Korsak. "You too?"

"I don't know nothing about nothing." Korsak kept his eyes on his food, refusing to look up at Jane.

Jane shook her head refusing to give her colleagues the satisfaction of unnerving her. "Maybe I really had to go too." The laughter at the table was interrupted by a single gunshot that caused Jane and everybody else to jump. It was close and Jane's initial instinct was to cover her head. Jane didn't have a chance as she was grabbed from behind by a strong arm that threatened her breathing as it tightened around her neck. She was yanked up from her chair while she barely registered people immediately leaving the area.

Terry Whileman kept his hold tight on Jane while his gun was pressed into the side of her head. Jane tried to focus on Frost and Korsak, both who had their weapons drawn and aimed at Whileman. Her vision was blurring as she concentrated on breathing. Fear once again invaded her whole being as she realized Maura would be returning any moment.

"Shoot him!" Jane found herself in an all too familiar position as she pleaded with Frost, Korsak and even her brother to shoot Whileman. Jane could feel Terry's body behind her and she knew his hold was too tight for them to get a clean shot. It was very clear to Jane that Terry felt he had nothing to lose to attempt this in public like this.

"Terry, come on. Don't do this." Jane's voice faded in and out as she felt his hold on he tighten even more.

"I have nothing, Jane. You couldn't leave well enough alone. Now I have nothing!" Terry screamed as he rammed the gun harder into Jane's head. His hand was shaking and Jane knew the chances of the gun going off were even better with a nervous operator.

"Terry, listen to me." Korsak tried to distract Whileman hoping for a miracle. Korsak continued to try to talk Terry down while Jane continued against his hold. It was then that she caught Maura pushing her way through the crowd. Jane was unsure of the expression on Maura's face as she stopped far enough back that Terry hadn't seen her approaching.

Jane tried to focus on Maura, squeezing her eyes shut tight in a desperate attempt to clear her vision. Frost moved into a better position as Korsak kept Whileman talking. He watched Jane carefully for a few seconds before realizing she was trying to focus on Maura. Frost watched at Maura pulled a gun from her purse.

"Jane!" Frost hollered in an attempt to get Jane to look away from Maura before she saw her raise the gun. Whileman jerked around to face Frost, causing Jane to turn away from Maura as well. "It's not too late." Frost tightened his grip on his gun as he too tried to talk Terry into surrendering.

Whileman turned back to face Korsak as he once again demanded his attention. Jane could feel the gun as Terry continued to press it into her temple. "Shoot him!" Jane's voice was filled with fear and defeat as her struggling was beginning to wear her down. It was then that she saw Maura clearly.

"No, no, Maura!" Jane whispered as she was able to focus in on Maura who was prepared to fire the gun she had pointed at Terry Whileman. Jane closed her eyes when she realized the guilt Maura was dealing with. "It's okay, Maura."

Maura blinked away the tears that quickly filled her eyes, clouding her own vision. Her hold was steady as she watched Jane carefully. Jane pleaded with her eyes for Maura to drop the gun. She could feel the agitation growing in Terry as he shifted his weight constantly, pulling Jane with him. It would only be a few more seconds she guessed before Whileman ended it for the both of them.


	33. Chapter 33

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 33

I don't own R and I.

Jane could feel the sweat beginning to form on her forehead and then her back as she tried to judge just how close Terry held her to him. Her head was spinning as everybody's movements seemed to be in slow motion. The more she tried to focus on Maura, the more Terry turned, making it nearly impossible to see into Maura's eyes. Jane focused in on Korsak as he tried desperately to talk Terry down; Vince's eyes trying to hold Jane's.

Maura watched Terry, Frost and Jane as the gun she was holding seemed heavier and heavier by the minute. It wasn't until her eyes connected with Frost's that she was able to grip the gun tight enough to feel in control of it. Maura wanted to focus on Jane, but Frost demanded she watch him. He demanded she keep her focus on him and not what was going on with Jane.

Detective Frost slowly moved to his right, silently directing Maura to do the same, only to her left. The shift brought Maura into Terry Whileman's view and he instantly trained his gun then on her. Maura kept her eyes on Frost who continued to move despite his command for Maura to hold still. Maura wanted to look at Jane, but Barry insisted she keep focused on him. He was setting up the shot for her and if Maura's heart was beating erratically, she would've never known. She refused to let Jane down this time, she just prayed she had practiced enough to be accurate. Maura pushed the thought of hitting Jane from her mind, although that very fear was almost blinding to her as she focused now on Terry Whileman.

"Maura!" Jane's voice was stressed and it took every ounce of strength Maura could manage not to look at her. "Maura, don't do this. Okay? Maura, look at me."

Maura cringed at the pleading she heard in Jane's voice. It sounded like the look she had on her face back at the train yard when she wanted her to shoot. No, she wouldn't let Jane down again.

"Maura!" Jane's voice was no more than a whisper against the louder, stronger sound of Frost's voice as it carried through the restaurant. He dumped a table and yelled Jane's name, causing Whileman to turn toward the commotion. Feeling Whileman's movement, Jane's instincts told her somebody would fire at that moment and she was correct. She instinctively dropped, covering her head with her arms. One gunshot went off instantly and Jane could do nothing but fall onto the ground and wait for the ringing in her ears to stop.

She tried to open her eyes, only to clamp them shut tight when her vision was not much more than the familiar blur.

It was then that she looked up toward Maura who had yet to lower the gun she had been holding. Jane tried to get to her feet, but her movements were uncoordinated, causing her to clumsily crawl toward Maura. She glanced back to see Korsak and Frost tending to Terry Whileman while Frankie frantically tried to help Jane. Jane barely registered her brother's hands on her as she closed in on Maura who was undoubtedly in shock. "Maura?"

Maura's eyes shifted to find Jane and the small movement sent a sense of relief down Jane's spine. She had forced herself to her feet, as she shielded Maura with her own body now from the curious on-lookers. Jane carefully placed both of her hands on Maura's hands before then moving them to her gun. "Maura, it's okay."

Jane was relieved when Maura relaxed enough to allow Jane to physically lower her arms, until the gun was angled down. "Maura, look at me. Please, look at me."

Maura realized then what had happened. "I'm sorry, Jane. I know you said not to but…"

"Shhh, It's okay. It's over now." Jane quickly shifted the gun behind her back where Frankie instantly took it from her. "It's over now."

Maura collapsed, her full weight falling into Jane. Jane let her pull them both back down to the ground as she recognized what was happening to Maura. It was all so surreal and the reality was beginning to settle. Jane knew they would have to address the what if's, the could of's, and the might of's. As Maura latched on, Jane was content enough to simply deal with what didn't happen. Maura was feeling the full effects of the aftermath of her actions, and Jane was more than happy to let her take her time to get her bearings.

Maura looked up at Jane as if she just remembered the danger she was in only moments ago. She instantly placed both her hands on Jane's face while she frantically searched Jane's body for blood. Jane reached for Maura's hands to stop her movements. "I'm okay. I'm fine, Maura. You did it."

Maura's eyes firmly latched onto Jane's. Jane smiled as the realization crossed her friend's face. "Yeah, you did it." Maura slowly smiled at the tone of Jane's voice and how different it was now.

"If only I would've…when Benjamin…back at the…" Maura lowered her eyes then, watching as Jane flexed her hands around Maura's fingers.

"No, Maura. Don't do that. You did this time, you did it." Jane's voice cracked with each word as she pulled Maura in close to her. "You saved me." Jane wasn't sure who was shaking more, but she was certain that it really didn't matter. She just held on while Maura fought against and then eventually lost her battle against the tears. It was all so overwhelming and Maura had been nothing short of a rock. She was entitled to whatever breakdown she felt she needed.

Jane looked up as Frost and Korsak approached them. The slight shake of Korsak's head told Jane what she needed to know. Terry Whileman did not make it. Jane's instant relief was quickly replaced by concern for Maura. How would she deal with taking a life? Jane returned her attention back to Maura only to realize she had looked up as well, receiving the same message from Korsak.

"Maura, he would have killed Jane. That was his only agenda." Frost spoke calmly to Maura. "You did what you had to do."

Maura nodded, working quickly to compose herself. She worked her way free of Jane's hold, getting to her feet. "I probably need to pronounce him."

"No. You don't." Jane forced herself up to her feet as well, quickly stepping in front of Maura. "Somebody's else can handle this one."

"I am the Chief Medical Examiner…" Maura seemed disoriented as Jane was quick to cut her off.

"Not today. Let somebody else handle it." Jane ignored the requests from the paramedics as she tried to read Maura. "It's over, it's finally over."

Jane let Frost pull her away from Maura, insisting she be checked out. Jane knew she was going to refuse medical, but her head was killing her. She watched closely as Korsak stayed by Maura's side while she was questioned. Jane followed the pen light of the paramedic as directed, only looking away from Maura as long as she had to. It wasn't until she was asked to close her eyes that she realized her balance was terribly off.

"No, I'm not going to the hospital. I'm fine." Jane shook off the paramedic as he encouraged her to sit.

"Jane, it wouldn't hurt." Frost had noticed Jane's slight stumble and was instantly by her side.

"I can't go back there, Barry." Jane couldn't hide the fear in her voice at what was going on with her head.

"Just let them check you out. Cavenaugh's probably going to insist anyway." Barry was desperately trying to be the voice of reason. "He was pretty rough with that gun."

Jane seemed to have left the scene as her eyes were fixated on nothing just to her left. Barry's words were not much more than a murmur as she remembered showing Maura how to hold her gun last year. She thought about how she prayed Maura would take the shot back at the train yard. She thought about the guilt she knew Maura was carrying because she didn't fire at Benjamin.

"Barry, where was Whileman hit?" Jane kept her eyes turned away despite sensing her partner squat down next to her.

"Head. The only place he could've been hit…without hitting you." Frost knew what was coming and couldn't help but feel a sense of pride at what Maura was able to accomplish.

"It was definitely Maura's shot?"

"Only round fired. It was definitely Maura's gun, yes." Frost waited anxiously for Jane to confirm what she suspected all along.

"She faced her fears because of her guilt." Jane shook her head wondering when Maura practiced. "That was a difficult shot. The timing had to be…"

"Perfect, and it was." Frost repositioned himself in front of Jane so that his partner had no choice but to look at him. "She wanted to learn. She asked me to help her."

"Why didn't she ask me?" Jane felt an unjustified sense of jealousy.

"You're not well, Jane. She knows that. This is something she felt she needed to do." Frost stood to full height, relieved when Jane did the same. "I, for one, am glad she did."

"Can you please look out for Maura? You know they're going to drag this out." Jane motioned to the paramedic who seemingly was taking no for an answer. "My head is killing me."

Frost waited until the ambulance doors closed and the vehicle slowly began to drive away before making his way over to Maura and Korsak and the half dozen investigators who all wanted every detail. Maura instantly caught Barry's eye as he approached. He knew she had seen Jane leave and the fear and concern in her eyes told him she would insist on joining her.

"Just precautionary." Frost shared a look with Maura that confirmed he was reading her mind. Jane would never go to the hospital unless it was totally necessary. "She went for you. She doesn't want you to worry about her."

Frost stepped away and watched as Maura relaxed into the questions that were being hurled at her. Korsak was quick to intervene when he could, but the good doc was holding her own. He let himself let out a long breath, finally letting his shoulders relax. Things could have gone so wrong. Frost watched as the investigators made their way over to him. He would have to give his statement and that was the least he could do. He admired his partner, truly believing she was the strongest, bravest woman he knew. He wondered if Dr. Maura Isles wasn't taking that crown from Jane. He wasn't sure if he understood what was happening between the two of them, and he wondered if they did either. He knew it wasn't his business who Jane chose to love, it was however his business that she made it home each day to the one she chose to love. He took his partnership seriously and he knew Jane did as well.

The questions were routine and Frost struggled to keep his mind on the task at hand. He smiled through his answers as he remembered how determined Maura was to improve her accuracy. How she dragged him to the shooting range at least once a day until she felt confident. Each day he argued how slim the chances were that she would ever have to shoot the gun she insisted on owning. Each day she ignored him and made him sign her in. He had no doubt in his mind that Maura would take the shot. He knew though that whether or not she hit the intended target depended on how much Jane trusted Maura. Maura had a split second to react and she performed like a seasoned sniper. Frost wanted to take credit for the successful outcome of today's tragic event, but knew Maura deserved the hero status he knew she would decline.

Frost looked up as Maura stood a few yards away, watching him field his numerous questions. She smiled when she got his attention and Frost instantly knew where she was headed. He was surprised only that it had taken her this long to leave the scene. Frost watched as Frankie stayed close to Maura, a promise he was sure Jane's brother made without being asked.

Jane listened to the sounds of the emergency room chaos and breathed in deep relieved that she was well enough to have been seemingly forgotten. She had consented to numerous tests and knew she was looking at quite a few hours at best. The pain in Jane's head was constant, but the severity was nothing like she experienced earlier. She wondered if she would always be worried over a simple common headache. She kept her eyes closed which seemed to stop the pounding at least some.

Maura was escorted back to where Jane was resting comfortably, stopping just outside her room. The sight of Jane, lying motionless with her eyes closed, caused Maura to catch her breath. How close Jane had come once again to leaving her for good. They had gone through so much together, that Maura wondered if she would survive without her. Maura's heart dropped when Jane seemed to react to a sudden pain in her head.

"Maura!" Jane called out.

Maura quickly made her way to Jane's side, instantly grabbing her hand with her own. "I'm here, Jane. I'm here. What is it?"

"You're thinking too loud." Jane never opened her eyes, but the small smile that followed her words was enough to make Maura breathe once again. "I was blind which made all my other senses that much stronger. I can hear you. I can hear what you're thinking."

Maura couldn't help but laugh at Jane's statement. "Okay, Detective. What is it I'm thinking?"

Jane opened her eyes, thankful for the clear picture before her. "You're wondering if you looked badass."

Jane smiled at Maura's reaction.

"Crying and nearly throwing up is hardly badass." Maura laughed despite the tension that threatened her entire body.

"Nah, Frost still throws up when he has to shoot at somebody." Jane squeezed Maura's hand hoping to relieve the tension she was feeling from her. "You definitely were badass."

Maura's smile slowly faded as she watched Jane's smile disappear as well. "I was scared to death, Jane."

"I know you were. I was scared to death as well." Jane rubbed the top of Maura's hand with her thumb. "You didn't let your fear stop you…from saving me."

Maura fought back a sob as she listened to the emotion in Jane's voice as she spoke. "I hope you don't let your fear stop you…from loving me."


	34. Chapter 34

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 34

I don't own R and I.

Jane slowly made her way into the waiting room where she immediately spotted Maura as she stared straight ahead at nothing in particular. Frost and Frankie were positioned on either side of the exhausted medical examiner as they too waited. Jane's heart sank as she could see the turmoil that showed through Maura's facial features. Maura was used to working with the dead, examining and determining cause of death. Actually causing the death was not something she was at all accustomed to. Jane wondered if that was something anybody ever got used to.

It had been a long day for all of them and Jane took the few moments afforded her to study her partner and her brother as they waited as well for word on her condition. She let her mind drift to when both of their lives were in danger due to the vendetta against her. Her gaze then landed on Maura again and she felt her skin grow cold as she recalled all she had been through lately. It wasn't right; wasn't fair that Maura had to endure all she had and was still waiting and worrying about Jane.

It was only a few seconds later that Maura sensed Jane and looked up to see her leaning against the wall just short of the waiting room. Their eyes locked and neither moved. It was as if they both needed just a little more time before dealing with the next chapter. Maura could all but read Jane as she explained simply through her expression that she checked out fine and wouldn't require any other immediate medical care.

"Can we please get out of here? I'm really beginning to hate hospitals." Jane's voice was a welcome interruption to the silence that had seemed to claim them all. She watched as her brother and Frost were quick to get to their feet and approach her. It was evident to them both that although Jane was aware of the commotion around her, it was Maura she focused on.

Jane watched as Maura stood, her stance unsteady as the days events were proving too much. Jane wanted to go to her, to steady her, but the look in Maura's eyes told her to stay back. Maura's next steps were toward the exit doors and not toward Jane at all. Her expression confused Jane as she hurried to catch up to Maura before she could leave the hospital.

"Maura, wait! Talk to me."

"Jane, I'm really tired. I just want to go home and lie down." Maura searched Jane's eyes for at least some understanding.

"Are you feeling okay? Did you get checked out? Maybe we should get you checked out." Jane frantically looked from Frost to Frankie, hoping one or the other would back her now.

"I'm fine, Jane. Just would like to be alone." Maura offered a slight smile before reaching out to touch Jane's arm. "Maybe you should go home and get some rest as well. I'm sure that was in the doctor's orders."

Jane watched as Maura turned then and left the three of them standing there wondering what had just happened. "What just happened?"

"You're asking me?" Frost rubbed the top of his head as he too watched Maura until she disappeared from his view. "I can't figure out one woman, let alone two."

Jane's glare caused Frost to pass the buck to Frankie who was just as clueless. "I think she's just tired. She's been through a lot Jane."

Jane shook her head, closing her eyes as the headache she had experienced earlier was beginning to return. "I know that, Frankie. I know exactly how much she's been through."

"Come on, I'll take you home. You probably should lie down and rest as well." Frankie guided Jane towards the door, determined to take care of his older sister.

"I need to go to her. I need to make sure she's alright." Jane stopped Frankie and stared him down until he conceded.

"Jane, you heard her. She wants to be alone right now."

"Yeah, Frankie, I heard what she said." Jane headed out of the hospital without waiting for her brother to return a comment.

Frankie grabbed Jane by the arm when he caught up to her. "What are you doing? I'll take you there if that's what you want."

Jane let her thoughts roam as she waited for Frankie to get into his car alongside her. Maura had been through so much because of her. Maybe she did want to be left alone, but Jane didn't want to leave her alone. Not now, not like this. "Come on Frankie, drive!"

Frankie shut the car off in front of Maura's house, causing Jane to look his way. "I'll wait, because she's going to throw you out."

"She's not going to throw me out." Jane's tone wasn't as confident as she would've liked and Frankie picked up on it immediately. "She won't."

Jane waved Frankie on once she got out of his car and started the approach to Maura's front door. She knew the last thing Maura needed was to be left alone. The last thing she wanted was to leave Maura alone. "She's got to let me in before she can throw me out." Jane mumbled as she waited longer than expected for Maura to answer the door.

"Jane, it's not a good time." Maura answered the door, but blocked access into her home.

"Then you'll have to give me a ride home. I'm not really feeling up to running tonight." Jane's crooked grin had Maura caving within a few seconds as she stepped aside. Jane studied Maura carefully as she made her way into the house. "We need to talk about what happened today."

"I'm sure I will have to formally speak to someone, until then I just want to go to bed and forget about it all." Maura made her way into the kitchen pulling out two bottles of water, offering one to Jane.

"No beer?" Jane took the water and sat down at the counter waiting to see if Maura would do the same. The confused, pained expression on Maura's face tore into Jane as she watched her friend fidget with the bottle. It wasn't until Maura's eyes met Jane's that she decided to have a seat as well. "Talk to me, Maura?"

Maura stared straight ahead, willing herself not to look at Jane. The silence was deafening as Jane was careful to be patient. She gently touched Maura's hand hoping to get her to look her way. "Talk to me." Jane's voice was barely above a whisper.

Maura tried to control the tears that were forming as the plea in Jane's voice was impossible to ignore. "I killed a man today."

Jane kept quiet as she focused on Maura's movements. Her head was pounding but she was desperate for Maura to continue. The agonizing silence was back as both women simply stared at one another. Jane could see the confusion that was Maura and hoped she would know what to say to help her.

"I examine them. I determine cause of death, I don't decide it." Maura looked away as she spoke.

"You didn't decide it. Whileman did." Jane was careful as she spoke; the last thing she wanted was for Maura to shut down.

"You are used to shooting people. You are used to killing people if you have to. I'm not, Jane. This is not me. This is not what I do!" Maura's voice grew louder as she voiced her thoughts. Maura covered her face with her hands as she struggled to control her emotions.

"Hey." Jane moved her chair closer so that she was nearly touching Maura before gently pulling her hands down away from her face. "Is that how you see me?"

Maura stared into Jane's eyes, hating what she was seeing. "No, of course not. I just…you seem to…I don't know Jane."

"No, you do know. Tell me what you're thinking." Jane was adamant in her delivery causing Maura to shift in her seat to face her.

"You knew what to do when Drayson…when Bradley…you knew when to fire, where to shoot him, how to kill him." Maura seemed angry with her words which caused Jane to back away with a confused expression.

"So, you're upset about Bradley?" Jane was stalling as she frantically searched her mind for the answers that would somehow make this okay, for them both.

"Aren't you? You haven't even mentioned him since you killed him. Did he mean that little to you?" Jane took a few deep breaths, trying to steady herself from Maura's accusing tone.

"I didn't realize he meant that _much_ to you." Jane tried not to match Maura's tone with her own, but realized she was failing miserably. The glare that followed from Maura was enough to make her quickly backpedal. "Maura, he was threatening to kill you. I couldn't let that happen."

"You had to kill him?" Maura turned to walk away causing Jane to quickly reach out, grabbing her arm.

"It was him or you. Don't you understand that? I know you do. I know you know what I mean." Jane narrowed her eyes as she fought against the blurred vision once again. She cursed to herself as she realized she was getting worked up and that was affecting her headache and subsequently, her vision.

"Jane, you haven't mentioned him at all. How do you just block all that out. He was your lover, somebody you obviously cared about." Maura pulled her arm from Jane's grasp. "I just don't understand how you could kill somebody you care about like that and have it not affect you."

Jane turned away from Maura at her words, her breath catching as she felt like Maura had slapped her. Maybe Frankie was right. Maybe she should've left Maura alone, at least for tonight. Jane started towards the front door, letting Maura's words filter through her mind. No, she couldn't do this. Not right now. Maura was right, this was not a good time. The evening humidity was thick as Jane opened the front door. Summer was not over just yet and the warm, stale air as well as Maura's words did nothing but take Jane back to the abandoned train yard; back to Bradley, back to Bradley's gun against Maura's head. No, she couldn't leave, not yet, not like this.

Jane closed the door and slowly turned to find Maura staring at her. "I'm sorry, Jane. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean…I just don't understand…Why didn't you tell me about Bradley?"

Maura turned as Jane walked past her and reclaimed her position at the counter. "You always have at least a few beers in your fridge." Jane was searching. Searching for something, anything that would break the tension just a bit. Her head hurt, her heart hurt worse. This was going to be a tough conversation and she had no idea what to say. She was going to have to explain something to Maura that she didn't exactly understand herself. Her smile was forced as she took the cold bottle from Maura. She was pleased but also nervous once Maura returned to her seat as well. Jane could feel Maura's eyes on her and knew she had to say something, quickly.

"I am a trained homicide detective. Trained, Maura." Jane was careful to keep her voice low, it was easy to control the emotion in it that way. "A trained Boston police officer. We are taught what to do in these situations. However, you can't train for every possible scenario. What happened back at the train yard was never addressed at the academy."

"Jane…"

"Wait, Maura, okay?" Jane regrouped knowing what she had to say was so important to Maura. "I had been dating Bradley for a few months. It was nothing major, dinner here or there. Nothing to really share. I wasn't keeping him a secret intentionally. Just didn't want to have to admit to the guys why another possible husband got away." Jane relaxed a little as it seemed Maura did as well.

"Did anybody know?" Maura's voice was barely audible as she hesitated to interrupt.

"No. I didn't know he was involved. He was…with me when I got your call." Jane hated the hurt look that Maura tried but couldn't hide at her confession. "I had no clue, Maura that he would do this to you, to me. He wanted revenge along with his father and he got it…and then some."

"You were intimate?"

Jane wanted to lie, but couldn't. Not to Maura. She simply shook her head, refusing to meet Maua's gaze.

"So how do you shoot somebody you care about like that? Then you haven't even mentioned it since." Maura needed answers.

"Things have been a mess since the shooting. Your life, my life, Frankie, Frost. Jesus, Maura we've had quite a bit going on." Jane was trying so hard to stay in control. "I've thought about it, but I can't afford to dwell on it."

"So you just ignore it." Maura's words cut into Jane once again. Was she trying to fight?

"No, I will address it when I have to get my head shrunk. Procedure" Jane moved closer to Maura and waited until Maura looked her directly in the eyes. "You may not completely understand how scared I was when I had to make that shot. Bradley was nervous and jumpy. He was not in control. I knew I would have to take the shot and I knew I could not miss."

Maura stared into Jane's eyes hard. "Do you see me okay, Jane?"

"I see you, Maura. I see you just fine." Jane smiled then in an attempt to reassure her friend. "Do you hear what I'm saying to you? There was no choice. Bradley was no longer anybody I cared about once he put you in danger. You can't train for that, for that specific kind of fear."

"Weren't you afraid of shooting me?" Maura wiped at the tears that had involuntarily fallen with her words.

"I was scared to death. Being trained is no guarantee that I wouldn't miss." Jane's voice was shaking as she cleared her throat to continue. "That's why you trained with Frost isn't it? Because you didn't take the shot on Benjamin."

"I was scared, Jane. I had never fired a gun. I would never be able to live with myself if I had shot you. Instead I watched as he hurt you so badly. I had to know if ever I had to take a shot…if anything ever happened…I just wanted to be able to do whatever it took."

Jane took Maura's hands in her own then, letting her thumbs rest gently on top. "You saved my life. You took the shot. I knew you were scared. We were all scared. Whileman had nothing to lose at that point. He knew how it would end. Him or me. You chose me. Just like I chose you."

"There really was no choice to be made." Maura smiled then sending relief through Jane's entire body.

"There really was no choice for me either, Maura. I could never chose Bradley over you." Jane's smile seemed to relax Maura as her grip on Jane's hands loosened.

"I'm going to need help dealing with this, aren't I?" Maura pulled away from Jane then, suddenly embarrassed for reacting the way she did.

"Yeah, you will. So will I." Jane carefully reached out, using her fingers to turn Maura's face to hers. "We'll get through this, okay?"

Maura shook her head slightly as concern invaded her every being. "Jane, are you sure you can see me okay?"

Jane closed her eyes, only to open them again. Her focus was on Maura's eyes as she answered truthfully. "I have never seen anything more beautiful than what I see now. It was when I couldn't see that everything became clear to me. That was when I saw you, Maura. Really saw you."

Maura shook her head. "I was not fair to you, Jane. I shouldn't have…"

"No, no, no. Not being able to see was not the scariest thing I've ever faced. Not being able to see you again, terrified me." Jane fought her own tears then as she struggled for the right words. "I had no choice but to listen. No choice but to feel. I listened to what I was feeling and everything was so very clear."

"What do you see, Jane?"

"I see you, Maura. I see _you." Jane closed her eyes as Maura's lips found hers. She wanted to remember what she saw when she couldn't actually see. She wanted to feel what she heard when she had no choice but to listen to her heart. Sure they had so many things to work through, but Jane knew nothing would be as important as this very kiss. The fact that Maura was alive; the fact that Jane was alive. The fact that her heart could see so very clearly. They would be alright._

_Maura jumped when Jane did as her phone went off on her hip. Maura watched as Jane reached down and silenced the ringing interruption. "Might be important."_

"_Nothing that can't wait." Jane took Maura's face in her hands. "Nothing more important than this." _

_Jane kept her eyes open as she kissed Maura. She wanted to see everything she was feeling. Nothing was more important than this time together and Jane fought against closing her eyes for fear she would never be able to see anything as perfect again. _


	35. Chapter 35

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 35

I don't own R and I.

Boston weather never bothered Jane either way, winter or summer. It was the cold, summer heat that would now always cause Jane to question her instincts, her abilities and her resolve.

The air was heavy, warm, almost stifling as Jane made her way out into the Boston night. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself as she walked, keeping her head down against the pounding in her head. She tried to ignore the pain, tried to erase the memories as she made her way further and further from Maura's house. It was a long walk home to her place, but Jane had to go. She didn't want to leave Maura, but she knew she couldn't stay either. Her head was spinning and her heart was burning.

Sleeping with Maura was nothing she hadn't done before, but loving Maura was something entirely different. Maura was a mess, emotionally, and Jane cared too much for her to allow their kiss to take them down a road neither woman was ready to travel. Maura had asked Jane to stay, at least until she fell asleep. An easy request to honor, or so Jane had originally thought. The more she looked at Maura, the more she touched her, the more she wanted. She wanted to know what was happening between them. She needed to know if their feelings were as a result of their recent experiences, the trauma and guilt that was affecting them both. She needed to step back, just a bit to make sure they were both okay. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Leaving Maura asleep in her bed was hard, but staying with her would be harder. Hopefully Maura understood, for Jane knew she had never felt so confused.

Jane closed her eyes as her headache intensified. "It's just the stress of the day. I'm just overly tired." Talking to herself out loud seemed to help just a bit as she picked up the pace. She worked to keep Maura from seeing the pain she felt as she lied with her on the bed. Silencing her with a kiss each time she began to question. Jane didn't want Maura worried about her, but she also knew Maura was just too intuitive to not know something was wrong.

Jane's entire body ached as she varied her pace. Maybe she should've just stayed put at Maura's for the night. Her journey home was becoming more and more difficult the further she traveled and it wasn't long before she could feel the sweat running down her face and back. Jane willed herself to keep moving, knowing she was in no shape to run. She wanted to though; she wanted to get home and lie down before she gave up and fell down in the street.

The pleading in Maura's voice pulled at Jane as she agreed to stay. She watched Maura as she struggled to stay awake, hoping she would rest peacefully when she finally gave in. Maura had been through so much and the guilt continued to consume Jane. The last thing Jane wanted was for Maura to ignore her own needs to care for her. She had to get out of there, get home where she could deal with the pain that was causing her to feel nauseous. Jane's muscles were sore, her shoulder ached and her head was killing her. She argured with herself about whether to go back. What if Maura woke with a nightmare about the shooting and needed her? Jane cursed herself for being so insensitive; so selfish. She continued on until she arrived home, praying she would make it to her bed before collapsing.

Jane let her body fall onto her bed. She ignored the fact she should change. She decided against taking the pain pills that were supposed to give her at least some relief. Nothing would offer the relief she needed or the escape she wanted. Her health scared her, her physical limitations were apparent, and her relationship with Maura was changing. She nearly lost her brother and her partner. She nearly lost her own life as well all because of an unfortunate chain of events years ago. Jane closed her eyes tightly against the pain in her head that was now louder than her own thoughts. It shouldn't be long now, hopefully it wouldn't be much longer before Jane would lose consciousness. She prayed that things would seem clearer to her when she woke. She forced the thought out of her mind that maybe she wouldn't wake. Her head throbbed and even hurt when she brought her hands up to it. She should take something instead of suffering. She might should call somebody as the pain was familiar to what she had just recenty experienced. In the morning. In the morning she would call if her headache wasn't gone.

Now I lay me down to sleep...Jane smiled despite the intense pain at the childhood prayer she would recite each night. If I should die before I wake...


	36. Chapter 36

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 36

I don't own R and I.

Jane cursed out loud at the light that pulled her from her dream. She could see Maura so clearly when it was dark; when she closed her eyes. Everything seemed so easy, so comfortable. It was when she was forced to look that things became complicated. What was she doing? What were they doing?

Morning had arrived too soon. Jane's body fought against her as she forced herself into a sitting position. She grabbed her head with both hands anticipating the disabling pain that had consumed her just a few hours ago.

She felt rough, very much like life was way ahead of her all of the sudden. Her pain was now a dull ache and the relief was enough to encourage her to get out of the bed. She needed to get out of the bed. She needed to get a grip on what was going on. Maura was going to need help dealing with the shooting. Maura was going to need her. Maura needed her to stay last night and she deserted her. Jane defied her pain in favor of the fear. The pain made her scared, but it was the fear that made her leave.

Jane layed back on the bed. She truly was at a loss as to her feelings. The fear that nearly disabled her when Maura was taken wasn't surprising nor was the guilt. They were already close, but now Jane found it difficult to breathe when she worried about Maura. She found herself struggling to get a deep breath in now as she wondered if Maura would be upset with her leaving last night.

Darkness consumed Jane again as she closed her eyes. She found it ironic that as scared as she was about not being able to see again, she preferred the darkness more and more. Things seemed to make more sense to her when she couldn't see anything. Jane wondered if Maura was questioning what was happening between them as well or just accepted it for what it was. What was it? What was it that had Jane so scared; so confused? Jane thought about their kiss from the night before and all that was shared with it. Never had she felt so many different emotions with a single kiss. Never before had she been able to completely block out everything and just feel. Never had she even thought about kissing another woman and here she was thinking only of Maura. What seemed wrong when they were apart felt right when Maura was in front of her. Jane could feel herself drifting off again and she knew she wouldn't fight it. Her body so exhausted, her mind so consumed with questions.

Jane thought she had left her gun on her bedside table, cursing to herself when she realized she hadn't. The loud, persistant knocking on her front door was unnerving at best and Jane forced herself up from the bed. She would have to kill whoever insisted on waking her without her gun.

"You look like hell." Frankie was not a welcomed sight for Jane so early in the morning and she made sure to tell him just that. Frankie made his way into her apartment, watching as Jane attempted to go back to bed.

"I'm still tired. Still alive, if that's why you're here, but tired." Jane gave her brother a dirty look and headed for her bedroom.

"It's after two in the afternoon. You haven't answered your phone. I was worried. That's why I'm here." Frankie picked up her phone, shaking his head at the missed calls. "That and Maura called me."

"Is she okay?" Jane turned, taking a few steps toward her brother when she heard Maura's name.

"You'd probably know had you anwered any of her calls this morning." Frankie watched as Jane's expression changed with his words. "What happened last night? She said you were having trouble seeing again."

"I was seeing fine." Jane snatched her phone from Frankie, squinting to read the screen. Maura had called four different times. "Just had a bad headache and wanted to come home and go to bed. What's so bad about that?"

"What's so bad about that is that it's after two in the afternoon!" Frankie's frustration was evident, but Jane didn't seem to care. "A bad headache for you is nothing to ignore, Jane. You know that."

"I'm fine. Had sort of a bad day yesterday." Jane's sarcasm was a hint that she was feeling at least somewhat better. "Having a gun put to your head sometimes causes bad headaches."

Frankie stared Jane down before deciding to ask her another question. "What happened with Maura?"

Jane glared at her younger brother and thought about throwing him out. She remembered back at the hospital when it was Frankie who made her understand about how Maura was feeling about her. Jane pushed her hair back out of her face as she let herself fall down onto her couch. "She's got a lot to work through. She's been through so much, Frankie."

"What happened, Jane?"

"She's confused, I think, about how I could shoot Bradley the way I did. How I could kill somebody I cared about. Frankie, he didn't want to hurt Maura, but he did want to hurt me." Frankie silently encouraged Jane to continue. "He was scared, nervous, angry. I had to take him out before he hurt her."

"Jane, what happened last night with Maura." Frankie knew Jane was confused and he knew she was intentionally avoiding his question.

"I didn't want to leave her, is that where you're going with this?" Jane suddenly seemed irritated. "I couldn't stay. Things were just...too much."

"Right. Your headache." Frankie smiled just enough to really irritate his sister.

"I don't want her worrying about me like that. I've caused her enough grief." Jane let her head fall into her hands for a few seconds before sitting up. She let out a breath realizing her headache was nearly gone for the time being.

"I think it's a bit too late for that." Frankie smiled as he watched Jane struggle with her feelings. "Own it, Jane."

"Own what, little brother? I have no clue what's going on with us. I think the stress of all that's gone on is affecting her feelings for me. And mine for her." Jane added her last thought when Frankie slightly shook his head.

Frankie sat down next to Jane on the couch. He made her look him in the eye. "Do you love her?"

"What? Yeah, of course I do." Jane was uncomfortable and Frankie knew it.

"Maybe it took something this traumatic to make you realize that. I never knew the great Detective Jane Rizzoli to run from anything." The silence that followed seemed louder than any noise Jane had ever heard.

Frankie headed toward the door. "Call her later, she's worried. Right now she's at the station being interviewed and questioned about her involvement yesterday."

Jane stared after her brother. "Frankie, did you ever think I'd fall for a woman?"

Frankie's smile reminded Jane of when they were younger. "No. Is that what's happening, Jane?"

"It just blows my mind that I could feel this way about another woman." Jane felt anything but grounded on this and it showed.

"We don't chose who we love, Jane." Frankie took a few step toward his older sister. "Don't look at it as if you've fallen for another woman. Look at like you've finally opened your eyes and saw Maura. It's clear enough to everybody else."

Jane opened her mouth to protest but decided better. She had fallen for Maura and that fact alone was enough to scare the hell out of her. Frankie was right, she wasn't one to run from anything. That didn't mean she wasn't scared. She was terrified of her feelings and how strong they were.

Jane had to clear her head. She had to find a balance; something to help her sort through all that had happened. She would have to talk it through with the department shrink, she knew that. It was procedure and necessary before she would be cleared for active duty. She needed to get back to work. She needed something that was normal; routine. The hearing protection served it's purpose as all outside noise was blocked from her head. The protective glasses were required and Jane put them on despite detesting the very sight of them. This kind of protection isn't avaliable when you're out in the field. You hear it all. You see it all. You feel it all.

Jane held her gun tightly as she carefully raised her arm. It felt so heavy and her shoulder protested the position. She held her arm out for as long as she could before dropping it to her side. The throbbing only dragged her back to the small, stale train room where Benjamin had caused what she was feeling now. Jane closed her eyes and could easily see the panic on Maura's face. How she wanted her to take that shot. Jane remembered pleading with Maura to just try. Just try, Maura. Jane raised her arm quickly and fired. Her arm trembled and shook, but she fired again. And again. She again defied her pain in favor of her fear and she was afraid of everything it seemed.

Jane pushed the button and watched as her target came towards her. She stared at the holes realizing how bad her aim was, wondering if it was her arm or her vision that had caused her to miss her intended mark. She was not ready to even think about returning to work and that thought alone was enough to scare her. Jane sent the target back out and waited. She raised her arm again against the pain that was becoming quickly familiar. She emptied her gun this time, her thoughts were of Bradley, Benjamin, Terry Whileman and finally Maura.

The sound of gunfire around her did nothing to shake Jane from her thoughts. She closed her eyes without shifting her position at all. She allowed her arm to slowly fall to her side, refusing to loosen her grip on her gun. Maura took the shot. She took the shot and killed Terry Whileman before he could kill her. She faced her fear, and took the shot. Jane could feel the single tear that pooled at the bottom of her glasses. Still she didn't move. Still she kept her eyes closed. Maura was so strong, she was the one who didn't run from anything.

"Do I look badass, Jane?" Jane smiled to herself as she thought back to when she tried to teach Maura how to hold a gun. Seemed like forever ago. So much had happened since then that Jane did find herself questioning if what she was feeling was as a direct result of all that they had both been through.

Jane slowly put her gun away and slowly began to remove her eyes and ears. She flinched slightly as the sounds of the gun range flooded her head immediately and were so very loud. She waited for her target to come back in to her and simply stared at the inaccuracy that was her right now.

"It will take some time." Jane closed her eyes to the soft sounds of Maura's voice directly behind her. She felt Maura's fingers on her arm, gently asking her to turn and face her. Jane wanted to see Maura, but she didn't want Maura to see her like this; a defeated mess. "I'm sure you're arm needs to heal some more at the very least."

"Yeah." Jane worked to keep her eyes from focusing on Maura's.

"Why did you leave last night, Jane?" the disappointment was louder than the volume and Maura could see the effect her question had on Jane.

"Just wanted to go home and sleep in my own bed. Head was hurting and I didn't want to keep you up." Jane focused in on Maura eyes now as the doubt she saw in them confused her.

"Did you need to step back a bit? I know you're confused. I know you need time to heal." Maura took a small step back away from Jane to symbolize her offer for space. Maura could feel the confusion in Jane's touch before she left during the night.

Jane stared at Maura for a few long seconds. The last thing she wanted was for Maura to back away from her. What she wanted to do was take Maura's face in her hands and kiss her as if nobody was around. As if nothing else mattered but them. She loved how clear everything seemed when it was just them. "You almost died. I almost died. Bradley did die as did his father. Whileman died. Frost. Frankie."

"Jane, I get it. There is so much to process right now. I don't want to push you. I won't." Maura gave Jane a few seconds to respond and when she didn't she turned and left.

She went from wanting to kiss Maura to making her leave. This was going to be harder than she already figured. Jane picked her gun back up and loaded it. She sighed as she sent the target back out and quickly pulled her weapon. She aimed carefully and fired until her gun was empty again. The target never stood a chance as each shot was perfectly placed. She didn't replace the hearing and eye protection, opting to go without. She needed to see everything, hear everything and feel everything. She knew how to shoot a gun and as she studied her target she knew she would be okay in time with that. What she didn't know how to do was love Maura, and she could only wonder how long she would have to figure that out.


	37. Chapter 37

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 37

I don't own R and I.

**A/N: I appreciate the comments and pm's I received concerning this story. There were quite a few people that suggested stepping away for a bit and coming back, so that is what I've done. Never is a story just a story to the writer and sometimes there is a need to take a step back. Thank you to those that recognize that. I have a writer friend who always takes care of the reader. As an avid reader myself, I believe that to be most valuable. So, with that being said...on with the story.**

**Sincerely, **

**Whitebordeaux**

Jane stared at herself in the mirror as she slowly pulled a brush through her long hair. She was pleased that her hair had grown back and that there was no obvious physical reminders of her surgery. It had taken months, but her headaches were virtually non-existent now and for that Jane couldn't be any more grateful. Jane searched her own eyes as they stared back at her. She found herself looking for answers often this way and convinced herself that eventually they would be there. Not today, not yet.

The past couple of months had been grueling and Jane wasn't sure if she was resentful or grateful to have suffered through them alone. She had initially refused, but then accepted Maura's suggestion that they take a step back from one another. She and Maura had kept in touch as Jane was very concerned with how Maura was dealing with the aftermath of Terry Whileman's shooting. She hated hearing the concern in Maura's voice over the phone each time she called. And she hated hearing her decline every invitation to come over. Jane missed Maura liked crazy on one hand, but on the other she knew she needed the time. Maura was right, they both had so much to work through. So much to figure out, to understand.

Jane knew that her physical health was key to her all around recovery and she couldn't remember ever having trained so hard. Even getting through the academy wasn't as demanding on her body as recovering from her latest injuries had been. She felt strong, sure of herself for the first time in a long time as she stood in front of her mirror. Today she was due back to work. She had gotten cleared for full active duty and the sigh of relief Jane expelled at her doctor's words was empowering.

The excitement of being told she was good to go was now being overshadowed by a bit of nervousness. Jane was ready to return, ready to resume her role, ready to assume her identity. She could hear Maura's voice in her head telling her that her job does not define her. Jane knew this, but lately she couldn't quite figure out who she was. She found herself questioning everything about herself trying to find the answers she felt she so desperately needed.

Jane made her way through the apartment, stopping by the kitchen for her morning coffee. She was looking forward to seeing Maura. She was looking forward to seeing everyone back at work, but she was especially needing to see Maura again. She needed to see Maura as they were, in a working capacity. Jane knew Maura was a professional. She knew Maura wouldn't jeopardize a case or risk losing any evidence on a subject simply because Jane couldn't figure out what she wanted. Jane was counting on Maura to be Dr. Maura Isles today. Who she was to Jane afterward would remain to be seen.

Jane had worked hard, physically, mentally and emotionally. She doubted her ability as a cop, detective and even as a woman. Her career had taken off so fast for her that she found herself running through life never slowing long enough to live it. Never noticing the people in it for more than what they wanted from her, needed from her. She had to find herself and define who she was before she could ever be honest with Maura. She had every intention of being honest with Maura. That woman deserved no less than that and so much more than anything Jane could offer her.

It had been weeks since Jane had seen Maura. Jane caved numerous times, yet Maura stood her ground, their ground for at least she understood the importance of the separation. Jane feared Maura had come to the realization that her feelings for Jane were simply due to the traumatic events that preceded her confessions. Jane would hear Maura's voice on the phone and want to plead with her to meet. Somewhere, anywhere. Just so she could see her. Most of Jane's realizations came when she couldn't see Maura, and it really was no different now. Jane would never admit her fears on the phone, yet Maura would always end their short conversations saying the same thing. "I'm still here. And so are you." Jane would hang up so frustrated. Why couldn't they work through this together? Why wouldn't Maura allow Jane to see her?

Summer was over and fall would be shortly. Jane realized this as she headed out toward her car. The time had gone by so fast, seasons changing as they did every year. Only this time, winter seemed to be approaching quicker than usual. It was okay, the coldness served to numb where the heat served to remind. Remind Jane of all that had happened, could have happened, might would happen. The air was cool and Jane took a few minutes to breathe it in. It only took a few minutes to let it wind its way through her lungs and back out through her mouth. Jane didn't think it was quite cold enough to see her breath, but she could and did. She took a few minutes to watch her breathing, like she would as a kid. She took a few minutes to breathe, realizing it felt good. She scanned her surroundings before getting to her car. What once was a nervous habit or a job trait was now simply something she wouldn't take for granted. Jane would never forget the fear and frustrations that came with losing her sight, but it was nothing compared to what she was losing now that she could see.

Jane felt her lungs grow heavy when she suddenly realized why Maura refused to visit. Refused to let Jane see her. She suddenly realized why Maura insisted they work through their ordeal separately. Jane once called Maura the dumbest genius she knew and now she smiled when she wondered how Maura would describe Jane. Maura knew what she was doing from the beginning and it took Jane this long to figure it out. Jane was sure of how she felt for Maura when she couldn't see her. She could only see with her heart and her feelings were so very clear. It was when she regained her sight that things became blurred. How could Jane not see that? She wanted to see Maura so badly. She needed to see Maura so clearly. She simply wanted to see Maura.

"Hey!" Korsak was the first to greet the returning detective as Jane marched toward her desk. "Was beginning to wonder about you."

"Yeah, me too." Jane allowed the hugs that followed from Korsak and then Frost. "How're you doing, partner?"

"I am so close, Jane. So close to losing my mind. How did you ever work side by side with this man?" Frost playfully shoved Korsak away so that he could embrace his partner.

"Ah, he grows on ya." Jane was all smiles. She had missed the playful banter between her former and current partner. She felt a gentle tug at her heart as she knew there was nothing either man wouldn't do for her. They both were unbelievable when it came to doing what had to be done. To find Maura and then ultimately to find Jane.

"Rizzoli!" Jane flinched at the familiar, welcomed holler from her captain's office. She rolled her eyes, but couldn't help but smile as she turned and headed in. She was back and Cavenaugh knew it.

"How ya feeling, Rizzoli?" Shawn's smile was genuine and Jane let a deep breath escape for answering.

"I'm good, Sir. I'm really good."

"Well, ya look good. Glad you're back. We've got three homicides dropped yesterday, another today. None of them seem related except for the two that graveyard got last night. Don't know if we're looking at a serial or just the people of Boston going nuts. I have two detectives out on medical and one retired and one resign. I'm up to my eyeballs here and my boss will soon be your boss if I cannot makes some sense of everything...I need these cases solved and closed like yesterday. Follow me Rizzoli?"

"Yes sir." Jane's voice was strong, confident and she was glad to be back to work. She needed to work and it seemed like she would be working a lot in the upcoming days.

"Good. Get your coffee. You'll going to need it." Cavenaugh came around to where Jane stood. He held out his hand and waited for Jane to take it. "I'm glad you're back, Jane. Missed you around here. Go spare your partner, Korsak been going a bit old school on him."

"Yes sir." Jane couldn't help but laugh as she watched the bickering between Frost and Korsak from her boss' window.

"Alright, Korsak. Fill me in." Jane placed her jacket on the back of her chair and began sifting through the mounds of paperwork on her desk.

Korsak sat down at Jane's desk and waited until she gave him her full attention. "Have you seen Dr. Isles yet?"

"No, why? Is she okay?" Jane cringed at the familiar tug she felt with Vince's words. She wondered if she would always feel this pull when it came to Maura. She bet she would, she hoped she would.

"Yeah, yeah, Jane she's fine. She's been swamped the last few days, but we all have." Korsak stared at Jane as he talked.

"Then what is it?" Jane's impatience was immediate and Korsak could only smile at much they missed her.

"Come with me." Korsak ordered Jane to follow him, knowing she would without argument. Jane glanced at Frost who only shrugged, before jogging to catch up with the older detective.

Once inside one of the interrogation rooms, Vince closed the door and ordered Jane to sit down. He sat down himself knowing Jane was trying to read him. "Is she okay, Vince. Don't do this to me."

Korsak sighed at the way Jane pleaded with him that there be no more bad news. "Jane, she's been off lately."

"Ya think?" Jane's voice was rough and she heard the emotion in it herself. "She's been through hell, Korsak."

"I know she has. So why are you torturing her like this?"

Jane could feel her mouth drop at Korsak's words. "You're going to have to explain that one to me, partner. I've been gone awhile, I realize that, but I really don't see where you're going with that." Jane could feel the anger creeping up through her body, but wasn't sure who to be angry at. Or even if she should be angry at all.

"I know I'm quite a bit older. I know I don't fully understand how things work these days. Hell in my day, you met them, married them, loved them, and divorced them. Black and white." Korsak paused to give Jane a chance to rescue him. He knew she wouldn't when she gave him that stare to continue...at his own risk. "She loves you, Jane. She told me this in the hospital. She told me that was why she was so upset that day here at the house before she was taken."

"Korsak, you lost me." Jane's head was beginning to spin and she wondered what it was Korsak was trying to tell her.

"Do you remember how upset she was, almost angry when she left that day? You knew something was wrong with her, but she basically told you off." Korsak breathed a bit easier when Jane was able to catch on. "She was upset because she had overheard a conversation between you and Bradley. She knew she had feelings for you then, but I think the extent of those feelings scared her."

"Korsak, get to the point." Jane did remember that day. And she remembered that night. Bradley. The phone call. The phone call from Maura.

"She told me in the hospital when she believed she wouldn't make it. You know Dr. Isles woke up from surgery to basically give herself her own prognosis. Well, at that time she believed she wasn't going to make it and she confessed to me how she felt about you."

Jane let her back hit the back of her chair. "I know, Korsak. We've talked some since, but she wouldn't see me these last few months. What's going on with her? Do you know?"

"She's doing well medically it seems. She's been crazy busy here at work, which I think she's relieved to have that to keep her busy." Korsak looked Jane in the eyes and held her gaze. "She doesn't confide in me, not like she did that day in the hospital. But, Jane, I can see it when she gives me her findings or calls us down to the morgue. She needs to know from you if you do feel the same."

Jane rubbed her temples with her fingers, letting Korsak's words settle into her head. "I may be too late. I may have pushed her away because I was scared."

"Jane back in my day, men didn't love men and women didn't love women. Not out in the open, anyway." Jane loved how uncomfortable Korsak was talking about this with her. It matched how uncomfortable Jane was as well. "Things are different now. Times have changes. How you love somebody hasn't changed though. You don't chose who you love. You can deny it all you want. But there is no denial within one's heart. Jane, the heart don't lie."

Jane could feel the tears begin and she forced herself to toughen up. Not here, not now. Not with Korsak, her partner, her friend, her mentor.

"Jane, what is love to you?" Korsak's tone had changed and the fatherly way he talked to her allowed her guard to all but disappear. "Define it. Can you?"

Jane looked up at Vince then amazed at how much this man really did understand. She wiped the one tear that did escape before speaking slowly and clearly. "Love is giving somebody the ability to destroy you, but trusting them not to."

"Sounds like something Dr. Isles would say." Korsak was shocked a bit at Jane's words and how precisely she delivered them.

"Yeah it does, doesn't it." Jane smiled at Korsak, knowing he understood things way better than he let on.

"Jane, do you trust Maura?"

"I do." Jane did trust Maura. She trusted her more than she trusted herself.

"I'll keep Cavenaugh busy. Go to her. Talk to her." Korsak took Jane's hand from across the table. He let his thumb gently rub the top of it calling attention to her scar. They had seen a lot and been through a lot together and Jane appreciated him and he her. "Tell her."

Jane sat alone for a few minutes trying to collect her thoughts She wanted to see Maura. She wanted to talk to Maura. She wanted to love Maura. She had to talk to Maura and she wouldn't wait any longer.


	38. Chapter 38

Cold Summer Heat Chapter 38

I don't own R and I.

**A/N: This is the final chapter of what has been a special story to me and hopefully others as well. I appreciate the comments and reviews and can only hope that happily ever after was achieved. Let me know what you thought...good, bad or otherwise. Sincerely, Whitebordeaux**

Jane stopped just short of entering the morgue when she caught a glimpse of Maura hunched over one of several bodies layed out awaiting her attention. Korsak wasn't kidding when he said she had plenty to keep her busy. Jane doubted this was the time to talk to Maura, but she worried and doubted that she would say what she needed to if she had to wait much longer. Jane couldn't help but stare as she watched, not seeing anything or anyone else except for Maura.

There were a few other medical examiners working along with Maura, causing her to change her position often to address them. Jane decided not to interrupt, opting instead to take a few minutes to watch Maura. She looked exhausted and Jane couldn't help but feel a bit guilty for feeling good and ready to go. Jane wondered how Maura was really feeling. If she was really one hundred percent recovered from her gunshot wound. If she would tell anybody anything different.

Jane let her thoughts take her back, back to Bradley's gun against Maura's temple. Maura stood so strong against Bradley's hold and the look she gave Jane showed how much she trusted her. How much she believed Jane could and would save her from what had been a nightmare up to that point. Jane swallowed hard in an effort to pull herself from her memory. She could almost feel Maura's body flinching with the sound of each gunshot as she tried in vain to shield her with her own body. Jane's eyes burned when her mind took her back to when she realized Maura had been shot despite her best efforts to protect her; to save her.

"Excuse me, Detective." Jane was startled from her thoughts as yet another assistant brushed by her to enter the morgue with a couple different files in her hands. "Did you need something?"

"Uh, no. No, thank you." Jane heard her own voice and was surprised by how weak and soft she sounded. She continued to watch, noticing how Maura never looked up as she spoke to her colleagues. How she worked with a purpose, nothing more important than the subject in front of her. Complete professional. So intelligent, so full of knowledge. Too much as far as Jane was concerned, but then that was what made Maura...Maura.

Jane noticed how Maura shifted her weight from one leg to the other, never moving her feet. She had come to learn this to be a habit of Maura's and had to smile at the familiarity. Jane could feel her smile fade as once again her thoughts took her back to the restaurant and the feel of Terry Whileman's gun against her temple this time. Jane forced herself to breathe deeply as the panic from that day was suddenly forefront and very real. The fear and hope that mixed in those few moments had to be what Maura was feeling herself when it was Bradley's gun threatening her life. Jane watched Maura in front of the table now in the morgue much like she watched her that day as she stood just a few feet from her in that restaurant. Maura had shifted her weight then causing Jane to wonder where her aim was, instead of recognizing Maura's movement to be her way of concentrating. Yeah, she looked good standing there, prepared to shoot. She had never fired a gun before, but Terry Whileman hadn't known that. Neither had Jane, at that point.

Maura had refused to see Jane, but wouldn't refuse her calls. Jane thought she understood why, but by doing that Jane wasn't sure if what Maura was telling her was completely accurate. Maura wouldn't lie, Jane knew this, but was she being completely honest when Jane would ask how she was dealing with Whileman's death. Jane was trained to read body language and expressions. So many times, while interrogating, she would have to listen past the words to get to the truth. She was in no way interested in interrogating Maura, she just wanted to know how she was dealing with all that had happened.

Maura stood straight, slowly removing her glasses. Jane was convinced now; Maura looked exhausted because she was. Jane involuntarily took a step back as Maura looked up immediately making eye contact through the window. Jane watched as Maura's eyes softened and smiled despite no other facial movements. Jane let out a deep breath realizing Maura had needed to see her just as much as she needed to see Maura. The conversation was deep and involved despite no words and no attempt to move closer to one another. There would be time for them to talk, both realizing now was no good.

"Jane." Jane reluctantly pulled her gaze from Maura, to see Frost approaching. "We gotta roll. Ready?"

"Yeah." Jane directed her attention back to Maura who immediately understood. Jane cringed at the disappointed look that crossed Maura's face. "What do we got?"

"Another day, another body." Frost was quick with his response which only added to the urgency of what was ahead of them all. "Cavenaugh's ready to call serial."

Jane could feel her stomach drop. Homicides were bad enough. Serial killers just meant more bodies and more paperwork. More heartache, more grief. Jane pulled strength from Maura's exhausted eyes hoping she could and would give her the same with her own gaze. She couldn't know for sure, not until she could see her, talk to her, touch her.

"Jane!"

"I'm coming!" Jane tapped the window with two fingers before rushing off after her partner.

Frost flashed his badge as did Jane as they entered the back of the small real estate office where their latest homicide was waiting. Jane let Frost take point as she hung back taking in the scene. It was good to be back to work but the nervous energy threatened to pull Jane off balance. "I'm gonna call Korsak out. I think we need a few more eyes on this."

"Yeah, sure." Frost recognized Jane's nervousness and he also recognized Korsak was a steadying force for her. "Pike's been coming out to pronounce, should we call Dr. Isles instead?"

"No, Pike is fine." Jane was distracted as she continued toward the back exit. Frost recognized the look and the walk and drew his gun, following her lead. Jane drew hers as she gently pushed the door open leading the detectives into the alleyway. Jane's vision may have been in doubt, but her hearing had never been better as they both caught a glimpse of a suspect as he ran from the alley.

"Go!" Jane's voice was strong and full of authority as Frost brushed past her. She hollered their location and need for assistance into her radio and sprinted to catch up with her partner and their suspect. She was instantly sorry for the hell she gave her physical therapist for she recognized now how lucky she was that he pushed her the way he did.

Frost was only surprised for a second when Jane had caught up to him as they both focused on the man that was carefully eluding them. Despite their best efforts the chase ended when they lost sight of the man that quite possibly was behind many of the murders that was keeping Boston Homicide so busy.

"Damn!" Frost kicked the ground, fighting himself not to punch anything in sight.

"Shh." Jane gently grabbed hold of Frost's arm to stop him. She pointed toward a fenced off area that held what appeared to be abandoned, damaged cars. "He's in the junkyard."

The detectives approached as quietly as possible, both turning off their radios. They came up to a gate that was chained locked, both looking at the height of the fence to scale. Jane looked down hoping for entrance lower. She noticed Frost doing the same as she couldn't help but remember how they managed to work around the fences when en route to the train yard.

"We've got to get in." Frost looked to Jane for approval, having no problem with her seniority.

"Yeah." Jane motioned to move toward yet another entrance, expecting that to be locked as well. "Frost." Her tone was whispered but strong as she pointed to a car not far from them on the other side of the fence. Frost continued on his route, leaving Jane prepared should their suspect run.

Jane could feel her heart thumping against her chest. She held her gun tight, feeling Benjamin's bullet as her shoulder suddenly burned. She rested the barrel of the gun in between the links of the fence, keeping her stance low and ready. She felt totally isolated as she lost sight of Frost, hoping he would flush him out; worried she would have to take the shot.

Her finger tightened around the trigger as Frost had indeed flushed out the man that may very well be responsible for the increased work load Boston Homicide and the Boston Police Department was dealing with. The increased work load Maura was having to deal with. Jane moved slightly to her left, closing her left eye to aim. The blurry scene instantly frustrated Jane as she then closed her right eye. She saw the suspect nearly fifty yards away and pulled the trigger. She had aimed for his leg and watching by the way he slammed to the ground she was confident she hit him. She opened both eyes then to see Frost immediately cuffing the suspect. Frost jerked the larger man to his feet, both staring at Jane who had yet to lower her weapon.

It was nearly quitting time when Jane had been released from her routine IA investigation. She was cleared in the shooting as expected and set about fielding the good natured ribbing about having the lucky shot. First day back and it was because of her that so many would now have a day off. She was a hero in the eyes of her colleagues and it felt good. Damn good.

"Looks like we'll have a strong case. He's our guy, Jane." Frost sat on the corner of her desk, trying to read her expression. "There's no doubt you're back."

"Yeah." Jane's smile said just that. "Maybe things will slow down a bit."

Jane stood causing Barry to do the same. "I need to talk to Maura."

Frost stepped aside knowing just as much as the approaching Korsak how much Jane wanted to see Maura. "Jane, I was thinking maybe we celebrate tonight at the Robber. You in?" Korsak was hopeful but expected her to decline his invite.

"Yeah, that'd be great. There's something I have to do first." Jane knew Korsak understood how important this conversation with Maura would be as he smiled when she did.

Jane made her way down to the morgue pleased to see it empty and dark. Maura was finishing up for the night and was probably in her office. Jane's instincts proved correct as she turned the corner catching a glimpse of Maura shifting through mounds of paperwork. Her computer was off telling Jane she had made it just in time. It was a sudden thought and a bit of a risk, but Jane had turned off the lights in the hallway before hitting the switch to Maura's office. With no windows, the darkness was a bit unsettling at first, but Jane found it easy to acclimate. She entered the office, hearing Maura pushing back from her desk.

"On my honor, I will never betray my badge, my integrity, my character, or the public trust."

"Jane?" Maura knew it was Jane, although she was confused nonetheless.

"I will always have the courage to hold myself and others accountable for our actions. I will always uphold the constitution, my community and the agency I serve."

The silence in the room matched the darkness as Jane wondered if Maura would have any idea what she was talking about. So she continued. "Yours is simply to do no harm. Yes?"

"Actually, the original version of the oath, as Hippocrates is believed to have written it, spells out several ethical bases of the medical profession; for example, it speaks of respecting one's instructors, using medical knowledge to help rather than harm, and safeguarding patients' privacy. Most important, it emphasizes that patients are to be treated not as cases or experimental subjects, but as human beings worthy of respect and compassion." Jane could only laugh at her attempt to go up against Maura's mind.

"Right, like I said, do no harm." Jane took a few steps closer to Maura, letting the darkness guide her as she had learned to do. Maura hadn't moved and Jane noticed she was still very confused as to Jane's agenda. "Whenever you take a life, whatever the reasons, its a choice. You made the choice, you own the result."

Jane took yet another step closer to Maura to where she could hear her breathing change with her words. Jane was right to believe Maura hadn't fully dealt with the aftermath of shooting Terry Whileman. "The circumstances justifies your actions, but never does it make it okay. I know this, Maura."

"Jane?"

"I know it bothers you. I know it's hard." Jane moved around Maura finding it easy to navigate in the darkened room. "I would shoot Bradley again. The same way, hoping for the same result if the circumstances were the same. He was nervous, anxious, maybe even scared. He would have killed you even if unintentional."

Maura startled as she realized Jane was now behind her. She turned her body to follow Jane as the detective slowly moved in a small circle. "I didn't want to shoot him, Maura. I surely didn't want to kill him. I took an oath to serve and protect. That's what I did."

"I didn't take that oath. I'm not an officer, Jane." Maura turned wondering where Jane had moved to.

"No, you're not. Tell me, Maura, would you do it again. Would you shoot again if the circumstances were exact?" Jane was now standing directly in front of Maura, close enough to hear her breathing.

"Yes, I would." Maura's voice cracked as she spoke. "You didn't shoot to kill today. I heard about what happened."

"Didn't need to." Jane's anwer was quick which startled Maura. "It was necessary with Bradley, not today."

"How do you know? How do you know when you need to shoot to kill?" Maura challenged Jane suddenly wanting to see her. She could only wonder how much worse that need was for Jane while she was blinded.

"How did you know?" Jane's rebuttal caught Maura off guard.

"I didn't. I just fired."

"No, Maura. There was only one place to put that bullet. The chances of you hitting me were far greater than hitting Whileman yet you did it. You knew." Jane was close now to Maura and Maura was tempted to reach out for her, instead letting her breath hit her face.

"You chose a hard life, Jane. You often travel a brutal road that leaves you wounded; sometimes in ways even you don't recognize." Maura was instantly sorry for her comment as she missed the closeness when Jane stepped back.

"It chose me, Maura." Jane's voice was a whisper. "I am who I am. This is what I do."

"It's not who I am. It's not what I do." Maura could feel the tears begin to fall.

"I know it's not. That's okay, Maura. I don't want you to be anybody that you're not." Jane was suddenly close again. Maura jumped when Jane placed her hands on either side of her face.

Maura was very aware of the how wounded Jane was. The uncertaintity of if she would ever see again; if this darkness would be her reality. It suddenly was very clear to Maura how important touch was to Jane during that time as Jane used her fingers to dry her tears. "I'm sorry, Jane. I shouldn't have refused to see you. I just thought that if..."

"If I couldn't see you again, I'd remember how much I wanted and needed to. How much I had felt for you during that time." Jane let her thumbs gently stroke Maura's cheeks. "I know how smart you are, but I must say I was indeed impressed."

Again the dark silence surrounded them, nearly suffocating as neither woman wanted to interrupt the others thoughts. Maura reached up to grab Jane's strong hands, hoping she wouldn't remove them from her face; not yet.

"Is it safe to assume it worked?" Maura's voice was shaking and that alone caused Jane to drop her hands.

"Would that be a form of guessing, Dr. Isles?" Jane needed and wanted to lighten the mood, but didn't want to give Maura any reason to turn away from her.

Maura's answer was her lips instantly on Jane's. Even in the total darkness it was easy to find her and Maura was more than relieved to find Jane more than receptive. Jane let Maura feel her kiss in the dark and experience what she had. There was no confusion and everything Jane was feeling told her it was Maura she was meant to be with.

Jane pulled away, noticing the instant reluctance on Maura's part. "Korsak wants us to meet them for drinks to celebrate. You in?"

Maura wanted to scream at Jane. Wanted to tell her how much she just wanted them to go home together and be together in every and any way that felt right. She didn't want Jane to be somebody she wasn't either. She was a Boston Homicide detective and she had managed to apprehend what was soon to be announced as a serial killer on her first day back to work. Plenty of reason to celebrate, plenty of time for them after. "Sure. Can we turn the lights back on now?"

"Do you want to?" Jane was close again, preventing Maura from answering. Yeah, they wouldn't stay long at the robber. That much was very clear.

"Jane, love is blind sometimes. Don't you think?" Maura's question threw Jane for a moment, but the finally healthy detective was quick to recover.

"Lust is blind."Jane's lips were close to Maura's ear as she spoke. "Love clears your vision. You see more because you feel more."


End file.
